Saturday, January 10, 2015

Every Wife Needs To Read This Post




This whole post is brought to you by the wonderful world of interrupting and reading incoming messages while husband is talking.  I need no practice at interrupting. I do it well and quite naturally all the time. I am very good at it. I am a real pro at forging right ahead into a conversation already in progress.

I am always, continually, forever and perpetually working on not interrupting. As Jack's wife,  I am the one doing the work because I am the one interrupting. I want my point heard. I have a much better way. My way is the best way. I am needing to tell my side of the story. You get the idea.

So we were in the car in a parking lot. We were in the middle of a whole string of errands. Jack was using the car phone system to make a phone call. The person on the other end answered and I jumped right in and took over. Jack got very quiet. Next phone call I did it again and Jack told the person on the other end of the phone that he would call back as there was something he needed to take care of first. ME!

He had on his sunglasses so I could not see his eyes, but I felt the spank to my thigh and his hand firmly on my knee. He asked if I needed an RA. He thought I did. I oh so quickly apologized. He told me to settle down. He would be taking care of these phone calls. So hard for me to do. I jump right in and take charge. Then I remember my role and find it is too late.

We continue with the errands and Jack is talking to me as he drives. I am reading a text on my phone. His big hand went across my phone screen and he lifted the phone out of my hand. Yikes! Again, rude behavior on my part. We were headed for trouble. It was right down the Hoh road.



When we arrived home, we talked in a kind of silent way that all wives understand. His hand on my  bottom.......... He asks if I understand that disrespect of any kind is not appreciated. I say a humble yes.




On this subject, I am a work in progress. Jack says I need to do much better or he will resort to the tried and true method of stopping the interrupting and the not listening. I am seriously working on this and need your help. How do you keep from interrupting?  What do you do about the phone situation? What are your secrets? Share with me and the rest of us.












Unless I can control my bad habits of interrupting and reading incoming messages on my phone while my husband is talking to me, Jack has promised me a very warmed backside. That is not what I want. Tell me what you do to prevent the inevitable. Listening and not interrupting do go hand and hand. Let me know. 



Thanks, L.

Meredith

19 comments:

  1. Hey Meredith,
    We have a no phone in the car rule, and the reason it's a rule is because I was always on it. He felt neglected and like the phone was a distraction. I don't really miss using it much now, and we have much better conversations. As far as not interrupting, with the help of "swats" that has gotten better, but it's definitely still a work in progress :) Paying attention is a sign of respect, and I need to continually remember that. Good luck with your goals, I know you can do it!

    Hugs

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  2. Mere,,I know you can do ,just stick with it. You have come so far,, : - )

    L.

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  3. Hey Mere,
    I think this is something that we ALL have to work on from time to time. As for me, I would always finish my hubby's sentences or jump three steps ahead of him only to find out I was on the wrong path with where he was going and frustrating the snot out of him.
    So what I started doing was biting my lip when I find myself taking that deep breath as if to speak. I make myself pause to let him finish - even if he's paused, I let him complete his own thought. Seriously, I just chomp down on my lips and exhale through my nose - and wow. What a difference.
    When he's speaking to someone else, I will now just touch him on the hand or make eye contact to let him know I have a thought to interject, and then he will invite me to speak when he's finished with what he's saying. It's gotten easier with practice - and we do talk about it when we are alone - if there are better ways for me to let him know I have a thought on what he's saying. His input is helpful - and he feels respected when I ask him those things as well. :)
    hugs,
    Cali

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  4. When you discover how this is done, perhaps you can let me know .... I will pass the information on to my husband, he is the terror with these things in our relationship!

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  5. OMG you are me! Sometimes I will catch myself before I say too much. But even texting and looking straight at him, like he has my total attention isn't working anymore. But I know his stories and he likes to drag out the story and make the punch line so much better. I get like so "just spit it out" and blurt out the rest of the story. Boy do I get the look. What is weird is that I have never been spanked for it even though we have talked about this behavior and I have promised to stop but I am still working on it. I feel for you

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  6. And at our house Nick is the one who interrupts - what should I do?

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  7. I'm afraid I can't help at all, I'm the same as you.

    Rey is a talker and can drag thing a conversation out so long that I'm about to pull out my hair, so I interrupt and finish or answer the questions he is trying to ask. Shame on me.

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  8. Being interrupted is a major peeve of mine so that's not really an issue I have to worry about getting in trouble over. I can't say the same thing about multi-tasking. Steve has fussed at me more than once about not paying attention while he's talking. I have to make a conscious effort to put down my phone or look away from the computer.

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  9. Oh gosh Meredith. You are not alone with this issue. I struggle so much to be heard and have my side of the story known.Sadly, this stems frommy childhood where children were raised to be seen and not heard. I was never given the opportunity to have a voice and darn it all... I am a grown woman and will be heard right? Wrong. If you were to ask husband he too, would say this is his pet peeve. Interupting because he is taking too long and I am afraid I won't be heard. The manner in which we do this is the issue. Do we embarrass them, anger them, frustrate them or what? I think you nailed it with simply waiting for your time and being respectful. Now if you have lived your whole life having this issue, believe me this will not be a quick or easy fix... unless Jack has his way and we both know what that means right? I also hadn't thought about it until now, I don't have problems with phone use, but I do often work or read on my Ipad while he is talking. And... most of the time never even acknowlege he has spoken. How would I feel if he did the same I have to ask myself. This was a great post Meredith. I actually laughed out loud. Not because it is ok, but because I recognized the behavior. Maybe any one of us that struggles with this issue can support one another as we work to resolve this issue. There are no easy solutions but recognizing it is a problem is the first step to resolving it.

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  10. Sorry Meredith, no advice for you as None of this applies in this house. We neither of us are interested in the mobile thing and although I talk more than him, I think we don't interrupt each other really. At least not enough for this to be an issue. Good luck with it all. I do wonder one thing. Are those mobile phone messages that important that you have to be attached to it like a teenager? Really?
    love Jan,xx

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  11. Hi Meredith, this is something I need to work on as well. I think it takes a concerted effort and focus not to interrupt, at least for me.

    Hugs
    Roz

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  12. Hi Mere, I wish I could give advice on this but it's a 50/50 thing on this. Sometimes it's me interrupting, which is something I am trying to work on. But then, sometimes I feel like I'm interrupting because I'm always being talked over by either my husband or my kids. So, I frequently feel like I'm trying to jump into somebody else's dialogue because I never get the chance to have my input. Highly annoying. Unfortunately, when I finally got my chance to talk today, hubby gave me 3 seconds of talking and then started talking over me. I loudly said, "Wait a second and let me finish!" The look I got made my knees wobble a bit. An immediate apology ensued, LOL. I hope you figure this one out...in the meantime, good luck!

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  13. Golly, are we twins?

    It's like putting your hoof in your mouth. I get such black looks and glares before I suddenly realise they are final warnings.

    When you have figured out how not to do it, please let me know. Meanwhile I interrupt, get told off, get huffy, get snarky, get spanked. Easy peasy.

    Hugs
    Ami

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  14. Interrupting is something we all have to work on from time to time. I know being shy I sometimes have a tendency to interrupt because I am afraid otherwise I will not not have the opportunity to share my voice as often that has been my experience, it's like I the words form in my head and I am waiting for the right moment to speak but then the moment never arrives or the words just pour out. Immediately I apologize for interrupting and I encourage the person to continue. So I think just noticing and being aware is a good beginning because then you can be more mindful. With the phone it is not an issue for me, as I keep my phone in the car for emergency only and I do not text. I do not answer my home phone if I have company - I let the machine pick it up and call later...same with call waiting... The fact that you care and want to make the change to be more respectful means to me that you will. Like everything, we keep keep working at it... :-) Hugs

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  15. You did give me a big laugh. I am best friends and help my former partner since he has become handicapped. For 15 years, our biggest issue was me interrupting him. He was my Master and that was a major rule. Be respectful. No interrupting. I was taken to task on this issue time after time after time. Sometimes pretty severely. Mike would say maybe if you have trouble sitting you'll remember why. Oyyy but I'm from New York we just talk when the other person takes a breathe usually. And I'm a slow learner.

    One day, my girlfriend interrupted him and Mike just shut up. Didn't say anything and never finished his thought and I realized how rude my friend was being. After that, I became conscious of people interrupting Mike and I wanted to yell at them, quiet, Sir was speaking. He'd just stop talking.

    Strange but I became much more aware of my own actions after that. And tried to control the interruptions.

    These days, I still see Mike a couple of times a week to help him with errands and chores and it's rare that I ever interrupt. I do admit in the phone with him, I am more liable to interrupt and these days he says "I am going to finish my thought". And I shut up. Being handicapped and not my Master or even partner anymore, has not slowed that man down as far as his disgust when interrupted.

    The whole phone thing is rarely an issue with Don. He says put it in the bedroom now!!! If it bothers him. Wouldn't even think of using it in the car. Ackkkk. He'd probably grab my new iPhone 6 plus, that I cherish like one of my grandkids and throw it out the car window, lol. Don't want to take that chance. 😃

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  16. M, this is such a great post! We both read it and re-read it.

    I had to really think about this one because it's an issue that I've made rather (surprisingly) rapid progress on, and I wasn't sure right away what the "secret" to listening was for me. This is what I came up with and I'm not totally sure why this works - but when I put my hands together on my lap, my attention goes straight to what he's saying and my mouth stays closed. Somehow, just that simple act calms me down and I am "all ears." When I'm not feeling calm, that's when I interrupt - even if it's a mental interruption, where I interrupt him in my mind by thinking harder about what I want to say or my opinion of what he's saying than actively listening to what he's actually saying, and my hands are flying all around. Just this week, we started working specifically on eye contact when we communicate, especially when it's about the important stuff of "us".

    I seem to have two good listening positions: with my hands folded in my lap, looking in his eyes, or with my eyes pointing straight down at the carpet - and I think we all know what position I'm in at that point. To quote another blogger, "Dang!"

    M, thank you for continuing to share your journey with us, and inspiring us to keep first things first in our own relationships.

    SSB

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  17. I have no answer on this one because it is the opposite at my house. H is glued to his phone.. er TWO phones. One is work and one only has four numbers in it and no one but me and 3 of the kids have the number. If it's not work, it's FB or a game.

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  18. This male is guilty of just that and the woman I married, a few years older, took only so much. She took the phone, and I quickly got another, thought I got away with it. She waited until one Saturday morning stepping out of the shower, showed me the phone and then showed me never too old to be spanked.

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