Saturday, May 14, 2016

The Double Lives of Ttwd Wives

Real Life Me and Jack's Meredith

I have had the pleasure of meeting several ttwd bloggers and readers. What fun it is to meet someone who appreciates and lives  ttwd! 

Although no illegal activities are involved in our ttwd lives, all of us participating are leading double lives. Once I have met online people, they call me my real life name. However, Jack calls me Meredith all the time, but when we are with others, he calls me my real life name. Confused yet?  I called him Jack way before we began ttwd so friends are used to that. Sometimes I even get confused so it is a good thing I do not keep international secrets. 

A favorite reader and a good friend emailed that leading a ttwd double life was really exciting. She writes that she feels excited living a double life. She says she has a secret that makes her very happy. She knows when she is out and about with her sweet guy, many things come into play: his glance, his slow deep voice in her ear, his touch on her arm or her bottom, a fun swat in passing, the smile across the room, the special flirting, the perpetual date, the knowing look, the sighs and whispers, the hand holding, the kiss on the forehead, his hand that knows just the right places that hint of more to come in private, a gentle knowing look, a firm squeeze and for me, a passing comment about peace and a particular valley.  

We were with others recently. We had come in a little late, rushed and delayed by traffic. Jack went to get us drinks as I stopped to greet people. From across the room, he winked at me and I simply melted. A wink and a smile......... that's all it takes from my man to guarantee a spicy time once we ditch the party. 

Things can be tellling the other way for us double life wives. Raised eyebrows, a "come to me" finger motion, a taking of a wrist instead of a hand, a stern whispered word, a warning look over the heads of those around us............  secret actions we ttwd wives understand immediately. 

So we ttwd wives hold a sweet secret. The secret is extra sweet because we share with our ttwd friends. That just adds to the sweetness. 

Do you ever feel like you are leading a double life?  I'm thinking that the public woman and the ttwd wife are two different people in the very same body and I would think so do many of you. Do you agree? Do you lead a double life? 

Thank you, L, a faithful reader, for the excellent idea.
Thanks, L.


  1. Hi Meredith, yes I do!
    love Jan, xx

  2. Hi Meredith, oh yes, I used to love having that secret between us when out with others and I agree, it very much felt like dating,

    There was another side too where you are with friends and they invite you to do something expecting an answer straight away, but you need permission, or at least to discuss it first. That gets a little awkward to handle.


  3. Yes, I definitely agree there is a double life that is lead. Initially I was embarrassed but now I enjoy those secretive nuances that hold special meaning between Sir and myself. On the other hand, it is nice to have the friendships here in blog land to share thoughts with those that "get" this life style.

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  5. I so agree with you. We call each other our pet names more than any other names. No I don't call him Daddy, Sir, Master, or His Royal Highness, no matter how much he suggests. So remembering names isn't always an issue. And I say "your dad" a lot. It is a double life but not such much the looks, and feelings of special love, or hearing his words whispered in my ear. It's the spankings that make me feel different. When I say something like "uh oh, I am in trouble" because I have seen his look, my friends laugh but they don't know that it's not funny to me.

  6. This is so very much my life. I love sharing it all with my guy, it's like having another language to communicate by. One evening with friends I was getting a little cheeky and he said in front of everyone...I will deal with you later. Everyone laughed, I smiled, blushed, and felt that sweet surge deep inside knowing what he really meant. Oh it's a wonderful thing. I think about it often and wonder if others around me also have a sweet little secret. Fantastic post Meredith!

  7. Mere,,this is a very good post,, : - )


  8. Meredith,
    Thank you so much for this post. Just today I was in a significant public gathering and thinking about my many friends who were with me in that momentous occasion. I wondered...really wondered...who my REAL friends are...those whom, if they knew, would accept me and not think I'm a total idiot or, worse, doormat...which I am NOT!!
    In my circles, I am considered a strong woman and leader, roles I don't take at all lightly. What if those who follow me and look up to me knew that my husband can pull me over his knee whenever he thinks is the right time (yesterday was one such incident that I hadn't planned on) and put me completely in my place...the place that brings both of us peace, joy, intimacy, those knowing glances and that perpetual date?
    It is rather exciting to have "our secret." And yet, it's more than a secret, a passing fancy, or a fun little role-play. It has become a part of the fabric of "us", a fundamental of who we are and how we relate in that sacred relationship of husband and wife.
    In fact, the secretive nature of that ttwd dynamic reminds me of other lovely and guarded secrets that we have relished together as a couple for many years. It brings a smile to my face...and to his.
    Thanks again, Meredith!

  9. I definitely feel like we lead a double life, Meredith. Love having our secret and sometimes others look at us wondering what's happening.
    Hugs Lindy

  10. I like this question very much. The secret part of ttwd, seems to be so natural to us now. If we are with others and Sam's eyes meet mine, I can tell what he is thinking. Is there a tiny smile on his mouth and in his eyes. Or are the eyebrows just a bit narrowed? Is his hand on my arm soft or is his hand on my knee under the table a warning.

    The question really poses a bigger one. Which is my real life?

    Thanks to you, Mere, and to L. as well.

  11. I guess I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, yes, it can be exciting to have this ttwd secret, to have it just between Nash and I and IRL, to connect with and share with others here blogland who understand. But, other times I wish it wasn't something that needed to stay hidden, that I could feel comfortable being myself, all that entails, all the time. *shrug*

  12. Not being in a full ttwd lifestyle yet, i feel like i have to stay "hidden" from my real life friends. I tried to talk about my thoughts about the lifestyle to one of my close friends. I could tell it wasn't something she agreed with, so quick change of subject and we were laughing about something new. I wish there was someone i could talk to face to face but i do read the blogs. This is my place where i feel normal.
    A simple wink, look from across the room, a whisper, etc! I know what you mean! Recently went to a grad party where i brought dishes. Thought I'd buy some extra serving spoons in case they needed some for other dishes. We ended up buying extra spoons plus 2 more implements for us! Lol! The look when he shows me a new spatula!

  13. I like Ella's question of "which is my real life?" There is truth there - because my life with my husband, of which TTWD is a core element, is definitely my real life. But I do understand the double life reference, and I identify with this feeling, too. Very occasionally, I think "What on Earth are we doing!?" - but, most of the time, it just makes me smile as I think about what we share, how close we are and the security I have in our marriage now.

    I deeply appreciate having a connection with you, Meredith, because otherwise I'd be flying solo in TTWD land and it helps so much to have someone who knows and understands!

    This is one of my favorite posts of yours! ~Jennifer

  14. I love the way we have this thing in common. Sometimes it virtually makes me float on air when I think what a long way we have come and how much enjoyment and happiness it has brought us - and we were happy anyway. It's just magical, isn't it?

    Love this post!