Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Our Marriage: Then and Now

I am a big exerciser and my choice of workout is walking. I love to listen to audiobooks as I walk. I clock about five miles every day and this week, I am enjoying an old favorite again.

Do you know Ree Drummond? She has written cookbooks and children's books. She has her own TV show on the food network. Her TV show is great for viewing, but her love of butter keeps me away from using her recipes. She has written a sort of autobiography. She titles her love story
Black Heels To Tractor Wheels. She shares how she fell in love with her man and moved to a ranch in the middle of Oklahoma. She is a great author and she is the one reading her story. I actually laugh out loud as I am listening and walking. Ree was on her way to law school in Chicago. She stopped to see her parents in Oklahoma and met her cowboy and never made it any farther east. Although it is a great story, I seriously doubt there is any ttwd going on, but what goes on behind closed doors in anyone's guess. Right?

So I am out walking, listening to Ree tell her story and I think again back to our early days of marriage. As she tells her story, I think about how we started. The word obey was not in our vows and we were introduced to the wedding guests as husband and wife, not man and wife. I wanted to be a Ms. I wanted the same courtesy as the title Mr. gives a man: respect, but no association with a spouse. Really........ that was me! I was a feminist. We had an equal marriage, equal power, equal say in decisions.

Then we were in those middle years of work, baby, deployment, illness, family and life seemed to get so complicated. I was very independent. As two big deployments were faced, my independence was needed to weather the separations. Hard times mixed with good times and our equal marriage thrived.

Now early retirement was upon us and we had earned those perks. Travel and an empty nest were ours. But what about our marriage? Things felt flat, mundane, predictable and the doldrums set in. Then by accident, or luck or what have you, I discovered ttwd and a huge romantic, loving explosion happened. Our marriage really changed. We began to incorporate ttwd and a lot happened. No longer an equal marriage......... a more traditional one of loving, chemistry and magic. We both felt the rekindling of our love as it was in the beginning. I had a strong husband who loved me to be submissive. Holy cow! We have better communication, better sex and yes, there are spankings.

When Jack asked about the subject of this post, his response was predictable. He said that I have already written about this subject before. I said yes, but I cannot seem to get it down right. So I am trying again. What happens when you get to the empty nest time and things are not what you expected? Sweet Katie from This Whole Thing had suggested in a recent post side by side condos, ........... dinner together sometimes, but independent lives with that man who is your husband.  No, that is not what we ttwd wives want. So isn't ttwd the best way to sweeten the nest? 

In the big world, I want women in charge in the business and political worlds. I want to see a woman president in my life time. Women deserve equal pay and promotion. Women need the best of daycare so that they have peace of mind when they are off to work. I am all for independent women in the bigger world. I want women to be feminists and men to value their worth. Just not in my world, our world at home. I want Jack's leadership and dominance and he wants my following and submission. This man of mine relishes his role as HOH and again, I think of how things have changed for us. I am no longer independent and can actually feel the change in me from what I was.

We all know Stormy. She has stopped writing her blog, but has left it up for us to read and reread. This quote was lifted right off Stormy's blog. Those words came from her Ogre. That is the way things work at their house

What's not to love? A lot of men are missing out here. You get a sweet, respectful wife and a peaceful home. When she's not, you take care of it. She cries, says sorry and loves you anyway. It's sexy and hot and it connects you and makes you closer and more in sync with each other. 

Ttwd has so energized our marriage. I am the happiest I have ever been. So I have tried once again to explain the changes that have occurred in our marriage. I still feel tongue tied and redundant. Maybe this is because I still cannot believe how wonderful it all is ............ after all these years.

Before and After:

I first listened to this book way before we began ttwd. It was a great story. Listening a second time, oh, my! Butterflies, tummy flip flops, massive goosebumps, tingling body parts........ as I listen the second time around. I get so turned on that I jump Jack's bones the minute I get home. So check out this audiobook. The author will be surprised when her sales soar.

Thanks, L.



  1. I love her show! Watch it every Sunday morning. I'll check out her book.

    So glad you've transformed your marriage.

  2. Mere - I think you are saying it well. Just because we are submissive to our husbands, doesn't mean we leave our brains behind. We love and respect each other, we both bring our strengths to our marriages - we compliment each other, we hold each other up, and we fulfill deep needs.

    That's where I think the ideal of 50/50 falls short. There is definitely more peace when one leads and one follows - and there is definitely a sexiness to a strong man and a soft woman. It's awesome!

    I'm in as much awe as you are - seeing where we were and where we are now.

    Oh - and I love The Pioneer Woman too! I feel like I'm her friend just hanging out with her when I watch her show. She's so warm and down to earth. And it's so clear that she loves her husband. :)

  3. Mere I love it,,,your going to jump Jacks bones,,so cute,, : - )


  4. My kids have been have been watching her show. Boy does she love butter!!! I will have to seek out her book, sounds like a good read. Especially when it leads to bone jumping. ;)
    Thanks for sharing Mer.

  5. I'll check it out Mere, thanks for the suggestion.

  6. Love this post Mere! I do enjoy watching Ree's show...don't know if they incorporate TTWD but they do seem to have a bit more of a traditional marriage than many couples you see on TV. Will have to check out her book...thanks for the suggestion.

    Hugs and Blessings...

  7. Hi Meredith, what a lovely post. have no idea who you are talking about, I am not a fan of cookery shows and I don't imagine we have her here anyway. Like you ttwd has definitely improved our empty nest, long may it continue
    love Jan,xx

  8. Butter? I love butter. At least you know what you are getting. Me? I prefer the way the French cook - with butter. Ha!

    (Can you tell my mood is belligerent this morning?!)

    I have never heard of this woman but will have a look at her books. It's always good discovering new writers that you find you enjoy immensely. Thank you for bringing her to our attention over here.

    I was never much of a feminist, but have always been fiery. However, I agree wholeheartedly and my private view is that there are a lot of women out there who could do with a little TTWD!

    Empty nest? Ha! We have 'yoyo' children. They are forever popping in and out. Makes me smile. Takes me back years when I see our two sitting around the table minus other halves and offspring. Sigh.

    Five miles a day! Good grief! That would take me all day! Doesn't Jack worry that you are out like that on your own? Dan would never let me do that in a month of Sundays. Sadly our world is not what it was. I like the idea of walking and or cycling for exercise though.

    Many hugs

  9. M, I'm putting that book on my wish list right now! And as far as I'm concerned, go ahead and say it again...ttwd is a great spark! I don't think I could've handled it in our earlier years, not because I had a more powerful position then (when in fact I've found that the more powerful position I have in the world the more I need ttwd/dd in my home), but probably because I was too insecure. You and Jack just keep that flame burning! I feel the passion in your writing.
    One more thing: looking at the picture of the lady's feet standing on the man's feet, I had never noticed before that his toes are pointed upward like he's helping her, not just standing there taking the love, but he's helping to make it happen. Anyone else notice that?

    SSB (somehow I can't get the Google account to work this morning)

  10. Hi Meredith,
    I think the living like roommates thing is so prevalent. It makes me really sad to see. Way to go for finding a different way together!

    I really feel like this whole idea that everyone is the same is what kills the passion and excitement in a relationship. The English language almost needs another word that reflects the idea of equal worth, but not the same. In our journey, we've also seen first-hand how embracing our unique gifts and roles really does reignite that spark and strengthen that bond. It isn't always easy or convenient or fun, but it is sooo much better than indifference!

  11. Love this post Meredith, beautifully said :)


  12. Oh, I love Pioneer Woman! And I love this post. As always your love for Jack, your peace and joy with where you are in life, and your honesty bring me such warmth and happiness. I always get my own feeling of joy when I read your posts. This is what I aspire to have.