Friday, September 4, 2015

Our TTWD Safety Net

We have had a ttwd marriage for over two years. I stepped down and Jack stepped up. At the beginning, I had a hard time relinquishing control. I loved the idea of Jack leading, but we had had an equal marriage for a long time. Jack was firm and consistent. We inched our way to his beloved peace. We have been here for quite awhile now......... smooth  and steady with occasional bumps along the way! 

Ttwd marriage is a lot like a trapeze act. Give and take, choreography set to the rhythm of life,  it is a lot like a dance....... he leads and I follow high above the net. Actually,  it is more like a trapeze act between two loving people. Jump and the net will appear! The wife must let go of control; the husband must be ready to take charge. The net is of course the bottom line, the thing that catches us and puts us back on track. The net equals spanking in this analogy. 


Several people helped me develop this post by emailing and talking with me. Portia, a guest blogger right here on this blog and our own Katie of This Whole Thing have helped me refine this great ttwd analogy. So all three of us are contributing here. Make sure you visit Katie's blog at She writes of the unwanted spanking, not wanted, but needed. Portia contributed by writing an email which I reworded below. Her guest post was published in August.

The trapeze act requires complete trust of both people. Right? Both partners must be reliable, committed and consistent in their moves to keep one another up in the air.......... an air dance high above the net. When one falters, the other must help them back to where they need to be. In ttwd, we need to trust our partners to feel safe. We know that when things go wrong, and we fall, our partners will do what is necessary to get us back on track. What usually works in most ttwd marriages is a spanking. The predictability of a spanking,  always knowing that it so magically restores our roles and our cherished connection are extremely comforting. The spanking is our safety net no matter how crazy things get. It has the power to bring us back to us which is what those of us who do ttwd love the most. It is the connection and the reset. That net is the one major tool we use that consistently works to maintain the balance. It is what gives us comfort knowing that there is a way to get through whatever it is we are feeling if we are unable to manage by ourselves or if another way is not working. It is the bottom line .......... our bottom. 

Portia continues saying that for she and Jace, she likes knowing that their life is happy and safe and will continue that way. Their commitment to one another is unwavering. Like the trapeze act, ttwd takes time and commitment to get to this place that serves us so well.

Graceful, and with the greatest of ease, the couple performs a balancing act high above the net. The net remains in place reassuring to always be there. The balancing act works well. The marriage thrives. The net is in place ready to catch us, if things are off or need adjusting.

I am not a meek wife. I am not a docile wife. I am not a wifey. I voice my opinions loud, clear and often. Usually doing that is just fine because I speak respectfully. This week I had one of those bottom line spankings........ the kind that was no fun and serious. Our net was firmly in place. Speaking disrespectful and with my voice rising and then becoming distant and not talking at all, Jack stepped in. I was spanked, twice! He chose the strap and the wooden spoon Katie had gifted me with! It was not fun and it hurt like heck. However after the spanking, our world was set back in place. We spent a long time talking about us and how we have grown and turned toward one another. Jack reestablished peace and we began again our trapeze act gracefully and way up high above the net.

Is your marriage a balancing act on the flying trapeze graceful and trusting high above the net?

Thank you, Katie and Portia, for your input and sharing.
Thank you, L.



  1. Mere,,really interesting post,,love the photos,,, : - )


  2. Fantastic post, full of real life truth. Thanks, also, for the link to Katie's post. It's interesting, this specific topic has been on my mind a lot these past several weeks, and your trapeze analogy and articulate description of the chemistry between a TTWD couple puts into words what I have been mulling over. Thank you! ~Jennifer

  3. Meredith,
    You've done it again, a wonderful analogy! This is very much my life and I wouldn't want it any other way. You are always so eloquent, I love it! Awesome pictures too.

  4. Very much enjoyed and definitely agree with the analogy Mere. If you've ever hit one of those nets, they do make your bum red and sore but keep you safe from harm. ;) Sorry you had to experience that this week but happy you two are back in the air.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

  5. Unlike many DD blogs that I have read, it seems like spanking is always the means to peace or solving a problem in your blog. You also say that discipline spankings are rare, yet fairly often there is one just like this with a strap and a wooden spoon. Does Jack use any other measure (corner time, grounding, taking away credit cards, etc.) or sitting down and each of you expressing your side of the issue? I know you are happy with your dynamic, but you seem to always be on the "tail end of it"!

  6. Thanks, Meredith. This has been a difficult week for us, too. Perhaps it is like a flu bug and is just making its way around. Loved the analogy. I just wrote to Katie, too.
    I almost fell, and the net was almost not there. Thanks to the ttwd gods for coming to the rescue. We are back up in the air together, and I can finally smile again.
    Thanks for the lovely post.


  7. Love love love the analogy. Yes, that fits us well. Trust is something I continue to work on - it just doesn't come easy for me - often causing my fall into the safety net. For us, spanking definitely is a safety net, but many times, it's just straight-forward communication - communication that engages the head and the heart. When that net breaks, well then it's OTK.

  8. Wonderful post Meredith and so well said. Love the analogy! Thank you for sharing :)


  9. LOVED the post, Meredith! :) Your analogy is a good one. The spanking is the safety net. It is oh so effective when its job is to keep things moving in that positive trajectory, that two people have vowed, or agreed to work hard at. Not easy or fun in these kinds of events, they are something that we can rely on, to bring us together so that we can communicate- vs letting stuff go that creates distance.

    I guess the other thing that I want to say here is that trust is the essential ingredient to this whole thing. Without trust, there really should not be spanking of this kind, IMHO. You are putting yourself out there, and allowing another to spank. One has to trust that they will do so with kindness and caring, love and utmost attention. For us- that trust has been cultivated over many years. So has the love- which is why I walk right up into the closet and give myself to Rob and that darn cheeseboard at times. Not fun but important for us, as we have discovered. I can always count on that kind of spanking to set us right, and we do the work to keep us there! ;) To this day, I still cannot believe that we do this, nor how really cool the results have been for us! Who would have thought it?? Great post! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

  10. Hi Meredith, I love the way you described the ttwd. The balance is so important in this trapeze act and I can only agree with what you say, if one falters, the net is there. Lovely.