Thursday, January 25, 2018

Remember Why You Started





That little motto is very useful right now. I am remembering why we started. We are almost to the fifth year anniversary of our ttwd life. On this particular anniversary year, I am very thankful we are in the place where we are. I value very much the roles we have established. This ttwd works so well for us and is so appreciated in times of stress. 

We have many balls in the air right now.  Let me fill you in. We just returned from a sun break. Yes, it was warmer where we were, but it was nonetheless January. We had sun, but with a whole lot of clouds! Frustrating! We returned to a big home renovation project that began one day after returning. My neat and tidy home has been turned on its ear. We learned of family and friends who are ill and family is moving and that requires Jack's assistance. He leaves for five days and I must handle the renovation project myself. Homebound and thinking this whole thing through is causing some moments of frustration between Jack and me. Ugh! The renovation requires constant little decisions and I need Jack here. 

We have had some big discussions ...... over the bed as Jack says that his ttwd message really gets through best when he spanks. Plus he says I am having great difficulty not interrupting. Last night in bed, we talked again. Back went those covers and he spanked and lectured. So as of today, he has decided to spank for interrupting. I said that sounds like punishment and we do not do that. He said he will spank to get my attention and focus on being more respectful and listening more carefully. So this should be interesting! 

I began this post with the intent of sharing how very happy I was that we were in this fifth year of ttwd. And I am. I rely on Jack's leadership when I feel all this pressure. I rely on his decision making. I feel safe and secure knowing he will make those decisions in our best interest. There is just too much going on right now. Right in the middle of all this construction, he is flying away to help family move. I am left with the renovation. Little decisions seem to need attention every day. 

So I am taking a deep breath here and while the juggling continues, I am grateful for ttwd like never before. The good news is that while Jack is away, I won't be interrupting him in person. The phone calls will be a different story. 

So as we remember why we started, I am leaning hard into Jack's leadership and trust. He has faith in me supervising the renovation while he is away. He is very serious about my stopping the interrupting. Things will settle down and I will keep you posted on all of it. Jack loves leading and is quite happy reminding me of that very thing as he puts me over the bed. 

Any advice you share about the interrupting concern will be greatly appreciated. How do you solve this problem? 

Meredith









36 comments:

  1. Hi Mere,
    Sorry the sun break was interrupted by clouds! Spring is coming...we just have to be patient. I so understand how hard it is to manage everything when the HOH is away. TTWD supports our working together and that is so hard to do long distance. Hang in there, the chaos ends eventually :)
    Mignon

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    1. Journey,
      You give me hope. The end is almost insight as we reach halfway.
      Mere

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  2. Welcome home, Meredith. It is important to remember how and why we got to where we are today, and I am already working on a post that reflects on the beginnings of ttwd for Sam and I.

    I once took a workshop on effective listening. It taught us that when we are already formulating our own response to what someone else is saying, then we have stopped actively listening. We lose a lot that way. Try to keep your mind empty. Try to mentally picture what the speaker is saying. Try to focus on key words.

    When the speaker is finished, pause to collect your thoughts for a second. Remember that a moment of silence is perfectly fine. Even ask a question or repeat a key word the speaker said. Only then should you begin to respond.

    I am not perfect at this either, but when my mind starts to drift to how I want to answer, I recognize it more quickly and clear my brain before I am tempted to jump in. It is great to practice this technique with children! And they love you for it, too.

    Ella

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    1. Ella,
      Since you wrote this, I have been using this technique and so far it is working. I am trying a bunch of techniques and so far so good. I knew you would have a good idea.
      Mere

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  3. I have the same faith that Jack has in you, you can do it! Just think of how beautiful things will be when it’s all done.
    I also find it hard when my guy is away. He’s off for a few days right now....oooh how I wish you and I could spend this time together. Lol.
    As far as interrupting, it’s a tough one for me as well. I would say keep in mind the result of the interrupting to begin with. Good luck to you.

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    1. Laurel, I always count of your words of support and wisdom. Thank you,
      Mere

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  4. Hi Meredith,
    You're in the messy part of home renovation but think how great it'll be when it's done! As for the interrupting thing - every time over the next week the home renovation interrupts your day, remind yourself that this is what Jack experiences when you interrupt him. Then, work on, like Ella said, listening and pausing until Jack is completely done before jumping in. I find I interrupt people at work because my brain is moving at lightening speed ahead of where they are going with a topic. I'll practice at work and you can practice at home. Cool? OH... and pardon the interruption. ;) Back to your renovation!
    Amy

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    1. Amy,
      You had me laughing and nodding with your suggestions. I will keep you posted on how I do.
      Mere

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  5. Seems we all share the interrupting bug....Master tells me to listen attentively, and stop planning my response, if I want time to think before replying He will grant me that...not perfect, but it is helping.
    Bet the mess will be well worth the result!
    hugs abby

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    1. Abby,
      I love the line about getting time before replying.
      Thanks,
      Mere

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  6. Loved this post, Mere. You've got this! Because you've been in this lifestyle/dynamic so long, you have learned to listen to Jack as he makes decisions. And that has prepared you to know what he would want, even while away. Enjoy the reno. It will be over soon, and you can enjoy the results. And when Jack returns from helping the relatives move, he'll be so proud of all you've been able to accomplish without him right there. I know you, and you are so capable. Think of all the times you went through Jack being away for much longer and much further distance.

    I think that the last quote is so appropriate here. It reminds me that we worry less when we're grateful. And at least for me, it's worry that makes me interrupt K. Know that we all are pulling for you.

    And Happy Almost 5th Anniversary! You are such an inspiration.

    Hugs,
    SSB

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    1. SS B,
      Thank you for your kind words. We do worry less when we are grateful.
      Thanks,
      Mere

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  7. I interrupt BIKSS all the time. He usually lets me finish then counters with "if you had only let me finish talking" and then i dutifully shut up for the rest of his speech then i say what i need to say. Often he makes good points! I kbow how stressful those little decisions can get. When i renovated my place i was this close to going insane. Just be confident in the decisions you have to make. And he does think u are capable of making them or else he wouldnt have left you "stranded" - which you're not so chin up!! It will all be over soon enough. And he'll be back!

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    1. Fondles,
      I have far too much confidence! It is the little decisions I will make while he is gone that worry me.
      Mere

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  8. Ella gave you sound advice about listening before talking. Your renovations will be worth it in the end even if your house is turned upside down for a while. Relax, breath, stay calm.
    Hugs Lindy xx

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    1. Lindy,
      You are correct.......... Ella,s advice will save my backside.
      Mere

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  9. Hi Merry, Hope the renovations go well, I am a terrible interrupter! No ideas for you there. big hugs, hope you cope well without Jack there.
    love Jan, xx

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    1. Jan,
      I treasure your honesty. We are cut from the same cloth it appears.
      Mere

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  10. Hi Meredith, this would do my head in. Good luck with the renovation project. You can do it and think how wonderful it will be when finished :)

    I have the interruption bug too. Some wonderful advice from Ella.

    Hugs
    Roz

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  11. I often interrupt P and have been over his lap because of it. Ella has some good advice. Good luck with the renovations. You will be fine.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Ronnie,
      I am glad you know what I am talking about.
      Mere

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  12. Mere, you can do this, you know you can. You did it for years while Jack was away serving his country.

    The interrupting thing - yeah, it is a problem here also. BKISS and Ray say the same thing.Sometimes I just stop listening like Ella said. Not good, but at least I don't interrupt. Ray trips me up once in a while and will ask me a question about what he just said. Ooops

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    1. SG,
      You are correct. However we were never in a big project when he was deployed. Teach me how to not interrupt.
      Mere

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  13. Hi Meredith, :) Hang in- you will have something lovely to look at once, the work is all done! Lovely that Jack is able to help family, and that you can hold down the fort while he is gone.

    Love Ella's thoughts on haulting interrupting. I'm guilty of that at times. Worse though, are my listening skills when Rob is talking to me at times... Just like with the interrupting, the mind can wander. We can all practice together... Many hugs,

    <3 Katie xoxo

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    1. Katie,
      Let's all practice together!!!! I wish I did better at holding my thoughts.
      Mere

      Delete
  14. Meredith, we are just beginning to contemplate a renovation. You don't make me eager. I'm sure you can curb your desire to interrupt, and if you can Jack surely can. Do let him know it could be worse. I never interrupt - ever. I stay silent and withdraw into myself to stew and build walls. Interrupting at least means you're present.

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    1. PK,
      Renovations can give you a run for your money. Staying silent and stewing leads to more times over the bed.
      Mere

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  15. Meredith, you’ll be fine with all the decisions, the renovations will be beautiful. In our house it’s Harry that interrupts me. It drives me crazy but I can’t spank him!
    Rosie xx

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    1. Rosie,
      Really........ he interrupts you!!!! No you certainly cannot spank him. That is for sure.
      Mere

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  16. Sounds like there is tons going on and that probably makes your head spin more than usual. Hang in there. At some point the renovation will be done and all will be back in place. When I have something going on I usually think "Ok, I can do this for x more days" and it seems to help knowing there is an end date. As for interrupting, sounds like people have great ideas! I am not an "interrupter" but I sure am a "daydreamer" and just don't listen. My guy hasn't totally caught on to the fact that he can do something about this though. Best to you in the coming days!

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    1. Deena,
      I always wait for your comments. They are important to me. I cannot believe you are not an interrupter. Good for you!!!! I like your countdown suggestion. It is a good one.
      Mere

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  17. It is great to reflect on beginnings

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