Thursday, September 1, 2016

Learning Something New About TTWD

We had a rough few days at our house. I am going to try to tell you what we have learned about ourselves, our marriage and ttwd. We have learned something that I have heard others talk about, but we have not experienced it first hand until this weekend. Let me try to explain. 

We had a giant misunderstanding. The specifics are for just us and we will keep that private, but the way we solved this misunderstanding is for sharing.  There was a mistake made and I was very angry. So angry,  I could not calm down or settle down. Jack apologized, but I could not work through my anger. I told him I was going out to run errands and once I was away from the house, I did text him. I said I was way too angry to come home. I would be home after while. He called immediately and told hm in a hot minute that I was to get home now. No errands. He wanted me in my sitting spot in front of him and pronto. I came home, but I took my time going the long way. When I came in from the garage, he was sitting in his chair and he pointed to the ottoman in front of his chair. We stared at one another and then I sat down in front of him. 

We now were both very angry. He held my wrists in my lap and refused to allow my hands to escape. I was shaking with rage at being treated like this and wanted to escape, flee and nurture my anger at what had happened. Jack had no intention of allowing me to leave. I was directly in front of him and he started talking. He tilted my chin; he cupped by face as I cried and he held tight those wrists of mine. He talked and I cried. I have no idea how long this took............ maybe an eternity! 

Jack told me we were not going anywhere until some things happened. He had apologized and cupped my face all wet with tears asking if I heard his apology. I said yes, but tried unsuccessfully to look away. Then he asked if I would accept this apology. It took me a long time to finally say yes. A nod of my head wouldn't do. I said yes, my voice shaking with anger and began to cry. Then the waterworks really started and I could feel my anger leaving my body. I cried into his chest and he simply held me until the world faded away. 

Then he took me on his lap and the talk began. No, he would not spank. The whole episode had accelerated into something much bigger. Spanking isn't the answer here unless the anger festers and continues. This ttwd situation required leadership from my husband and quiet listening from his wife. There would be no distancing from one another. Not every situation requires a spanking. In this situation, as difficult as it was, we showed one another great love and respect in the midst of all that anger. 

Other bloggers always talked about the ttwd tool box all ttwd couples have. Inside are metaphorically lots of implements, but there is also the leadership qualities that made this ttwd come together for each couple. Jack lead us out of anger and distancing into straight talking keeping me from fleeing. He forced me to meet his eyes and not look away. He did not let me move until the anger was gone and we were facing forward. 

We did an RA the very next morning....... a glorifed gg! We both decided that we needed to hold dear those roles we take on and so Jack spanked. It was an easy spanking and afterwards, we talked. He told me that he knew exactly how to handle this situation and he would give me time to dissolve the anger. If that wasn't possible, then there would be fireworks on my backside. 

One really neat thing happened. My sweet ttwd friends were right there to offer support and love. This connecting happened throughout the day before Jack and I met at home as well as the next day when the whole thing was over. I felt so grateful to have their love and strength. A big thank you to both of you!

What happened between Jack and me has not happened before. We have been doing ttwd for over three years now and we have not had a situation dominated by anger. What happened was very powerful and illustrated exactly the power of leadership and one partner not allowing the other to distance in a heated situation. 

We did not suspend ttwd during that time. No, we used something in that tool box that we had never used before. Extraordinary leadership in a time of crisis........... I felt my husband's strength, guidance and love, not his hand or an implement. That strong leadership, powerful and gentle but very firm, helped us out of a situation we do not want to repeat.

A mistake was made and an apology was offered. My anger was justified, but I could not let it go. Jack literally talked me down and would not let me run away or turn away. He held me in place and simply waited me out. He required I look him in the eye and he often held my chin  to make his point. He did say his patience was wearing thin and decided to give me a little more time to let go of the anger. I leaned in at that tipping point, and just cried on his chest giving up and turning toward his love. 

This post has taken me about four days to write as I wanted to capture what happened accurately. The leadership of the Hoh is right there in that ttwd tool box and so is the leaning in of the submissive wife. However,  in the middle of all this, I wondered if we were finished with ttwd. When we were all back to our roles, I shared this thought with Jack and my ttwd friends. The answers deserve a post all their own. More to come!

Thanks, L.


  1. Mere,,,that is one sweet post,,,bless your dear friends


  2. I love this post Meredith! For me it shows great love and respect for one another, and understanding and strength in your relationship to have dealt with things this way. Jack knew exactly what was needed to carry you both through this and although I'm sure it was tough, you leaned in to do what was best for you both. I love that ttwd has many facets and that Jack knew that too. So glad things are back to the way they should be. Thank you for sharing this, it's a great story to tell.

  3. Hi Meredith, sorry you have had a hard couple of days, Hopefully everything will return to normal now, lots of sympathy,
    love Jan, xx

  4. I'm happy for you. Deep down I think it's the leadership and the feeling that he's 'got you' is what we all really want.

  5. This is so heartening to read, the difficult, hard times. And if I'm truthful in those times when I have left and back myself into an angry corner I have felt scared, empty and alone and what I most want is for H to put a stop to it, to hold me there and not allow me to keep that divide open.
    Well done to both of you for managing this x

  6. Hi Meredith, :)

    Loving well, and working hard to help each other stay in that realm is what I've discovered to be most important in the last few years. I'm so sorry that you went through this tough situation. At the same time, it sounds like it brought about discovery and growth. It is also an important reminder that it is not just about the spanking, but instead, about stepping toward one another vs. away, when things, as they can at times, get sticky.

    Good for Jack for stepping up, instead of stepping away, apologizing, and for insisting that you come together, and work through things instead of allowing you to spend time angry and away! Good for you for cooperating, leaning in, and then coming to an understanding/seeing the benefit of his actions.

    Big hugs to you both! These kinds of times are not fun at all. They happen; It is what we have learned to do with these kinds of times now, different from old patterns, that show us just how far we've come. When your mind drifted to thoughts of perhaps leaving ttwd behind because of all of this, you were unable to stand back and see how well it was actually working for you and Jack! Spanking is useful at times, but not the end all and be all of how we can love each other best. It is about communicating with the one that we love, in healthy ways, and not pulling away. You both did just that! Jack had you! Great for you both!

    Sometimes I think that the hardest times, show us some of the best things about our love. Just my humble opinion, but I hope that some of this is helpful? Glad that you two are back on track, and having some fun spanky, loving times that you enjoy. :) Many hugs and love,

    <3 Katie

  7. Sorry you had to go through this but so very proud of both of you, Mere! Jack did the right thing in not allowing you to distance yourself or allow your anger to fester. This was a rough time and you both came through it...stronger and more confident in each other and your relationship.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

  8. Well this made me a bit teary. I am just so thrilled for you. I wish I could leap through the computer and thank you for sharing.

  9. Hi Meredith, I'm sorry you and Jack went through such a rough time. I love how you worked through it together. Spanking isn't always the right thing. Thank you for sharing.


  10. Sorry you went through such a hard time Meredith. Its good how Jack stepped up and didn't allow your anger to manifest and distance yourself. The love shows through in this post with they way you came together.
    Hugs Lindy

  11. I think this shows great love and strength! It must have been so hard for Jack too! I mean all he can do is apologize. You both were able to come together and not shatter into pieces! Good for you in being able to stay close while you solved together!
    Love it.

  12. I am sorry that I missed this post - I am glad that the two of you have taken the time and strength to resolve and mend feelings. Love is such strength... Hugs

  13. M,
    I'm catching up after a couple of weeks out of touch with Blogland. I know this is all done and dusted for you but I want to say what a powerful post this is. It must have been so hard to get through and hard, too, to write about. I'm so glad this didn't end with a spanking. Jack has demonstrated that strong leadership is the most effective tool in the ttwd toolkit and spanking is not the answer in every situation. As always, thank you for sharing.
    Rosie xx