As I watch my husband prepare dinner, I notice his confidence and the way he carries himself. We are talking as we prepare dinner. I am close to tears and we talk over family drama which refuses to stay at bay barging into our peaceful home. Jack reminds me firmly that a year ago, I was spanked for becoming involved in drama that was not ours, drama that really did not involve us. That drama was encroaching at our door again. Jack quietly reminded me about how well I had handled the situation once we were under the wing of ttwd/dd. He reminds me of his motto to lean in or lean over. This was the motto we used when things got dicey and my bottom sore.
I did lean into Jack's decisions and things calmed down for us. I learned to lean into what Jack wanted and was amazed at how calm I was and how peaceful our home and how
I found this draft in my blog list of posts to be completed. This wolf at the door has been around for a long time. This situation is not going away any time soon. However what I find amazing is that I now handle it so much better. Our home is not turned into an arena for argument or debate. I have learned to rely on Jack's advice.
What a great thing this ttwd/dd is for us. I feel so protected from the outside commotion as the knocking at our door becomes louder. We discuss our responses to that wolf, what is possible and what is not. We discuss what to do and I am told what not to do. Am I listening? Do I need some help to hear his message clearly? No, I answer. I hear the way we are handling all this clearly.
The day after Christmas, I had a meltdown regarding the wolf howling at our door. He did not spank for my rant, but he almost did. Instead he laid down the law. There was to be no contact with the wolf: no emails, no texts, no phone calls, no letters and no Facebook. I nod listening and know that the paddle is right close by.
After a sleepless few nights, I knew what I needed to do. I have decided to share something more private than a spanking. My choice is really easy. One of my favorite hymns is Take It To The Lord in Prayer. I remember my sweet grandmother singing that hymn when I was a child. I decided to begin something that would become a meaningful ritual and help me deal with this ongoing situation.
I am sharing something really personal with all of you. My spiritual beliefs are just that............. mine and personal. However I thought I would share how I am finding inspiration and peace. Here is what I am doing. I make the coffee each morning. The house is quiet and dark and the coffee smells delicious. As it is brewing, I go into our living room and light a candle in the dark. I then ask for God's guidance and help in facing the wolf at our door. I read my favorite prayers and Bible verses. I find great peace in doing this and feel calmer and peaceful when I snuff out the candle.
Jack is doing his part to keep things calm. He has both promised and delivered spankings for not following his instructions about the wolf at the door.
All was going well until I mistakenly liked and commented about a photo on Facebook belonging to "the wolf". He saw that I had done what he had instructed me not to do.
He came into the bedroom where I was reading and opening the dresser. He took out the wooden paddle and the leather paddle. And I started to cry. He came over to the bed and kissed my forehead. He told me that I had not followed his wishes. He was upset with me. I told him I have forgotten what he had said. He told me that I would remember the spanking for not remembering, a spanking I would not forget. He helped me out of bed and placed me over the bed. The spanking began with the wooden paddle and it was awful. Then he brought me up and held me telling me again what he expected. Then I was back over the bed for the leather paddle. Finally it was over and I was in his arms.
Discipline spankings do not happen often around here. This spanking was not fun, but important. I am to follow what he says and the consequence for not doing so will make my bottom mighty sore. It is over and we are fine. I know what Jack wants.
The morning after the spanking, I went to the dark living room to light my candle. The paddle was beside the candle stick. That was Jack's doing. I understood the symbolism, and I struck the match to light the candle.
So I am lighting a candle each morning in prayer and Jack is paddle-ready to assist should I have difficulty in ignoring the wolf at our door. Both the Lord and my husband will help me keep the wolf at bay.