Sunday, March 19, 2017

Sticking To The Plan

There have been times since beginning ttwd that I have had trouble sticking to the plan. Today a faithful reader wrote to me regarding sticking to the plan. So now I will explain. 

Before I begin this reader's story, I thought I would share a diagram of how men and women approach plans. I showed this to Jack and he absolutely agreed. Men are hunters........ get in and get out. Women are gatherers meandering through so as not to miss anything. Do you agree? 

First what happens here............ life can get complicated. There are lots of things to do and a plan works. With Jack, we always follow a plan...... first, we go here, then we go there and so on. We do have times when we are more spontaneous. When I shop with a friend, we enjoy the fact that there is no plan! We meander and wander enjoying conversation and time together. So sometimes there is a plan and sometimes we alter the plan as needed into no plan at all. 

Not long ago, I received an email from a long-time faithful reader. She found herself in a situation and wanted my advice. Here it was Valentine's Day and her husband had decided that they would be staying home due to a family situation. They would celebrate with ice cream at a local ice cream place and look forward to another time for a dinner out. Then the situation changed and my friend texted her husband that they could indeed go out for a Valentine dinner. At this very point, the story became interesting. Her husband texted that plans were in place and they would be staying home. and would go for ice cream after dinner. Many texts crisscrossed between the couple. He held firm and said that there was no reason to change the plans and a decision had been made. 

My dear reader wrote that a dinner out would be wonderful, but her husband was firm about staying home. She asked me for advice. What should she do.......accept his decision or badger him into changing his mind? I said I knew exactly what and why she wanted here. However, a ttwd wife must follow those decisions that do not always make life easy. Ugh? I encouraged her to lean in here. She did just that only to have her husband text that he now wanted to go out to dinner. When they arrived at the chosen restaurant, they were turned away because they had no reservations. Where did they end up? That's right........ the ice cream place....... the very place they intended to go earlier when they were having dinner at home!

My friend did lean in and I think she felt pleased that she had supported her husband even though it was not what she had wanted. To end up at the very same ice cream place is poetic. She says that they are making their way and things are always changing. She always has such a confident outlook and I really like her. She has a keen sense of humor that I enjoy. I know she would value your comments. 



  1. While I struggle with this same issue, many times I have not been willing to lean in and go with Sir's plans resulting in arguements, and feelings as though he didn't care. I am currently working very hard on this issue.. following his plan. Today was such a day. While it started out sluggish and the potential to go downhill I chose instead to lean in and ended up having a spectacular day.

  2. Hi Meredith, I don't think I would have made a fuss about this. Just being together is enough, wherever we were going. There always has to be give and take, this time she gave, next time maybe he will...
    love Jan, xx

  3. Hi Meredith, it's funny how turned out...back at the ice cream shop. Good on your friend for leaning in and following her husband's plan. It's definitely not always easy to do.


  4. Although I never use the phrase "lean in," I try to remember the way my submission makes Sam feel. I love the way his face looks when I say, "Whatever you think."


  5. It must have been difficult when he changed his mind and the new plan went awry. Good for your friend for following her husband's wishes, I'm sure he was pleased by that, it really isn't easy.
    Rosie xx

  6. I love your diagram above, it's very funny!
    Things just go that way sometimes and it definitely wasn't one to dig your heels in over but aggravating all the same. Good for your friend for listening and going along with her husband, things have a way of working out, good, bad, or otherwise. It's a great story.

  7. Mere,,,you are a very good friend to this person,,,you did good and gave her good advice.


  8. So interesting to hear that others have this issue as well. Sounds like the best way to handle this is to go along to get along - and stay spank-free!

  9. Dear long-time faithful reader! You did a great job, and it will become easier and easier to lean in the more you do it.

    M, great post, and the diagram is so true!!


  10. Good advice Mere and congrats to your reader on leaning in. Live is easier, less frustrating and usually a lot less painful when you go with the flow and just follow his lead. ;)

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

  11. I tend to agree with Jan the main thing is as long as you're together. Whether you celebrate at home or at some fancy restaurant. You are with your man and that's the important thing. Good your friend leaned into her Hoh in the end. good advice to her Meredith.

    Hugs Lindy xx

  12. Kudos to your friend for leaning in, Meredith! :) You know, it does get easier to lean in, in a sense. In my humble opinion though, no matter how long one lives this dynamic, even after a bunch of years of this whole thing, there are going to be those times when leaning in is completely opposite to what you want to be doing. Yes, you are making your significant other happy. Yes, you are being submissive. The truth of the matter is that it is just hard sometimes, and I expect, it always will be that way. Your friend did a great job here! When she leans in, it is a very loving, and positive reinforcement to her hubby! Good for her! :)

    I guess the other part of this, if I may say so, is that the communication piece is incredibly important during these kinds of times. One submits because that is what we do here. At the same time, there is that very important intimacy piece that is about sharing our thoughts and feelings, in a loving and respectful way. I think it is important to do that. It's part of loving well.

    I'm so glad that your friend had a lovely time with her hubby! Life is funny sometimes- how they ended up having ice cream, after all! She's doing great! Many hugs to you, and your friend too,

    <3 Katie