Tuesday, August 16, 2016

The Lost Years..............

This post started out to be such a good idea, but its epic length and the quoting of dear friends made this very difficult for me and now I am thoroughly exhausted. I hope what I wrote meets the approval of those who took the time to write. I am writing this little statement here, as you may never make it to the end of the post! 

An interesting aside here, only one contributor zeroed in on her overwhelming desire to be spanked. This desire has swept over her in waves all of her life and it gave me pause. To her, these were her lost years, wanting to be spanked and living with no fulfillment of that strong desire. Now she has that fulfillment and is very happy.  I have felt those same waves of need throughout my life too. How about you?

The Lost Years....... those years when couples are married and life just seems to get in the way of real loving! Jack and I have been married a long time. We have never had any trouble in our marriage....... no big arguing, no infidelity, nothing that has ever torn us apart. We each admit to some lost years before we began ttwd. These are the years when passion is on the back burner and we are facing forward managing all life has to throw at us. Many of us felt unfulfilled and yearned for dominance and spanking, but had no way to being fulfilled. 

Those lost years can never be reclaimed. They are gone. Those years are the ones in which we really did miss one another. So many reasons prevented us from the magic and fireworks found in doing ttwd. The raising of children, dual careers  and we each held not one, but two jobs, deployments, a lot of deployments.......... some were brief and some were long and dangerous. Early retirement found us healthy and ready to begin a new phase of life. However, I began a downward spiral asking the question "is this all there is?".

It was now time to turn to one another. We were living in that brother/sister style, caring and helpful, polite and sincere. That side by side condo model kept coming up. We were sharing a bed, but where were the fireworks? Where was the mighty fine loving? I simply could not shake the down and out feelings at a time I should feel excited and wonderful. We went on that sun break to Palm Springs that I have written about and ttwd was discovered by yours truly. I have blogged several times about that sun break and what followed at the very beginning of this blog.

I often think back to those lost years. The lost years seem now so very far away and I do not even know that Jack and Meredith. I was restless and did not know why. I desired someone to spank me and thought my sweet guy just wouldn't do it. I am so grateful for discovering ttwd and the blogs. I am thankful for the way things are now............ I am a spanked wife and the sex is mighty fine. Added to that are the ttwd friends I have made. To talk with another ttwd wife about how things work make it just so wonderful.

I am actually thankful for those lost years. They were dramatically different than the way things are now. Those years reflect that couples can and do change for the better. Some couples pull apart when the nest becomes empty. Some couples reinvent who they are and that is just what we did. In our family, there were four couples who married at the time we did. All were young. All had children. All are empty nesters and all are now divorced. Jack and I are the only ones left standing........ the only ones still married and happily married at that. We found that passion.

From the very beginning, I invited readers to share their stories back behind the blog. Many readers did just that. Some stayed for a while; some are right here with me today. So I asked those readers who continue to write about their lost years. All of them have answered my email very willing to share, which is really nice to feel their support. So I am going to share what they have to say in a way that safeguards their names and locations. I will use geographical locations here.

From the northeast, this reader who is now a dear friend writes about her need to be spanked being so intense that it came in great waves. She writes about being unfulfilled and yearning to be spanked. She continues, that at times, she could use the distraction of work, kids and life. However, she longed for satisfaction and fulfillment. At times, she could ignore her feelings, but often, the feelings overwhelmed her. As the years went by, sex was good in her long marriage. Her husband thought things were fine because the sex was good, but she wasn't completely satisfied....... just restless and needing something more. Even though she and her husband communicated well in the bedroom, her husband still thought things were fine. My friend believes in part that this was a gender thing......... each person here thinking different things: one thinks all is well; the other person thinking is this all there is? She often wondered if her strong desire to be spanked was normal or just plain weird. She went to that part of the bookstore marked erotica always searching for the fulfillment of her need to be spanked. She wrote about googling spanking wondering if red flashing lights and sirens would come down on her if she tried that. Eventually, much like all of us, she did google spanking and the ttwd world opened up for her. She shared how her life was good, her husband loved her, and her family was beautiful. There was just this one little thing that truly wasn't so little that she wanted to change. She wanted to somehow incorporate spanking into their lives in order to feel fulfilled and complete.  Finally she approached her husband, and he said yes, he would spank her. She writes that she is the happiest she has ever been, loved, spanked and smiling.

From across the pond, a reader wrote about the way things worked in her marriage. From the onset, this reader was a spanked wife, the first time without consent! She states again and again that the best thing about ttwd is not the spanking, but the communicating. She writes that she is a strong-willed, independent woman, but with a temper. Her husband is gentle and he warns when she is pushing her luck. From the very beginning, without the internet search that many of us have done, she was spanked. She isn't sure that there are lost years, only busy years. They learned as they went along. She later did give consent and they are happy. 

Several people wrote that ttwd and empty nest dovetailed and there were no, if only a few, empty years.

A reader along the eastern seaboard wrote that she and her husband had rough times, lost years. She says they were like very young children who parallel-play before they learn to play together. They vied for power, and eventually she won. However, happiness was not to be had. Tension was evident and there were long dry spells in lovemaking. Because those years represent such a large portion of their marriage, it has taken them awhile to get their stride in ttwd. She writes that she now sees concrete evidence of her husband taking charge. She is enjoying that. They are still learning and growing and are very happy. The lost years seem far away now. 

A reader in the midwest writes that there is no evidence of lost years in her marriage. This may be because they are a wee bit younger than most of my readers who write to me. She and her husband are just getting started doing ttwd and are just discovering the magical combination of ttwd and sex. They are headed to an empty nest situation soon and her husband claims that perhaps they could have started years before. LOL! 

Another eastern seaboard reader writes that there were years of power struggles between she and her husband. She wrote that it was all she knew. Ttwd has given their relationship more balance and order as her husband is leading. They are now closer emotionally and the increased intimacy has literally skyrocketed when once it was almost gone. Sweet!

Then there is a sweet reader from the southeast who wrote an elegant ttwd/lost years essay. I am very impressed with her writing and do not want to condense such a fine piece of writing. I am asking her if I can copy her essay and post it as a separate post.  She writes sincerely about how ttwd evolved as she and her husband built their own kind of ttwd. She worried that theirs was different than others and then realized that that was the way it was suppose to be. Each couple approaches ttwd from their own point of view. She describes a life of great loving and a promise her husband made to her. She would always come first in their relationship. Her writing so touched my heart. She wrote of the lost years when things seemed amiss and she and her husband did not support one another fully, but loved one another completely. I hope she says yes to putting up her essay because it is poignant and impressive. 

Just as I was ready to post, a fellow blogger wanted to give her opinion. She thinks renaming these lost years to "The Informing Years" is best. She writes of great love and trust, but it was these years that gave notice that changes were now required to take their marriage to a new level. Even in the spanky action, there was always great love, a real connection of sorts. She shares that there are many benefits to ttwd and for the most part, it is downright fun and sexy. 

And as things go, another blogger wanted to add her opinion as well. She writes that she and her husband spent a lot of time angry and stubborn. They had no means to get over the anger. Each were focused on their own agenda. She felt that she was right and he was wrong. She said sex was their way back to one another. It is the silences she regrets most. She now feels the union of spirits, not in a religious sense, but in the bonding between two human beings. She is thankful for the way her marriage has changed. 

Finally, this reader lives east of the Mississippi. She wrote that before she and her husband began ttwd, she have never even thought about spanking. Really?? She is most grateful for the ttwd relationship she and her husband have. She calls what she and her husband have is a new level of loving. No lost years, just very different. 

You made it to the very end. Thank you for reading. Please let all of us know what you think. We are all interested. 

Thanks, L. 


  1. Wow Meredith, this is a great and interesting post. I hadn't really thought about the lost years and it's interesting to read the different viewpoints of your contributors on this. Thank you all for sharing.

    I would say ttwd greatly enhanced our relationship with greater communication, intimacy etc but I'm not sure there were lost years prior to ttwd as such.


  2. Meredith,
    You did this epic topic justice. Those of us who regularly read the various blogs knew that each couple came to ttwd in a different way. The life experiences and distinct personalities build each ttwd relationship in a unique way.

    What was special about this post was to see them side by side. I really loved hearing about the "yearning" to be spanked that was carried silently for so long. It articulated something I have known and felt all my life.

    Great work on this post, Mere.

  3. Mere,,,this was most interesting,,,,great post, : - )


  4. "Lost Years" is a very complicated term for me. I regret that I wasn't more sexually active with Ty back in the day. But for ten + years, I was either nursing or pregnant. I was exhausted. Would I give up the lost years? Nope. But I do wish that I could just add to them. I have been dealing with admitting my regrets (with my couselor). All of the things that I regret were things that I really couldn't change. Who knew where our sex life would bring us. And now together, we are building and learning and becoming. Our love is greater than ever before.
    I am not sure if I am responding to yur post in the correct way. It's just what popped into my mind when I say the term Lost Years, So thanks me for letting me write this in your comment zone.

  5. The Lost Years is a very apt expression...it was summed up for us by the great cartoonist Larson when one cow turns to another and said "Wendle, I am not content". That was the spark that spurred us out of our lethargy (that probably would have resulted in divorce) down the spanking path. No regrets, never look back.

  6. This is so interesting. We are not far from our lost years. Having just celebrated 26 years, I am just starting to realize how lost they really were and in so many ways. I refuse to look back with regret as we had a good marriage but I am now seeing how much greater it could have been. Instead, I'll just enjoy what's coming down the road.

  7. Awesome, awesome, awesome! Great post!!

  8. Very well written post Meredith. While we actually have spent the majority of our 40 years of marriage doing TTWD, the sad part for me is that I never understood there actually was a purpose for this process until discovered several years ago doing some research. I just thought that spankings were a turn on and that they could also serve another purpose for keeping peace in the home was news to me. I don't necessarily regret that, it's just so much better now that we both know we clearly have a purpose and sense of direction with what we do!! I am just thankful that Sir had the leadership to do what was necessary to keep the peace even in our early years regardless of potential consequences. Apparently, it kept us on a strong path to a very loving and long lasting marriage.

  9. Meredith, you have certainly done this topic justice. I love that you included input from readers, although it must have been a lot of work to put it together. The Lost Years is a really interesting one and I can definitely say that we have had our share of them, both good, bad, and otherwise. Thinking about that time just makes me that much more grateful for ttwd and the changes its made for our marriage, our family, and our home. Thank goodness we found it!
    Thank you for a very interesting and thought provoking post, you never ever disappoint. XO

  10. Meredith,
    I am one of those women who believe they were wired from birth with the need to be spanked. Fate decreed that I fell in love with a man who found the idea abhorrent and would not countenance spanking me under any circumstances.

    As with your contributor, the desire for fulfilment was overwhelming at times but it was against Harry's nature and I couldn't argue with that.

    Harry changed his mind after 43 years - thanks to 'that' book - and spanking for fun morphed into ttwd once he got into his stride. The past is what it is. We are reaping the benefits of this way of life now, better late than never.

    Rosie xx

  11. Love this post about the "Lost Years". So much of it resonates with me. I know we had some lost years in the middle of our marriage when things were busy and the children were young. So happy we stuck by each other and now couldn't be happier with TTWD in our lives.
    Thank you for sharing this with us Meredith.

    Hugs Lindy

  12. No lost years here, Mere...but am seeing that if Matthew had lived, things would have been much different than with my ex...it was already different but he was really leaning towards more fun. :)

    Hugs and blessings...Cat