The first time I received an email from Portia, I knew we would be fast and long time friends. She had a way of telling her story which really made me pause. What she described regarding her ttwd relationship with her husband Jace sounded very much like our ttwd life. We began to write one another insightful and personal emails. As we got to know one another better, we were amazed how much alike our two journeys were and how much our husbands were alike. The exchange of emails was steady and anticipatory. We looked forward to one another's emails each day. When I asked if she would like to share her ttwd story, she said yes! I told her that many of her eloquent emails were already posts all by themselves because of the way she told her story.
So I sent her a series of questions and asked her to choose the questions she liked. I wrote the questions and she did the answering. In the comment section, please give Portia a warm welcome. She just might answer your own questions. It is all yours, Portia.
Share with us how you and your husband began praciticing ttwd and what brought you to the blogs and this blog?
As long as I can remember I have always been interested in spanking, and for a long time had wanted to incorporate it somehow into our lives, but in more of a disciplinary way. Over the years, suggestions of spankings were made by me, but they never amounted to much more than a little foreplay here and there. As you know, life gets very busy and things go by the wayside. So fast forward to about two years ago. Kids are older, and we have more time for us. We began to make us more of a priority. The desire once again came to the forefront and I started "looking around" so to speak. I was completely shocked by what I found on the subject of domestic discipline and ttwd. I had no idea it even existed as a lifestyle, or that it even had a title. I always kept my husband appraised of my discoveries and shared my fascination with all of it. Then I found 'Finding Sara'. Grant and Sara's journey through Dd was interesting and I wanted the same thing or at least needed to try it. I was amazed at how it seemed to work for them for a long time. My husband did do a little reading when I sent it his way and he agreed it was something we should at least try.
Every now and then I would pop back in to reread and check the occasional blog on someone's blog list and one day I came across A New Twist After All These Years. Once I started reading, I was instantly hooked by Meredith's candor and compassion and read everything quickly and repeatedly. There was an immediate connection with the way she and Jack practiced ttwd and so similar to how we also did things.
When did you begin ttwd?
How has your marriage changed since beginning ttwd?
Our marriage has changed immensely since beginning ttwd. We are genuinely committed to each other and to making our marriage the best it can be. We are respectful, considerate, caring and far more affectionate than we were before. We play more and love a whole lot more than we ever did! We listen and we work together. What we don't do is bicker, yell, argue, or engage in power struggles any more. We agreed to a dynamic that offers us tools and resolution to our differences.
The funny thing is that if someone had told me how transforming this type of relationship would be for us, I would not have believed it even after all the reading I did. My husband and I still, after starting ttwd, lay in bed cuddling every morning and talk about the difference it has made for us and our family. It is almost unbelievable the changes we have experienced ........... not to say it has been easy because it hasn't always. It's a commitment we have made to each other and the benefits by far outweigh the work, effort and pain at times (!). We are happier than we have been in a very, very long time. We often wish that we had done this a long time ago, but I don't know if it would have worked for us any sooner. Maybe timing is everything.
It's as though ttwd brought us back to each other. It's not that it wasn't good before, but after such a long time together, we became complacent and often took each other for granted. It has made us see each other in a different light again or perhaps the same light we saw when we first started dating all those years ago. We've always had a good sex life. I've thought many times that our sex life was our glue. It was always the place we were able to communicate even when other things were out of whack. The problem for me was that at times it seemed like the only place we were communicating and it really started to bother me. Enter ttwd and as Meredith has said many times "it was sky rockets and fireworks". We were talking, listening and caring not just in the bedroom, but everywhere and every day and even the sex was better.
Share how ttwd works in your marriage.
Typically ttwd entails a weekly maintenance or reminder spanking which seems to just keep things on track for me (for the most part) and us. It's a good time to talk about goals, anything that is working or not working or needs improvement before it turns into something bigger. It reaffirms our roles. It's a real time to reconnect that I often look forward to. In between, there are often swats and warnings because they are just unavoidable at times, and other times, there is discipline-- this I try to avoid completely. We do have a small list of expectations: things I need to keep up on and do to keep things running smoothly around here. I'm usually pretty good about getting them done, but there are times we do need to review them. The thing that frequently gets me in trouble is my attitude, and at times, lack of respect and rudeness mixed in with a bit of temper. It's a sure fire route to a spanking I don't want. My husband is a very patient man, but after our years together with my disrespectful attitude and temper, it is just not tolerated. I still have difficulty reining this in although since ttwd has come into play, I am thankfully much better at it. Jace is like a first responder. At the first sign of any attitude or rudeness, he is quick with a warning or a swat to let me know if things don't change, it will turn into something much bigger.
What is the best part of Ttwd?
There are many amazing advantages of ttwd, but the best part is dealing with an issue and letting it go. There is something that just feels so good about a problem being solved and moving forward. No more holding on to negative feelings, no more long silences, no more yelling. Before ttwd, I would argue with Jace over so many things and the anger and resentment would last even weeks which created even more problems. Now with ttwd mindset, and my desire to have him lead and make things better for us, there is so much clarity. Our priorities are the same and I like being held accountable because we should be maintaining respect in our relationship. Life is good after all these years. It keeps getting better. It still shocks me -- spanking creating so much harmony. I love feeling that heat after being spanked and then making love or just making amazing love.
I absolutely LOVE that ttwd has brought us so close.
Tell about a ttwd experience which reflects the way things work in your marriage.
An example...... Wow....... this is a little scary!
We recently organized a family party which ended up being a little stressful to say the least. Anyway, one morning as we were laying in bed cuddling, we were talking about what needed to be done and Jace had clear expectations as to what our children would be doing to help out for this party. I strongly disagreed and became rather snippy. I started pointing a finger as to why things weren't getting done. My voice was raised and my stress level was mounting. At that point, Jace had had enough of my attitude and rudeness and said, "That's it. We are taking care of this right now, into the closet." Yes, we also use the closet. My eyes opened real wide and I told him it wasn't necessary. He said that he was not going to let my attitude ruin the day and we were not about to argue about this party, He told me to get into the closet NOW. Off I went to where I was paddled and reminded of how we speak to each other and deal with issues in our house. Things were quickly put back into perspective The next morning as we laid in bed cuddling, we had a long conversation about how our day was to unfold and what would happen to my bottom should I get out of control again. Sometimes the talk is incentive enough. From that point on, I was listening.
That is how it works in our marriage.
What is the most frustrating part about ttwd?
I truly feel that I've found a balance I/we can be happy with, but
I do think this balance comes with a time and, maybe, age. I don't know if we would have been able to do ttwd much earlier in our lives. The need to be fiercely independent was very strong once, but is not nearly as strong as it use to be and I'm good with it. I love that Jace loves dong things for me. It is better this way. There are times I have to remind myself of my role in all of this and there are times Jace feels the need to remind me with the help of a paddle or a wooden spoon. It all has the same outcome.
Tell us what you would like us to know about your ttwd marriage.
Thank you, Portia for sharing with us. It really is amazing what happens when a married couple decides to strengthen their marriage by using ttwd. I appreciate your telling your story. I am sure the readers will tell you what they think in their comments. I value so much our friendship and look forward someday to talking with you in person.
Let's give her a warm welcome in our comments.
Meredith and Portia