Sunday, January 4, 2015

The Candle And The Paddle

As I watch my husband prepare dinner, I notice his confidence and the way he carries himself. We are talking as we prepare dinner. I am close to tears and we talk over family drama which refuses to stay at bay barging into our peaceful home. Jack reminds me firmly that a year ago, I was spanked for becoming involved in drama that was not ours, drama that really did not involve us. That drama was encroaching at our door again. Jack quietly reminded me about how well I had handled the situation once we were under the wing of ttwd/dd. He reminds me of his motto to lean in or lean over. This was the motto we used when things got dicey and my bottom sore.

I did lean into Jack's decisions and things calmed down for us. I learned to lean into what Jack wanted and was amazed at how calm I was and how peaceful our home and how


I found this draft in my blog list of posts to be completed. This wolf at the door has been around for a long time. This situation is not going away any time soon. However what I find amazing is that I now handle it so much better. Our home is not turned into an arena for argument or debate. I have learned to rely on Jack's advice.

What a great thing this ttwd/dd is for us. I feel so protected from the outside commotion as the knocking at our door becomes louder. We discuss our responses to that wolf, what is possible and what is not. We discuss what to do and I am told what not to do. Am I listening? Do I need some help to hear his message clearly? No, I answer. I hear the way we are handling all this clearly.

The day after Christmas, I had a meltdown regarding the wolf howling at our door. He did not spank for my rant, but he almost did. Instead he laid down the law. There was to be no contact with the wolf: no emails, no texts, no phone calls, no letters and no Facebook. I nod listening and know that the paddle is right close by.

After a sleepless few nights, I knew what I needed to do. I have decided to share something more private than a spanking.  My choice is really easy. One of my favorite hymns is Take It To The Lord in Prayer. I remember my sweet grandmother singing that hymn when I was a child. I decided to begin something that would become a meaningful ritual and help me deal with this ongoing situation.

I am sharing something really personal with all of you. My spiritual beliefs are just that............. mine and personal. However I thought I would share how I am finding inspiration and peace. Here is what I am doing. I make the coffee each morning. The house is quiet and dark  and the coffee smells delicious. As it is brewing, I go into our living room and light a candle in the dark. I then ask for God's guidance and help in facing the wolf at our door. I read my favorite prayers and Bible verses. I find great peace in doing this and feel calmer and peaceful when I snuff out the candle.

Jack is doing his part to keep things calm. He has both promised and delivered spankings for not following his instructions about the wolf at the door.

All was going well until I mistakenly liked and commented about a photo on Facebook belonging to "the wolf". He saw that I had done what he had instructed me not to do.

He came into the bedroom where I was reading and opening the dresser. He took out the wooden paddle and the leather paddle. And I started to cry. He came over to the bed and kissed my forehead. He told me that I had not followed his wishes. He was upset with me. I told him I have forgotten what he had said. He told me that I would remember the spanking for not remembering, a spanking I would not forget.  He helped me out of bed and placed me over the bed. The spanking began with the wooden paddle and it was awful. Then he brought me up and held me telling me again what he expected. Then I was back over the bed for the leather paddle. Finally it was over and I was in his arms.

Discipline spankings do not happen often around here. This spanking was not fun, but important. I am to follow what he says and the consequence for not doing so will make my bottom mighty sore. It is over and we are fine. I know what Jack wants.

The morning after the spanking, I went to the dark living room to light my candle. The paddle was beside the candle stick. That was Jack's doing.  I understood the symbolism, and I struck the match to light the candle.

So I am lighting a candle each morning in prayer and Jack is paddle-ready to assist should I have difficulty in ignoring the wolf at our door. Both the Lord and my husband will help me keep the wolf at bay.



  1. Meredith,
    I hope your prayers bring you peace and keep the wolf at bay. I feel so much better when I leave my fears and concerns with One who knows all. It seems that Jack supports your prayers. I hope things settle down soon for your family.

    Linda B.

  2. What a beautiful post Mere. You and Jack are learning and growing into your roles. Just remember...whenever Jack gives you guidance, you need to really hear it and take it to heart so that you can lean in to him. Sending lots of prayers and positive energy to join your morning prayers to keep that wolf far far away!

    Hugs and Blessings...

  3. Family situations which seem unsolvable are the most fraught with disaster. If you have no resolution, then it seems to me that it might be an idea to take away the temptation ie remove the person from Facebook etc.

    Way way back before TTWD out marriage was put into severe jeopardy by this type of wolf at the door. Had we had TTWD back then, I can almost say hand on heart that Dan would be acting in exactly the same way as Jack is doing with you. But nevertheless, my bottom is in sympathy. Rarely are two implements used in this household, so I can guest the severity of the spanking. Ouch.

    Quiet time with your thoughts and a prayer or two in the mornings is a good way to start a day. In the past I have sometimes resorted to opening the Bible at random and reading a passage. It is remarkable how it seems strange at the time, but then later on you realise how the words fit the situation perfectly.

    Sending supportive thoughts and virtual arnica.

    Many hugs

  4. Hi Meredith, I'm glad you shared this and so glad you have found something that brings you some peace and helps you lean into Jack in dealing with the wolf.

    I agree with Ami, those family situations can become so fraught and perhaps removing temptation to contact is a good idea?

    Sending positive thoughts and strength.


  5. It can be so hard to ignore the wolf at the door. I know I really struggle sometimes to ignore people who do nothing but harm to us. I'm happy for you that Jack is helping you to do this tough. :D


  6. Mere,,,bless your heart,,I'm glad you have Jack to help you. Going to the Lord is always a good thing to do and I will go to Him on your behalf also. Lots of Love,,


  7. I love this....the symbolism of the candle and the paddle, what a winning combination. thanks for sharing.
    hugs abby

  8. Hi Meredith, :) Sorry that you are dealing with such family drama! That is a really tough thing! It sounds like your ritual is helping very much, and certainly helping you to keep Jack from attending further to your bottom. That is an even better thing! And I think that it was kind of him to place his reminder as he has- so he doesn't have to be that for you!

    Thanks for sharing about your hymn and candle and all. Those kind of things have to help with it all. It is nice to have that spiritual space to think things through, and gather strength to deal with tough situations. For me that is usually on an early morning run, when I sometimes listen to some contemporary or older, folky catholic songs from my youth, as the sun comes up. Just out there taking things in, tossing things around, asking for help and expressing gratitude too. More lately that is on long drives back and forth to my folks, where I listen to the same for a while sometimes. It helps! Very peaceful stuff and I hope that you continue to gain the same from what you are doing...

    I think it's very loving that Jack helps you with all this. It is very very hard to walk away from people who do not care about how they treat others, and suck you into crazy. At the same time it is most important to do so. Surround yourself with those who enrich your life instead- who want to share in your joys and are loving. You got this! Many hugs and love,

    <3 Katie

  9. Hi Meredith, I am sorry that you are having such a hard time with this. I can see Jack's point , he had warned you , can't you defriend this person or something so you can't forget again? I hope you are okay now, much sympathy
    love Jan,xx

  10. The early morning ritual sounds very calming. I can block out many situations except when my children are involved. Often my husband is thinking about it also, but I don't know that or see any actions. We have a family situation going on that we are helping with financially but I tend to want to call often and give more support. I am listening to him (so far) and following his lead to give their family space.
    I'm glad Jack didn't act on it at first, but talked and gave guidelines. Sorry it had to get to a punishment. I hope you can find some distractions. Good luck!

  11. Hey Mere,
    I love your new found way of dealing with the wolf at the door. Family drama is hard to deal with, especially when you have no control over it. But you can control how you interact with it, and Jack has come up with a way that is good for the both of you. Yes, sometimes it's hard to learn or remember the new rules, but his loving way of enforcing his new rules will make that much easier in the future.
    I really love the way you have a quiet moment with God before each day begins. Having that deep inner peace is so sweet - and will help you in your reactions to the wolf at the door. Not to mention, Jack's visual aid. :)
    Thank you so much for sharing this part of yourself Mere - it means a lot.

  12. Thank-you for sharing something so personal and meaningful to you. I hope it helps you to find peace. I always love reading the stories and journey of your relationship and the love that is clearly the guide.Hugs

  13. Hugs Meredith.
    I'm glad you've found a way to deal with these situations, I know how hard it is to stand by and feel like you're not doing anything. family dynamics are so tough and heart wrenching at times. I know you just want to help but, there is a reason Jack wants you to step back from the situation. Thank you for sharing about your faith, i know it's a private thing for most people including myself, but it is a beautiful thing.


  14. Meredith, thank you for sharing this very personal post. I think what resonates with me is that there is a very straight-forward structure at work here. And daily, it addresses every part of your being - emotional, mental, behavioral, spiritual, and relational. When we can step back and see what needs doing, then follow through, peace ensues. Slip-ups might happen, course corrections are made, and peace returns. So happy for you and Jack. You are always an inspiration.

  15. Meredith... I was extremely moved by this honest post. Family issues are some of the most difficult ones to manage. They are intensely personal, filled with emotions which all overflow and can play havoc with the peace in our relationship. Jack is a man of his word. He dies not stutter when he speaks. He means what he says and says what he means. More importantly he follows through with his actions showing he is dependable and reliable. He wants to protect you from hurt and protect the peace and harmony that has been established here. I love that you recognized the need to bring the spiritual side into helping you find peace and comfort. There is no greater source then our beliefs and Jack that together will guide you to that place of comfort. While painful literally for you, you will remember the message crystal clear as you move forward. Lean very far in Meredith.. God has given you a strong man to support, guide and protect you.

  16. What an honest post Meredith, thank you for sharing this moment and the situation.

  17. Our family never had any issues. Some members I liked more than others. Then both parents died and wills were settled easily.

    Suddenly my twin and brother who have owned a small business together for 30 years or more, went to war. Over a few thousand dollar. It was just a stupid misunderstanding that escalated to war.

    Now my other sister and myself were being pulled into the frey. Thru the will we each own a small percentage but neither of us need or want the money since we were never involved in growing the business.

    Well allegiances were decided and there was never a chance that my sister and I would side against my twin sister. So we've all severed contact with my brother. The business was settled in court. But my twin had a nervous breakdown and I will never forgive my brother.

    So brothers kids have joined forces to make us all feel guilty. Oh My God. I had to unfriend my brother and niece and nephew and learn never to mention their names with my twin or her kids.

    It's a nightmare that I tried hard to not get sucked into but to keep peace with Don, just had to stop sharing with him. He'd carry on but never spanked me for it. But I had to hold it inside which was hard.

    My poor parents are turning in their graves and I have lost a brother.

    Family, can't live with them, can't kill them.

    Thank you for a heartfelt post most of us can relate to in one way or another.

  18. Family has caused the most problems in our lives. I have removed every single aspect of them from my social media, phone, gatherings at our home. I wish that my H would be so strict as Jack to see that it is a problem. I thank you for sharing such a heartfelt and personal post.