Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Love Is In The Doing

Rolling up sleeves is an activity reserved for many Hohs. However, this post is not about what you might think. Rolling up sleeves is also a metaphor for getting to work. Rolling up sleeves and applying some elbow grease are words that call forth images of people at work............... yes, this kind of work.....housework, laundry, gardening, cleaning, shopping, and all the other things that keep wives busy. When there is housework to do, do it together. 

I have had the pleasure of meeting six husbands of ttwd wives. Here is what I saw and what I have learned. Love is shown in the doing. Taking care of someone loved is what I saw. I witnessed these men caring for the women they love in many ways literally rolling up their sleeves to do what needed to be done. These men do the laundry, cook dinner, do the dinner dishes and in one special case made me a delicious unusual treat before he left on a business trip. These men have waited for us when flights were late as we flew in to visit. They have driven their guests to far off places to sightsee and rented a town car to take me to the airport when that Hoh was away on business. Another man agreed to an afternoon antique shopping with his wife and me. These men see the tasks that need doing and simply get it done.  They are not observers, but active participants. No thought to gender-slanted jobs, but with helping on his mind, his sleeves are rolled up to help his wife. 

One dear friend said to me not long ago that the strength of our men is what she finds so attractive. Someone who won't lift a finger is not going to lead her. Love is in the doing. Men who act on the things that need doing are the very best of men. They do not wait to be asked. They see what needs doing and act on it. They don't sit and watch. They pitch in to help. They get things done and never sit back. These men have made me excellent cups of coffee, London Fogs and delicious cocktails to savor. They put others first time and time again. They honor their wives by honoring me. I am always impressed.

Some of these men have been guests in our home and their helping traits are most appreciated and gracious. Whether helping to clear the table or helping Jack with grilling, their help and strength go hand in hand. 

Behind closed doors, these are the men who spank their wives. These couples hold hands, touch each other and demonstrate their love to us. They keep the home fires burning literally!

What I saw from these men was unconditional love which was active and caring. Every day they showed that love and then each of them turned that caring to the friend of the woman they each love. I saw it and felt it and now believe it. All of these men were there to help, tell a good story and thought what I had to say was important and of value.  

These Hohs are true to my belief that love is in the doing. Putting words into action earns respect in every way. Really, love is an action verb. No action, no love. 

I have written about my Jack.......... his laundry doing, his cooking, his spanking, his everything. He is always one to pitch in and do what needs doing. I can follow his lead because he actively shows me his love daily.

How does your Hoh measure up? Is he a helper or a man who sits back waiting for things to be magically completed.   



  1. Such a great post Mere and so very true. Real men don't have to beat their chests to show how manly they are, real men don't have to advertise - they just do.

  2. Hi Meredith,nice post, not bragging or anything but I have one of those......
    love Jan, xx

  3. Very true! I can't list all the things Nick does, most of the cooking and all the laundry. I sometimes wish I was as good a wife as he is a husband!

  4. Well said, Meredith, well said ... it has also occurred to me more than once in these past months, with the HoH role comes a great deal of responsibility. Additional responsibility from what there may have been in the relationship previously. Being an HoH is not a lazy persons role ... and many times it's a role our partners are asked to take on. That they willingly do so is pretty amazing.

    And yes, in our relationship Frank has always willingly and capably done it all ... except cook (he can do the basics if need arises ;)) ... on the other hand, I also never cut a blade of grass (allergies) ;)) He is also kind and caring and shows his love every day in many ways.
    ... nj ... xx

  5. Lovely and wise post, Meredith. Your writing had me picturing your experiences in my head. I'm glad your Jack is strong. For me, the physical helping is always a blessing and through our long marriage, responsibilities shift back and forth and are shared by Storm and me and he has taken over when I have been unable to do certain things in body. And a major bonus is that my husband is emotionally and mentally strong when sometimes I have stumbled. I love reading about all the wonderful HOH's in this community.

  6. Hi Meredith, what a lovely post. The proof is in the doing, as they say. I have one of those too :)


  7. I feel exactly the way you do Meredith, I couldn’t do it otherwise. The strength and confidence shown by my guy rolling up his sleeves is his example of leadership, it’s extremely enticing and I’m thrilled to follow him.
    Thank you for mentioning my guy here, he is definitely a do’er with love as his motive on a daily basis! What a great post this one is!

  8. This is so true, Mere. Love isn't only about valentines or flowers or going out to dinner. There's the things our men do for us that really makes us feel cherished. And when other ttwd husbands show the same capacity for that active loving, it makes me think about how lucky we all are.


  9. This is a great post. My husband, HoH, is great at pitching in. He is constantly active and getting things done and he has no problem pitching in with the household chores. I love him sooo much.

  10. Meredith - You could take any section of this post and turn it into a series of Valentine cards. So true. Eric is a pitch in and do stuff kind of guy and I'm the same kind of girl. A lot of our fun is around the mundane and necessary that is suddenly magical as we do it together.

  11. I have one of those too, Meredith, but I don’t let him near the laundry!
    Rosie xx

  12. Awesome post, Meredith! :) You know all about my fella. He's does so much for me... for friends too! I try to do the same for him. Like Amy says above, we tackle a lot of things together- from the easy stuff to hard challenges. I feel so grateful to have learned so much these last few years.

    I'm madly in love with my man, who promised to step up, the day that he agreed to give the spanky life a try. He did. I love him more than my words can express.

    LOVE the title of this post! Would make a good bumper sticker as well! Many hugs,

    ❤️Katie xoxo

  13. I couldn't agree more. We are absolutely a team and in truth, he is more proactive about some of the house stuff than I am. I get tired more easily and my focus tends to be on our girls (especially our special needs lovey). He reminds me that I'll be happier and feel less frantic and anxious once we get it done (notice the "we" and not the "me")and he is a thousand percent correct.

    I find it sexy that this is one of the ways he shows his love. He is kind, and generous, and good hearted with all.

    I bet if people knew about our TTWD relationship they would immediately make assumptions about both of us that are simply not true. As I read your blog and the comments here, the truth is exactly as you wrote...their help and strength go hand in hand.

  14. If I may comment from a man's point of view. We are into DD's and I'm submissive to her, but that has nothing to do with me helping her. Before we got into DD's I did my share of work around the house. I make the beds, I strip the beds for laundry then remake them. I vacuum, I wash the dishes, and at one time we hung our wash out to dry and I was the one hanging the wash. Helping is wanting to share the work and get it done so we can have more of "us" time. Now having said that I'd like to ask a question. On 5/7 you posted about windy. I read her site from your link. But when I try to get to her site by putting in When The Storm Whispers To The Wind nothing comes up. I think she is a good writer and would love to follow her. Could you put a link to her site on your site?

    1. The link is right there in the third paragraph.