Thursday, December 3, 2015
Choose Your Words Wisely, Meredith
I love choosing...................in the shoe department, at the fancy restaurant, at the bookstore, at the delicatessen, on Amazon, ........... choosing what I like and enjoying my choices.
Jack has reminded me to choose my words carefully. He prefers to call me Meredith. He asks the question: Did you choose your words carefully? Are you making wise choices in what you are saying to me?
Before we began Ttwd, my reactions, opinions, statements, etc would and did trigger arguments as we fought for control concerning the way we do things.We usually agreed on whatever we had to discuss. However every once in awhile, agreements did happen. I could become quite fierce at distancing when things were not going my way. I could become silent and fuming and so looking for something I could not even name.
So when we began ttwd, I wondered how this would all work a few years in. Well, here we are! More than a few years in! Jack has come into his role with grace, gentleness and a firm hand....... pun fully intended! I think about the way we both were at the beginning. We were unsure sometimes about just how to handle a whole new way of doing things. we were trying to chart a new way to deal with one another. We wanted to begin a new way to be respectful. I was floundering, not real happy. I wondered if this was all there was. I wondered if I was happy. That brother/sister thing felt very real back then. We decided to give this ttwd a try. We would work at finding our way and our own brand, something that would work for us. At the beginning, there are lots of false starts and lots of spankings. Changing a marriage and learning new roles was tough. We kept at it.
We began with a sitting spot........ a place to sit eyeball to eyeball and talk things over. Sometimes the talk ended with lots of loving and sometimes the talk ended with a spanking. Things continued to evolve as we both figuratively stood outside our marriage and watched what was happening as we used ttwd: few arguments, lots of good loving, more communication, the beginning of Meredith learning to lean into what Jack wanted. Wow! Progress could be slow and difficult. I had difficulty giving up control in many things. We had family "wolf" difficulty and Jack was most insistent in his wife doing what he expected concerning that.
Ever so slowly, things began to change. I began leaning in. I choose my words carefully. I watched the way I speak to Jack and to this day, work daily on not interrupting. I have my good days and my not so good days on that note.
This comment below was made by a faithful blog reader who has become a good friend. She nailed the way I feel two years in. In the big world, I am my alter ego........ a woman who is independent and strong willed. However, at home I have learned the benefits of giving up control. I have learned to lean into my husband. Maybe, like Ramona, I have mellowed after finding "the right guy" and ttwd. I have said often, Jack so loves the results of ttwd and the peace that surrounds his home.
Comment by Laurel on the Ramona post:
I think it's possible that Ramona could have mellowed over the years and especially if she found the right guy. He would have to be some HOH to handle her. Sometimes the more independent and strong willed you are in public means the desire to be cared for at home is equally as strong. I say it's possible.
So, am I happy? You bet!
Are you happy?