Saturday, June 4, 2016

Career Woman / Submissive Wife

I am this woman......... the trapeze artist flying through the air with the greatest of ease............ most of the time!  My life is a balancing act, filled with the perfect sensual tension and the delicious chemistry of ttwd. I balance independence and submission hoping always to do so gracefully.

I was a career woman, and not a submissive wife. We did not begin ttwd until after I stopped working. In my early posts, I explain how all that happened. Now in the big world outside our door, I am seen by many as an independent woman. I have many outside activities which require me to make decisions and relate to people as a leader. When I across our threshold, I lean in. I become Jack's submissive wife accepting my role and following his lead. I can and do wear both hats. Stumbling is all part of this new lifestyle. I have a husband who loves his peace.

It is that secret life I wrote about not long ago. We ttwd wives live this dual public and private life. A great friend, Laurel, said it so well when we emailed one another about this topic. She said, "It is a matter of balance and I find the two roles easy because the boundaries are very clear. In my life outside my home, I make decisions in my career. When I walk into my house at the end of the day, I leave that role and my priorities change. I look to my husband to make decisions or help me do so. He leads and I follow. I love being in his arms feeling safe and taken care of in the early morning and at the end of the day. I like this balance. I always have been able to separate the two and have always considered my work  only a small part of my larger life." 

Another faithful reader who wrote to me recently saying something that must be shared in its entirety. A faithful reader J, her husband said that ttwd is here to stay. She wrote, "I think a post about the dichotomy in a career woman and a submissive wife would be so good! And it is true-- I'm definitely seen as a strong woman (not in an ultra feminist, bossy way--- just a strong woman) and anyone would be completely shocked about the way we live our leading/submitting chemistry in our marriage. Our friends/family see it when they are around us. They see the chemistry, but, of course, don't know all that supports it behind the scenes. I am not a career woman..... as I work in a support position, still working towards a certified position, but I am a leader in several roles in my life. I personally think the tension there is delicious- the transformation I can have when at home and whenever I'm with hubby, to lay down the power is such a freeing feeling. 

Good friend Katie of This Whole Thing added her comments too. She wrote, " It takes strong women who feel good about themselves to submit. I am thinking that our men do excellent jobs in appreciating our knowledge --- what our strong points are that we bring to the marriage table. It really becomes teamwork. 

When independence and submission clash, we all know what happens. Jack keeps the peace in our home. I always remember that I am the happiest I have ever been.

I love the snippets this post holds: strong women, delicious tension, secret chemistry, and a balancing act gracefully mastered. Ttwd causes renewed intimacy. You and your husband return to that just married time when your love was new and exciting. Now you bring  wisdom and experience to your marriage. I love that readers and a fellow blogger comment here to make this post really a testimonial for ttwd. 

I like when J. writes that she lays down her power and enters her home ready to submit to her husband. I like when Kaite calls us strong women who decide to submit. I love when Laurel calls our life as ttwd women a graceful balancing act. 

Thank you, Laurel, J., and Katie. 



  1. This is a wonderful post Meredith. You have captured the essence of a submissive wife in ttwd. The key for me here is that it happens by choice. I think you have to know yourself very well and accept all that entails to happily lead a life like this. I agree with Katie, it does take two strong and secure people wanting to work together to both benefit from Ttwd, and I also agree with J that laying down the power can be although hard at times, extremely liberating. For me the boundaries and balance are important, it helps to make this thing whole and I'm forever grateful my guy feels exactly the same way.
    Thank you Meredith.

  2. Great post. I am open about being a submissive wife in all walks of life. But I am only submissive to Dragon. People who forget it experience a great deal of regret. Spanking, Dd and kink stay in the closet. Some people know but most have no idea. It is funny. In the kink world, I find acceptance but not at church. There is nothing sinful or dirty about submitting to my husband but it is taboo

  3. Wonderful post...great insights from all of you. It can be a difficult balance, giving up that power when one has it all day....but once you taste the freedom of giving it never want to go back.
    hugs abby

  4. hi Meredith, lovely post about a lovely lifestyle. I am very happy to lay down my leadership at home, it is like a sanctuary to me after all the hard stuff I have to decide about outside our walls,
    love Jan, xx

  5. Love this post Meredith. Totally agree this is a fantastic lifestyle and handing over all the final decisions is the best feeling.
    Hugs Lindy

  6. I have lived this 'dual' life for almost all of my adult relationships and have to agree with Laurel. When I walked in the door, I was no longer Cat the whatever my role at work was, I was Cat the wife and mom. Totally different "positions" with different responsibilities.

    Love this post, Mere!

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

  7. Thank you for putting this into words. We are still finding that balance - after so many years of my leading the way, my guy finds it hard to take the reins (so to speak) and I find it hard to give them up (and sometimes frustrated that he doesn't yank them out of my hand)! He has pointed out that he has nobody to ask questions of or to explain this in "guy" terms so he can understand. He has a point. You all have been so helpful to me and it is appreciated.

  8. Meredith, this post is special in several ways. I loved that you used the words of other wives to make your point. It shows how different we all are and how we are the same, too.

    The other observation that comes through loud and clear is that ttwd is not at all about what we give up but about what we gain.


  9. This is just so great. It is the very same in my house but the genders are reversed

  10. Thoughtful post Meredith. I love Ella's comment that ttwd is not at all about what we give up but about what we gain.

  11. This is a very powerful post Meredith.
    I don't think this could have been said any better. And as always comes at a time when I am struggling with power and submission. I have already re-read this several times and am reflecting on the message here. Thank you for sharing.

  12. GREAT post, Meredith! :) Thanks for sharing some thoughts from others, and including some of mine as well. It is a huge topic to consider for sure!

    Ella's addition reminds me a bit of some things that I noted in a post that I wrote a while back. I had been looking through past posts, pulling pieces out that I thought were powerful things learned:

    "This is about loving with all of your being. It's about doing the hard stuff even when it doesn't make sense to you at times.
    He just prefers it for whatever reason. It makes him happy.
    It is about what we do, what we give up and give in to, or compromise about for the one that we love."

    All of the pieces that you speak of above go together for sure! To walk in the door and let ones self be taken care of, to learn that balance, to help each other to grow, even while staying in our chosen roles, to work together to love with all our being, to share intimately in ways new and old. To let go of certain things/take on certain things for love... How special is that? LOVE this post, Meredith! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

  13. I agree with Ella - it is about what we gain! We gain a more comprehensive experience of life...leading in some arenas, following and submitting at home. And Laurel hit such an important point - it MUST be by choice of both of you. If it doesn't enrich both your lives, something has gone wrong.

    I count myself fortunate that I get to experience strength and leading, but also laying aside power and submitting. To have a husband I can trust enough to share that life experience is very powerful.

    This is a fantastic post about a beautiful paradox, Meredith. You handled it very, very well! ~Jennifer