Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Lots And Lots Of Communication




I have said it before. We communicate a whole lot more than spank. Thank the Lord! Talking is so much easier than spanking. Right? Although sometimes here at Jack and Meredith's home, the talking and the spanking occur at the very same time.

Recently readers have written to ask advice. I do not hold any answers. The only thing I can say is that there is way more talking than spanking going on at my house. Since beginning ttwd, we have learned to talk, really talk. We listen to one another. I continue to work on listening without interrupting. That will always be a work in progress.

Someone at the very beginning told me that these men are not mind readers. We have to tell them what we need and what we want. Those early talks seem so long ago now. As we first talked, Jack began to articulate what he wanted: peace. I talked about what I wanted: a husband who led and I promised to follow................ most of the time. We worked hard together to get things right for us.

Now when someone new writes to me, I write back advising to talk to the one you love. In the beginning, Jack and I did a lot of our talking in the car with eyes forward.  We still do those car talks. Car talks always felt like the safe way to explore the new roles we were assuming. Sometimes I was nervous and sometimes Jack did all the talking. Sometimes it was my turn to talk. I remember one time we drove around talking because we were making headway and felt good about the content of our discussion.

When you begin ttwd, you are not following another couple's plan. You and your husband are charting your own ttwd plan. You are building a way to have peace and harmony.  Any plan worthy of success needs careful discussion. Again, it is the talking that makes the difference.

Let me know if you agree with me.

Meredith

11 comments:

  1. You got it Mere! Communication is the KEY! Don't know if I ever said this to you but bottom line...ttwd is different for every couple just as every marriage/relationship is different. It is a tool to help improve a relationship...not the be all/end all. ;) Oh and BTW...I think car talks, especially longer drives, are good because their are not a lot of interruptions and you really can't, safely, make a lot of eye contact. LOL

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  2. Brilliant. Like a good reading teacher -- many tools to draw from to inspire effective learning and growing. Love this entry. Glad we're friends. G

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  3. Hi Meredith, wonderful advice! Communication is so very important in any relationship, ttwd or otherwise.

    Hugs
    Roz

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  4. I agree with the car talks....no easy way to exit the situation. Communication is essential to make relationships good for both involved...and was all have to find the TTWD that works for our relationship.
    hugs abby

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  5. I do agree with you, Mere. The talking and discussing is what helps to shape the unique partnership that ttwd brings about. It is sort of like falling in love all over again. You reveal yourself once more and readjust the dynamic day by day.

    It is a bit surprising to me that the talking about our relationship goes on. As we experience new challenges in life, the ttwd expands to take that in. It is never static.

    Ella

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  6. Talking is so important! It has helped us slowly make our own ttwd...what works for us. And car talks sure help! I can't tell you the number of times we haven't been finished with our conversation and have sat in the drive for a good half hour. Our kids probably thought we were nuts.

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  7. I absolutely agree with you Meredith. Ttwd and communication are intricately intertwined and without communication ttwd does not truly exist in the relationship, it then becomes something very different.
    Another great post to ponder. Thanks!

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  8. Car talks....LOL. We have had so many of those. There is no easy exit for either person and many times it's a place with (what I have found) the least distractions. We try to have one of these a week.

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  9. I'm slowly starting to catch on to this communication thing, but it is SO difficult. This is the most awkward subject we have ever discussed in our 25 years of marriage. I feel very vulnerable and embarrassed and needy and and and! I'm also asking him to completely go out of his comfort zone, not only in spanking but in leading (he worries about being bossy or unfair) which makes me feel guilty (though I will say, he is really starting to show signs of "getting" it and has expressed incredible support and understanding. So we will continue to talk and I will continue to read all of your wonderful blogs and comments and hopefully we will land in a good place. All I want is to be a better wife. That can't be a bad thing!

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  10. Hi Meredith, you are so right with what you say about communication. It is wonderful that you have that and I am glad that hubby and I have it too. We also have the car talks, and they can help a lot. My favourite place to talk is on our bed though. :) And you are definitely right by saying that every couple has to follow their own way of ttwd, not anybody else's.

    hugs

    Nina

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  11. Excellent advice! I totally agree. Communication really is the key ... to any relationship really, but definitely in regard to ttwd!

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