Friday, January 23, 2015

Ttwd Works Wonders .... And The Difference Between Men and Women

Last month, Jack and I had a wonderful little sun break. Warm sunshine, soothing water, gentle breezes and good food all made for a wonderful time. However something happened while we were enjoying ourselves. A small moment in our vacation, really. Like no other moment, this one has stuck with me for some time. I would like to hear your opinion on this matter and if you see this in your relationship.

We had come in from the pool. I had showered and was in a hotel robe. Jack and I had decided to have room service as we were staying in an all inclusive hotel and the only additional charge would be a tip for service. I do not remember what I said, but I do remember what happened. Jack barked an answer to my question and I took offense. I clammed up and became distant. I did not answer back. I went to the veranda to wait for lunch to be delivered. We ate lunch in almost silence. I answered Jack with one word answers or no answers at all. Tension was on the menu.

We had finished eating and Jack brought me to stand between his legs and began a stern lecture about knocking off the distancing immediately. Hotel robe came off and over his knee, I went. Spanked hard and fast. He brought me up to his knee and was not happy with the look on my face. Back over I went and this time he got the job done. We had some sweet aftercare and loving, but my bottom was scorched. 

We went on with our day. However, I was not myself. I was the exact opposite of distant. I was clingy and all over Jack. He accepted my clinging ways. My brain would not let go of what happened. Possibly it is because discipline spankings do not often happen here. When they do, they leave me reeling and thinking. I play back over and over what happened. I look at Jack and wonder what he is thinking. 

At breakfast the next morning, I was still processing, processing, processing about the spanking. It was as if it had just happened. I asked Jack what is was thinking. He told me he was thinking about the air conditioning in the restaurant. Really? I was still thinking about his spanking me and he is thinking about air conditioning. I asked him if he had thought about what had happened the day before. He looked puzzled. He said, "We are on vacation, Mere. What happened? "

Men and their brains and women and our processing! Jack said that the spanking restored peace, intimacy and harmony in quick order. Things between us were back on track. There was no need to think about it anymore. He had peace in his home. What's not to love? The spanking did its work. His wife was sweet and we would now move on. That was his thinking. Me? I just keep playing the whole thing over and over again.

So I need some help here. Is this the way things work for you? Your man moves forward and you are stuck with a sore bottom, and a head full of what just happened? I cannot keep from thinking about it and he has my hand in his and is facing forward, not once thinking about my time over his knee!



  1. Hi Meredith. Sorry to hear you have a scorching behind! For us the purpose of the punishments are to.... punish▶ forgive▶ move forward. Jordan is good at that:) me not so much! Like you I tend to play it over and over again and beat myself up over everything I could have should have done differently. Like not been disrespectful in the first place or not become distant even not resist the spanking. I think it is just our nature. Something to work on... learning to "Let Go".

  2. This happens to me too. I think for me, I get stuck on the fact that I really disappointed Luke and I still feel guilty. It takes me much longer to work through "I should have done this differently." I have a harder time with grasping they spank, they forgive, they move on.

    This is how I see it when it happens here. When Luke and I have a disagreement and I react in the old way--a statement pops out. Luke may now see it for the disrespectful, manipulative statement it was. He didn't take action on those in our old life. He calls me on them now. I want that, but at the same time I get frustrated with myself. I had an opportunity to do this differently. Say what I think and feel but in a more respectful way. He never expects me to swallow done my thoughts. He does expect me express myself respectfully. It takes me much longer to get over my disappointment in myself. Luke doesn't hold grudges. He didn't before, he doesn't now. In fact by giving him the okay to address it immediately and take action, he gets over it even faster.

    I don't know if you use the term submissive in your dynamic but I think what you're experiencing is that desire. You want to think it through and not let it happen on your own. But you haven't failed in any way you're just taking another step and deepening your own dynamic.

    Don't know if this will be at all helpful for you but that's my guess as to what may have happened. It's certainly something I've felt!

  3. Mere,,men and women are so different in almost every way,,men want to solve a problem and move on ,,women have to think about it first and take time with finding an answer and make sure it's right,than go over it again in her mind.


  4. Oh dear Meredith, I have no idea. We don't really have this dynamic often. After a spanking I am usually giggling even if it started out with me being in trouble. He always seems to know what I need. I don't think he would dwell on things but I do find I am more clingy on a general basis all the time now. I suppose I would mull things over before a spanking more than after. Sorry not to have been any help
    love Jan,xx

  5. Men and women are just different, and I wasn't too surprised to read he had long moved on. That is afterall, the whole point, right? Being forgiven for infractions. Like that one. And you were not distant anymore after....I sometimes have to try extra hard to be in the moment, instead of in the past, or the future, but being present, right here and now is what helps me most in those situations when they arise.


  6. I don't know if it's that men and women are different or that I'm just a little more sensitive now. I think it the past when I've been "barked" at, it's kinda just rolled off my back, but now things are different. Our relationship is different and I certainly don't like being barked at (unless there is a reason that he is addressing) when I'm being respectful. I guess I would have responded just like you did. I don't know if that's right or wrong, I just know I would have shut down for a bit too. The great thing about this dynamic is that we respect each other a lot more and snarky and barking doesn't really happen much anymore, but it definitely makes me sensitive and distant when he has done it. Hugs to you, glad you were able to have a great time on vacation. I know it's hard to let stuff like that go!


  7. Hey Mere,
    I tend to 'mull things over' a lot longer than my hubby does - that's for sure. Most of the women I know do - even my daughter.

    The thing about ttwd and spankings is that it helps clear the air asap, and restore that balance that we love so much. Even on vacation. ;)

    Maybe you just need to not beat yourself up afterwards. We ALL blow it - our hubby's deal with it (however they choose), and then all is right with the world. (at least their world) :)


  8. I definitely think we see things differently. I need resolution in a very different way than my Scotsman. He gets past things very quickly. Unless we have had some conversation and communication I find I ruminate too much on the issue or hurt.
    I'm not much help here, but I would have responded like you, I imagine!
    For us a spanking is more about a cheeky comment that he will resond to immediately. I usually am let up with a smile on my face. If it is intense it is stress relief... Or maybe fun.

  9. Yes yes yes yes and yes!! We do look at things so different. We process things differently. We see things differently. And we care about different things. We are just plain different. Yet it is such a beautiful thing I think that's why Dd works for us, bc we have to communicate about bridge the differences. :)

  10. A big resounding yes. Hubby tells me I "read" too much into the issue. Once things are done... from his perspective it is done. I am a reflector, analizer gal... ned to know the why's, wherefores of what happebed and what hubby is thinking. That has caused us issues in and of itself because I refuse to settle down and let it go which then causes me to go back over his lap for a very different discussion.Still had to laugh at the difference in response.. thinking about the hotel air conditioner really? I would have still been sorting through the issue. Anyway, sounds like a fun time was had by both of you.

  11. I don't know, but I have a different answer. I think that Jack should have been more sensitive to your feelings and should have realized that his "barking" at you just MIGHT have caused to clam up!

    He should have apologized to you for being insensitive!!

    AND I am a guy!!!!


  12. Hey Mere...Matthew and I did process a bit differently but not to the extent that you are describing. He would talk to me before the spanking as to why I was getting it, sometimes during the spanking and sometimes a bit afterwards. But once the spanking was given and we talked a bit, all was forgiven so we moved on. That's one of my favorite things about TTWD.

    Just remember...with TTWD, in addition to accepting spankings and being lead by our HoHs, communication is key and sometimes all that requires we change our thought processes. ;) Ya know, it doesn't really matter what any of us say, it sounds like you and Jack are doing just fine!

    Hugs and Blessings...

  13. If you can't communicate this to him then you better give him a spanking. Just kidding. I take time to process things but Ty is pretty good about talking to me later on about the spanking before we just move on. Maybe make your needs known. Yes men and women are very different

  14. We are two months into ttwd and have been married for 25 years. We have both really enjoyed reading your blog! My husband likes to read Jack's perspective. I have a question for you. What are good girl spankings?

  15. I think, that on this occasion, the spanking did not clear the air. So therefore, when you moved on, your mind was still on the subject matter of 'why you were getting spanked'.

    You say he 'barked a reply'. Why? Should he have? Did you bark at him?

    I think my reaction would've been exactly the same as yours and I would have gone quiet. But I certainly would not have expected to be spanked for it. I would've preferred to have talked about why he barked and how it made me feel.

    If this is still on your mind, enough to post about it, I feel you should question Jack about it. It needs resolution before any real closure can be reached; or otherwise it can happen again.


  16. I'm sorry that you went through this experience, Meredith! I agree very much that guys can get over things in a moment (or even a spanking) and us gals- perhaps we need to think and often can end up thinking a little too much...

    I do agree though that perhaps this occasion required a bit more communication. Jack barked, and if that were Rob, that would hurt my feelings- unless I started him down that path... In which case he might choose to spank too... So maybe it all needed clarification as to what the spanking was really directed at- your response to the barking or something else. That would have helped you to process in a way that would have enabled you to move forward.

    As for being clingy- I am often a bit that way after a spanking- even after the cuddling/loving. I need to come to Rob for lots of hugs and loving, with those long arms all around me, and a few kisses to go with it all. I So get that! Hope that helps a bit. Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

  17. Hi been reading your blog with interest, New to passing any comment but can I ask are you struggling with the fact that you feel there was equal blame here? That your distance was justified, but is that not a spankable offence from Jack's point and that you should have respectfully let him know you where offended with his response to your question. Having said that I doubt I would have managed that,barking back would have been what I would have done leading to same result.

    1. Please email me so we can talk privately. Email is on the blog.

    2. Hi Meredith I have been reading your blog and enjoy your views. This is the first time however, you have posted something that really bothered me. You have been married a long time, I cannot imagine that Jack would not know by now what effect his barking has on you? I react in exactly the same way when I am barked at and it is usually because my feelings are hurt. It seems as if yours were does he even know how you were feeling? How you feel now and are thinking about it all this time later? This is the type of situation that has me second guessing TTWD.

    3. Please email me and let's talk. My email is on my blog.

    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  18. Meredith will email tomorrow and yes. Anna

  19. Ah, the wonderful difference between men and women. I do exactly what you did when I get barked at...I go quiet, withdraw into myself. Then afterwards I tend to dwell on it - what happened, why did it happen, how could I have reacted differently and why didn't i? But mostly I am sitting there wondering what he's thinking about it. And usually he's already moved on LOL. Guys brains are interesting things. They seem to be so much more black and white, once something is said and done, it's over. Gotta love the differences.

  20. In our house, it seems if I am wrong it is put in a little book to bring up later, but on the other hand, H says a small "sorry" and all is forgiven forever. I'm no help on this one.