We have had a ttwd marriage for over two years. I stepped down and Jack stepped up. At the beginning, I had a hard time relinquishing control. I loved the idea of Jack leading, but we had had an equal marriage for a long time. Jack was firm and consistent. We inched our way to his beloved peace. We have been here for quite awhile now......... smooth and steady with occasional bumps along the way!
Ttwd marriage is a lot like a trapeze act. Give and take, choreography set to the rhythm of life, it is a lot like a dance....... he leads and I follow high above the net. Actually, it is more like a trapeze act between two loving people. Jump and the net will appear! The wife must let go of control; the husband must be ready to take charge. The net is of course the bottom line, the thing that catches us and puts us back on track. The net equals spanking in this analogy.
Several people helped me develop this post by emailing and talking with me. Portia, a guest blogger right here on this blog and our own Katie of This Whole Thing have helped me refine this great ttwd analogy. So all three of us are contributing here. Make sure you visit Katie's blog at http://thiswholething.blogspot.com. She writes of the unwanted spanking, not wanted, but needed. Portia contributed by writing an email which I reworded below. Her guest post was published in August.
The trapeze act requires complete trust of both people. Right? Both partners must be reliable, committed and consistent in their moves to keep one another up in the air.......... an air dance high above the net. When one falters, the other must help them back to where they need to be. In ttwd, we need to trust our partners to feel safe. We know that when things go wrong, and we fall, our partners will do what is necessary to get us back on track. What usually works in most ttwd marriages is a spanking. The predictability of a spanking, always knowing that it so magically restores our roles and our cherished connection are extremely comforting. The spanking is our safety net no matter how crazy things get. It has the power to bring us back to us which is what those of us who do ttwd love the most. It is the connection and the reset. That net is the one major tool we use that consistently works to maintain the balance. It is what gives us comfort knowing that there is a way to get through whatever it is we are feeling if we are unable to manage by ourselves or if another way is not working. It is the bottom line .......... our bottom.
Portia continues saying that for she and Jace, she likes knowing that their life is happy and safe and will continue that way. Their commitment to one another is unwavering. Like the trapeze act, ttwd takes time and commitment to get to this place that serves us so well.
Graceful, and with the greatest of ease, the couple performs a balancing act high above the net. The net remains in place reassuring to always be there. The balancing act works well. The marriage thrives. The net is in place ready to catch us, if things are off or need adjusting.
I am not a meek wife. I am not a docile wife. I am not a wifey. I voice my opinions loud, clear and often. Usually doing that is just fine because I speak respectfully. This week I had one of those bottom line spankings........ the kind that was no fun and serious. Our net was firmly in place. Speaking disrespectful and with my voice rising and then becoming distant and not talking at all, Jack stepped in. I was spanked, twice! He chose the strap and the wooden spoon Katie had gifted me with! It was not fun and it hurt like heck. However after the spanking, our world was set back in place. We spent a long time talking about us and how we have grown and turned toward one another. Jack reestablished peace and we began again our trapeze act gracefully and way up high above the net.
Is your marriage a balancing act on the flying trapeze graceful and trusting high above the net?
Thank you, Katie and Portia, for your input and sharing.
Thank you, L.