Sunday, May 7, 2017

The Evolution Of Our Marriage

Have you had one of those days when everything seems to click? Aside from some extra pounds that need to go, my makeup looked great, a good hair day was mine and the sun was shining. My sweet guy was on the golf course and I was happily at home puttering and enjoying the warmer weather. I was feeling good. 

So I was humming right along and I stopped right in my tracks. I read Baker's post and just literally stopped. You can read it here. I think this is her best post. She tries to capture what has happened in her marriage and she has done just that. 

Baker challenges us to think about our own marriages and with her permission, I am using her series of questions to examine the evolution of my own marriage. I love science and am a believer in evolution. Our marriage has certainly evolved. So let's get started. 

We have already put out there that we are a ttwa couple. That's right.......... that thing we ARE!  Ttwa is us.......... the thing we are!

Baker has given her approval for me to use her great questions. Her questions are in italics; our answers follow.  

When did my husband become a spanko?

When we began ttwd, not yet who we are, Jack always said he would spank if I needed it, but he did not want to hurt me. Slowly he found that a spanking worked like magic. I calmed down, the peace was restored. He really loved the results. He told me he would never hurt me, but sting my bottom to get results, oh, yes! He became a spanko slowly, but most definitely. He told me that he LOVES the results of a spanking. I lean in, stop and listen as I rub my bottom!

When did this go from something I wanted to something we both crave?

We really had a sexual awakening when we began. Spankings are never for punishments, but rather reminders of our roles and even beyond that. Being bared and spanked meant that we were ready to take those next steps. I am always so turned on by Jack's dominance and great sex just followed....... not every time, but the sexual charge is right there. Not a day goes by without touching, spanking, smacks, swats and so on.

When did we slip into our roles of a traditional husband and wife?

This was an interesting question to ask Jack. He says we are not a traditional couple. I say, oh, but we are. No, I am not June Cleaver in any sense. He does the cooking and we still argue about the laundry. I take care of the finances. Our responsibilities are in no way traditional. I say I lean into him when things get rough in the big world. I feel safe, protected and free to be who I am within our marriage. So I really think that there is no label for our type of marriage! 

When did I know he was in charge and notice my heart beats faster when I think of him? 

This taking charge occurred when I learned to step back........ with his help and his paddle. I stopped giving car directions for the most part when he actually said, "Do you not think I know how to get there without your help?" To this day, I catch myself speaking for him, and speaking over him, but these are things I work on continually. 

We had a dinner party not long ago and Jack was telling friends about something he knew well. Everyone was listening, and I watched others lean forward. I looked at my husband with great respect and then it happened........... I got so darn hot for him. I reached out for his hand. He took my hand and continued his story. It was as if he sensed my emotions. My heart was beating very fast. I was appreciating my husband, not just working beside him. 

When did spanking makes things go from "I'll do this for you, but I do not want to hurt you" to "get over here ....... I am going to spank some sense into you"?

This was a very easy question for Jack. Very quickly he saw, loved and appreciated spankings as a way to achieve peace in our home. I listened to him and stopped going right over what he said. Almost instantly he saw that this ttwd worked and worked very well for us. 

When did once in awhile become daily routine? 

We loved what was happening to our sexually and the way things could be then smooth outside the bedroom. A gg spanking helped me sleep and a few well placed spanks before leaving for golf ensured Jack that the things that we discussed would be carried out. 

When did the focus change from individual 'do your own thing' to checking in and better communication? 

This is a great question. With deployments behind us, we strive for better communication every day. I am an interrupter and can talk right over my husband. Ttwd has helped me stop that behavior. I do not have it all under control, but it is so much better. We really communicate so much better. I still travel to meet friends and he plays lots of golf, but we circle back to one another always. 

When did we become so connected? 

Ttwd causes couples to be in circumstances made for connection. We loved our sexual awakening and the results. 

Now I found all these questions very introspective. So interesting to take stock of just where we are. Thank you, Baker, for sharing your post and allowing me to use your questions. The evolution of a ttwd marriage into a ttwa marriage is so interesting. 

So here is the challenge. Readers who are living ttwd or who are ttwa, let's have you choose one or two questions to answer in the comments. I look forward to reading your answers. 



  1. This WAS Baker's best post ever! I just loved it.

    When did I know he was in charge and notice my heart beats faster when I think of him?

    Indeed, it was an evolution for us, too! We grew into our roles, and they are ever dynamic. It may sound like a fairy tale, but Sam has become my protector. My knight in shining armor. He not only protects me from the world outside us, but has come to understand that sometimes I need to be protected from myself. I feel cherished and loved in a way that I never dreamed could happen.

    When I am away from Sam, I seem to think of him every minute and how much I ache for his touch. I positively tingle when I think of us making love. His smile, his frown, his humor, even his disapproval.

    Simply knowing and feeling that I am completely his.

    Ella Ever After

  2. M, I am also an interrupter and like to "help" my husband tell stories. The other night, we got to meet in person a ttwd wife with whom we'd corresponded and talked on the phone with, but hadn't met in person. At a favorite restaurant, we had the best time getting to know one another, with lots of hushed tones and lots of laughter too. Her husband was taking care of family members and could not be there. She candidly shared some of her frustrations and concerns about her own ttwd. And there I sat, in awe of my husband, as he gave her great encouragement. I had never heard him wax so eloquent, particularly about ttwd, to another woman, in fact. And he surely didn't need my help!!
    By the way, if you had told me five years ago that I would find his dominance sexy, I would've laughed at you.
    Things have definitely changed around here.

  3. These are excellent, thought provoking questions. Thanks to Baker and to you Meredith, you've got me thinking.

    When did we become so connected?

    It all happened very quickly once I stepped back and my guy stepped up. He thrives as the leader in our relationship, taking this role on with confidence and ease, just as I do in my submissive role. We have a deeper connection and a deeper love because of our choice to allow the other to be who we truly are. We both love and appreciate what we have become.

  4. Hi Meredith, Baker's post was awesome, and so is this :) I enjoyed reading perspective and answers. Love ttwa. It's amazing how it evolves :)


  5. Hi, Meredith,
    I enjoyed your perspective on the growth you and Jack have had as well. I'm happy you liked my post and appreciate your kind words.

  6. After four decades as a spank-no, Harry became open to the idea that spanking could be fun. The big change began the day he spanked for real and liked the effect. We've both grown a lot since then.
    Rosie xx

  7. Still working on the evolution and I realize I cannot yet answer these questions. It's such a struggle for my guy but he continues to make attempts and I believe he sees the many benefits. Consistency would be most helpful to both of us. Someday I hope to come back to these posts and answer these questions ;)