Thursday, December 3, 2015

Choose Your Words Wisely, Meredith



I love choosing...................in the shoe department, at the fancy restaurant, at the bookstore, at the delicatessen, on Amazon, ........... choosing what I like  and enjoying my choices.

Jack has reminded me to choose my words carefully. He prefers to call me Meredith. He asks the question: Did you choose your words carefully? Are you making wise choices in what you are saying to me?

Before we began Ttwd, my reactions, opinions, statements, etc would and did trigger arguments as we fought for control concerning the way we do things.We usually agreed on whatever we had to discuss. However every once in awhile, agreements did happen. I could become quite fierce at distancing when things were not going my way. I could become silent and fuming and so looking for something I could not even name. 

So when we began ttwd, I wondered how this would all work a few years in. Well, here we are! More than a few years in! Jack has come into his role with grace, gentleness and a firm hand....... pun fully intended! I think about the way we both were at the beginning. We were unsure sometimes about just how to handle a whole new way of doing things. we were trying to chart a new way to deal with one another. We wanted to begin a new way to be respectful. I was floundering, not real happy. I wondered if this was all there was. I wondered if I was happy. That brother/sister thing felt very real back then. We decided to give this ttwd a try. We would work at finding our way and our own brand, something that would work for us. At the beginning, there are lots of false starts and lots of spankings. Changing a marriage and learning new roles was tough. We kept at it.

 We began with a sitting spot........ a place to sit eyeball to eyeball and talk things over. Sometimes the talk ended with lots of loving and sometimes the talk ended with a spanking. Things continued to evolve as we both figuratively stood outside our marriage and watched what was happening as we used ttwd: few arguments, lots of good loving, more communication, the beginning of Meredith learning to lean into what Jack wanted. Wow! Progress could be slow and difficult. I had difficulty giving up control in many things. We had family "wolf" difficulty and Jack was most insistent in his wife doing what he expected concerning that. 

Ever so slowly, things began to change. I began leaning in. I choose my words carefully. I watched the way I speak to Jack and to this day, work daily on not interrupting. I have my good days and my not so good days on that note.

This comment below was made by a faithful blog reader who has become a good friend. She nailed the way I feel two years in. In the big world, I am my alter ego........ a woman who is independent and strong willed. However, at home I have learned the benefits of giving up control. I have learned to lean into my husband.  Maybe, like Ramona, I have mellowed after finding "the right guy" and ttwd. I have said often, Jack so loves the results of ttwd and  the peace that surrounds his home. 

Comment by Laurel on the Ramona post:

I think it's possible that Ramona could have mellowed over the years and especially if she found the right guy. He would have to be some HOH to handle her. Sometimes the more independent and strong willed you are in public means the desire to be cared for at home is equally as strong. I say it's possible.

So, am I happy? You bet! 
Are you happy?


Thank, L.

Meredith

12 comments:

  1. Mere,that is a sweet post,,I don't know if I could have done what you have done,,You and Jack work really hard at this and it shows,,

    L.

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  2. Aww, that's really sweet. And I really hope for you that the word "had" means that your wolf situation is finally over.

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  3. Hi Meredith, Nice post. In answer to your question. YES, I am very happy. I always have been happy with my husband but now it is like the world has an extra sparkle!!
    love Jan,xx

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  4. Yes...to the happy question, more that i ever believed possible. That response from Laurel rings very true...
    hugs abby

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  5. Yes, I totally agree with her comment on Ramona! And even while we aren't to the stage you and Jack are, I am happy. We are happy. It's just so much...MORE than it was before, and only in good ways.

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  6. These sort of posts are so helpful for me to get insight as to where we are trying to go. Well, where I hope we are both trying to go. It is mighty complicated in my brain, but then I read this and I think it may be complicated but we can do it. I think. I hope.

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  7. So very happy for you and Jack, Mere. Ya know, most of the DD/TTWD wives I know are extremely strong women who can stand on their own and take care of themselves if necessary. They choose to give their submission to their HoH/Dom. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that Matthew was honored that I chose to submit to him in our relationship.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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  8. Meredith you and Jack have a special relationship and your happiness shines through in your posts. You are an inspiration.
    Mignon

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  9. I really love visiting here, Meredith. I grow in my understanding each and every time. We will not all end up in the same place, but hopefully, we will all choose a road that suits who we both are and a destination that brings us both joy.

    You never try to push your readers in any one direction. You gently take them by the hand and gracefully lead. I appreciate that so much, especially this week. Things are going well.

    Just Saying Thanks

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  10. Meredith lovely post explaining the way TTWD has made you lean in and happy. I feel it has been the best thing to happen to Bear and I. We have always been happy together but as Jan says it adds an extra sparkle to the relationship. thank you for sharing.
    Hugs Lindy

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  11. Oh, yes, I'm very happy! Ttwd has enhanced a happy marriage and made it even better.

    Rosie

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  12. Meredith.. this post is powerful and says much about the early struggles of ttwd and yet the rewards are tremendous. Thank you as always for sharing this honest and personal side of your relationship.

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