Friday, February 6, 2015

Connecting The Dots........... Calling All Readers


                                        



Did you know that I love to do algebra? I love the workings of an equation. I love the why algebra makes perfect sense. Sometimes on long airplane trips, I do algebra problems from a college workbook. I get plenty of stares and I just keep going  working my way through the problems as they become increasingly more difficult. I love solving algebraic puzzles. But there is a puzzle that I find very difficult to solve. Maybe you can help.


                                           


Recently I have received several emails from readers who decided to contact me. Several ask why does ttwd/dd work? I say that it is easy to explain, and then proceed to get all tongue tied trying to tell  strangers how this ttwd/dd works. I say to each emailer that when you actually try it, you will see how well it works. If you haven't tried it, don't knock it. 

Ttwd/dd links the heart, the brain and the bottom. Harmony is achieved, peace is restored and love is at its core. Wives melt into the arms of husbands. Implements are tucked away and there you have it. 

Okay.......... a little more slowly. Wife is upset; hubby tells her to calm down; she chooses to not settle down; he decides to spank to restore peace; spanking happens and peace is to be found. Wife melts into husband's arms and she tells him she is calm. He can tell she is calm by the way her voice is soft and thinking clear and sensible. Brain, heart, bottom are all connected here. Great loving follows and harmony is restored. Sweet wife follows her strong, loving husband. A clean slate and an opportunity to start over! 

Whenever I try to tell my version of how it all works, what I write does not sound clear and concise. I have tried many times and am perpetually frustrated. Help me out here, readers of my blog. 

What is the connection between your feelings, brain, and bottom? 
How does it work? Why are we wired this way? You try your hand at explaining it. It is not easy. Please put your explanation in the comment box and we can all think about each other's responses. 


















It is so much easier to work an algebra problem than try to explain this emotional topic. Unlike an algebra problem, feelings, love, pleasing, hoping, are all mixed in. This ttwd/dd equation gets real messy, but it works. It just does. 

Okay, now your turn to explain how ttwd/dd works at your house. Try putting "this whole thing" into words. (Thanks, Katie)





Meredith

20 comments:

  1. I think it does come down to the way we are wired, almost like being straight or gay. Spanking makes me feel cherished, protected and loved. In our case he has taken the time to show me he cares in the way I've asked him to.

    I know some women who would definitely react in the opposite way - my sister would have her husband arrested the second she could get to the phone. We're wired differently. My BIL is a psychologist. My sister has nearly forbidden him to ask me anything about TTWD. I wish he would. I feel like I could answer his questions and maybe make him more knowledgeable about the possibilities.

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  2. Ok. I'm not great with words but here are my thoughts.

    We've all heard the phrase "I'm doing this because I love you". That's kinda how it is with DD/ttwd. Our hoh does not like our behavior. Perhaps he had even warned us and we didn't change. So he does something that will get our attention and something we'll likely not forget thus impeding us from repeating the infraction. It makes us feel loved because he cares enough to stop the behavior, he cares enough to want us to be a better person.

    Another thing is it cleats the slate. The infraction has been taken care of and now it's over. No more stewing about it. No more avoiding one another. No more silent treatment. Nothing. It's over and you begin again, clean and forgiven.

    I'm not really sure how it works as a stress relief. Maybe because you are laid vulnerable and the sting brings you to the here and now? Maybe because you cry and release the pent up stress? Maybe because it reminds you that you are not in charge and hoh is there for you.? I don't exactly know. But it works.

    I don't think I can explain it in a way an outsider would understand. I can only day it works and then direct them to other bloggers that are proof. There are many of us who have written about our experiences and while each of our ttwd is different one thing remains the same. It works!

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  3. I do believe it has something to do with how we are wired, like PK said.
    I know that when I have been spanked, quick, short, or longer...I decompress. Even when I am gritting my teeth, I know I will feel better.
    My Scotsman loves spanking and it also relieves his stress.
    Sunny once said, it was like a hard massage. I think that is true. You are tensing up and someone is forcefully untying the knots in your muscles....then ahhhh...relief!
    Now let me address your algebra addiction for relaxation! Wow that is so cool! I am NOT a math person. I have to get my right brain to look left and it is difficult for me!

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  4. There is a direct line that goes from the mind to the heart. Because we are women we have a tendency to take on many tasks/hats. We think a lot, we talk to ourselves a lot. As a result this line that normally goes straight from the head to the heart begins to turn into a squiggle. The straighten out button was put on our tush. The more squiggly the line from the mind to the heart is, the more the button in our tush needs to be pushed to straighten it out. The straighter the line is the more easily the love from the heart flows to the brain. The more content we are. Super simple. ;)
    Thanks for the great post Mer, I always enjoy what you have to say.
    Alice

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  5. Oh, I also love math and physics. Both are a hobby of mine. Such a great time waster if one is needed. You can find both anywhere.

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  6. Thanks so much, Meredith. Though I'm new to ttwd, I think you do explain things well and I always look forward to your posts. Your blog has brought a lot of clarity to my husband and I. We appreciate you taking the time to help us "newbies" out!!

    My husband and I don't understand why it works, but all we know is that we love the results and that is really the most important factor!! I don't think you have to fully comprehend something to appreciate the outcome!

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  7. Meredith, I love your explanation. Brain, heart, bottom are three elements that combine to create harmony.

    I am in awe of you doing algebra for fun. I took the very minimum number of math courses to get through college. I am math challenged.

    Linda B.

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  8. OMG Meredith.. I just posted today about this very subject. I will come back and post my thought process in a few hours. What is it with this thought process anyway? As for me.. not so much the algebra fan. Can't understand why they bothered to mix the alphabet up with numbers. Only confuses things for me. Oddly, this is the exact class hubby and I met in over 40 years ago.

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    Replies
    1. Brain, heart and bottom. Every time he holds my face calmly and quietly my heart stands still. He tells me he is going to settle me down with a spanking. After a spanking and my bottom smarts as he is looking into my eyes he says I love you and I will spank again to have peace and harmony in this house.

      del

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  9. I imagine the reason it works is different for everyone. I read blogs where it's clear the couple thrive on order. Lists, priorities, calendars, extensive planning. Structure of power and decision-making naturally makes things run smoothly and so it makes sense they would gravitate toward such a dynamic.

    My life is not nearly as organized. I am constantly in a state of barely managing organized chaos and mayhem. I come from a childhood where my mother was extremely dominant to the point of emasculating my father, and she was also very high strung and prone to high anxiety and agitation. I have inherited both traits. Though for the last 18 months, as I've voluntarily handed the reigns over to my Hoh, I've noticed my anxiety levels drop to record lows. It's been a challenge for us because he is not naturally dominant, so it's very easy for me to misinterpret his tendency to be laid back and mellow as reluctance to lead. In such cases, I tend to step up and start bossing and sassing, and my anxiety levels start to rise. He will calmly tell me I'm due for an adjustment, and balance is restored without a big fuss. (Hopefully. So far I haven't been very resistent, but then he typically doesn't intervene that way when I'm at the height of agitation.)

    It's a particularly vulnerable position, physically and emotionally. I've noticed that partway through the process (as soon as my initial resistance is gone and I can lay fairly still and absorb the sting, my mind is vulnerable too. When he speaks, I feel it resonate through my whole body as I lay across his lap, and the words soak into deeper areas of my brain like a sponge. He tells me what he expects from me and I absorb it. He reminds me of the qualities I posess that he loves and appreciates and is proud of, and it fills me up and ignites a sincere desire for me to keep doing it for him. If I have disappointed him with my behavior, he tells me and I feel deeply remorseful and resolve to try extra hard not to repeat it. And what's interesting is that my resolve stems not from the fear of a painful spanking, but because the deeper areas of my brain that are the sources of real change are some how being reached. There is a switch down there that is somehow able to get flipped while being OTK. It's much more of a thorough change than simply being sorry and embarrassed about unbecoming behavior.

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  10. I imagine the reason it works is different for everyone. I read blogs where it's clear the couple thrive on order. Lists, priorities, calendars, extensive planning. Structure of power and decision-making naturally makes things run smoothly and so it makes sense they would gravitate toward such a dynamic.

    My life is not nearly as organized. I am constantly in a state of barely managing organized chaos and mayhem. I come from a childhood where my mother was extremely dominant to the point of emasculating my father, and she was also very high strung and prone to high anxiety and agitation. I have inherited both traits. Though for the last 18 months, as I've voluntarily handed the reigns over to my Hoh, I've noticed my anxiety levels drop to record lows. It's been a challenge for us because he is not naturally dominant, so it's very easy for me to misinterpret his tendency to be laid back and mellow as reluctance to lead. In such cases, I tend to step up and start bossing and sassing, and my anxiety levels start to rise. He will calmly tell me I'm due for an adjustment, and balance is restored without a big fuss. (Hopefully. So far I haven't been very resistent, but then he typically doesn't intervene that way when I'm at the height of agitation.)

    It's a particularly vulnerable position, physically and emotionally. I've noticed that partway through the process (as soon as my initial resistance is gone and I can lay fairly still and absorb the sting, my mind is vulnerable too. When he speaks, I feel it resonate through my whole body as I lay across his lap, and the words soak into deeper areas of my brain like a sponge. He tells me what he expects from me and I absorb it. He reminds me of the qualities I posess that he loves and appreciates and is proud of, and it fills me up and ignites a sincere desire for me to keep doing it for him. If I have disappointed him with my behavior, he tells me and I feel deeply remorseful and resolve to try extra hard not to repeat it. And what's interesting is that my resolve stems not from the fear of a painful spanking, but because the deeper areas of my brain that are the sources of real change are some how being reached. There is a switch down there that is somehow able to get flipped while being OTK. It's much more of a thorough change than simply being sorry and embarrassed about unbecoming behavior.

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  11. Mere,,I think you did a nice job explaining how it works


    L.

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  12. I think you explained it well!
    I by no means have this figured out either, but here's what I think. You know how doctors always say they are practicing medicine? That's because, unlike the chemistry and physics courses they took to prepare for med school, there isn't a single solution to a patient's problem. A right vs wrong answer or even a balanced equation. When you add in the human element- emotions, varying levels of treatment compliance, varying body builds and chemistries, the result isn't always predictable and they need to be flexible and willing to tweak the plan. It is as much of an art as it is a science.
    I think ttwd is a constantly moving target too. Both within one couple's dynamic and certainly among different couples. It can't be reduced to an equation; it is way more on the art end of the spectrum vs science. If you love algebra it's no wonder this puzzle frustrates the hell out of you to explain!
    All I know is that it clears the air. Like a big storm followed by sunshine and rainbows and chirping birds (well sometimes that part is a bit delayed, but you get the idea).

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  13. There is not one answer to this question, as to why it works is different for each couple, just as ttwd/DD is different for each couple. The answer can also vary at different points in their life's. If it works accept it, don't over think it. Been guilty of that lately.

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  14. Most marriages, I would say 99% of good marriage does not use DD / TTWD. Their marriage will still work and they are very much in love and Everything works for them..
    So why do some marriages have DD / TTWD to work or need it have for made Peace and harmony at home ?

    I think we have to look at it from the cultural, personality and hormonal side.

    Culturally ...
    spank someone to change negative behavior is unfortunately accepted in the United States. I can imagine that genrationen who write here, and blogs all have some experience of this from theirs childhood. It sounds to them like OK:
    (I have been told that there are schools in the US, where it is still allowed to spank children.)
    If you have this with you from childhood so it is easier to accept being punished with CP on the whole.
    In Europe, this is unthinkable.
    And .. there we find no DD / TTWD couples in general.
    Sure there may be some extre religious couples who do it because of this.
    But it is not accepted, the kids do not even know what spanking is, never heard of it, seen it and so on.
    There is no link between crime, punishment, bottom.

    Hormonal ..
    It's not spanking that makes you feel good afterwards. It is hormones that produces pain in the body, which make you fell better efter. . The same hormones ass you get when you and hubby is making love together or do exersise together.
    Plus .. your get ercktion or get wett due to blood introduction into the bottom. These physical changes, no matter whether you want to or not.they does not depend on you,

    Personality.
    .Personality.
    You need a special personality to want DD / TTWD in your marriage.
    actually .. we are all adults, so why can not we do things for our marriage and our man of love, without having to be punished? (Spanking can always be a pleasant and good masage ... I love it Sunny Girl ..)

    Why is it that we need in adulthood have still someone who says what should we do and do not do and punish us if we do what was said? As an adult you know what your bite only has impact on my family, my husband, myself. As adults we should be able rationallisera and analyze.
    I think a psychologist would give good answers.
    It may lie in childhood where we learned to never have their own opinions without always obey someone, it might lie in we felt horny when we were spanked as children and want the feeling again. It may be that we always get the CP when we did something wrong and taught us not to say sorry and forgive each other enough to achieve a clean slate ..
    It may be much more.
    Just to accept for a man and for a woman it is ok to give pain in the name of love ... Most people in the world can not make this link. For them there is not even think .. "I give you pain and makes you cry of pain and give you sore for days, because I love you."
    Someone or something has taught us these connections.
    Who? What?

    So we are all products of our cultural, hormonal and personal characteristics and impact ..

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  15. Mere, I think (as I always do) that you said it just fine. Reading thru all the responses were so helpful, too. We've been attempting TTWD for a year but I still question why I feel I need something like this at times. But, it just is what it is. I am built like this. And reading all these responses just makes me nod in agreement and remember why I want this lifestyle.

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  16. I love Alice K's squiggly and straight lines. That truly makes sense for me. Perhaps that's why I related better to geometry than to algebra.
    What a perfect equation for those of us who practice ttwd/dd. But, when you put different variables in the equation (those variables being people with different personalities, hormonal balances, etc. - right, Mona Lisa?), then the equation might not work for them.

    However, I feel that if more people knew there was the ttwd/dd option available (and I'm not really sure that FIFTY SHADES is a good informer of that kind of choice - but that's my personal opinion), then perhaps there would be more harmony and less chaos in this world.

    Meredith, thank you so much for this post. May those who seek harmony in their relationships find it. I'm just so thankful for Meredith walking me through the steps of presenting dd to my husband exactly one year ago yesterday. It has made a huge difference for us. Meredith, you are dearly loved in this community.

    SSB

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  17. I'm SO late for the party, Meredith! :) Well, you did tell me that you would give me something to think about, to keep me busy while I was at Mom's. You have been quite successful! And it has also led me to some ideas for a post or two.

    I love the discussion above! The cool thing about this whole thing is that there are as many ways to do ttwd as there are couples wanting to try it. One can ready around, and work with their partner to figure out how to go about it in the best way possible to enhance their relationship. That is great! My view, like all the ones above, is just one of many. I hope that my two cents helps a bit.

    I often, and I think others do as well, tend to think- well, it just works, why try to figure it all out. Spanking, what is it with that? Why, why why? But really I think that is just the tool. And there is a whole lot more to it all. And this whole thing led me to think and then realize that perhaps the answers are right in front of us really. So with that, my response is lengthy. Not in my usual way, but it just is. I started to "get it down/type it out" last night, and then Rob facetimed me and sent me to bed from afar. So I will finish up and then post it on my blog. It has really been a neat exercise. So... thanks Meredith! I'll let you know when I am done. Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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  18. My marriage is not really TTWD or DD, but we do incorporate spanking. For me, it releases tension or guilt. I think it lets my husband get rid of frustration when my attitude has been bad for a while. For both of us, spanking sets off endorphins for having sex. My efforts towards getting my husband to consider TTWD have made me be more submissive, respectful and responsive to him. We get along better when I carry out those behaviors.
    That explains the head and heart connections. I guess heat or pain in my rear must bring blood to the area and arouses me (even if that surprises me as it hurts too). I daydream, read books or blogs about spanking, BUT I don't want that to take over my feelings about sex. After many years together, I still respond to kissing and touching, and hope that I always will. Thanks for your thoughtful and funny posts and lovely pictures!

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  19. Hi Meredith, :) The post that you have been waiting for is now up. Well, if Blogger has been cooperative. Not too sure how helpful it will be to you, but it was for me. Thanks for the great inspiration!

    http://thiswholething.blogspot.com/2015/02/this-whole-thing.html

    It's kind of long- just a warning... More than usual. Haha!

    Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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