My blogging assistant once again has collected a fine group of photos. I share them with you. Thank you, L, , for all the hunting and gathering you do. I really appreciate all that you do. Many readers
write to me and often in their emails, there are remarks about the wonderful photos. Thank you, again.
Last month, Jack and I had a wonderful little sun break. Warm sunshine, soothing water, gentle breezes and good food all made for a wonderful time. However something happened while we were enjoying ourselves. A small moment in our vacation, really. Like no other moment, this one has stuck with me for some time. I would like to hear your opinion on this matter and if you see this in your relationship.
We had come in from the pool. I had showered and was in a hotel robe. Jack and I had decided to have room service as we were staying in an all inclusive hotel and the only additional charge would be a tip for service. I do not remember what I said, but I do remember what happened. Jack barked an answer to my question and I took offense. I clammed up and became distant. I did not answer back. I went to the veranda to wait for lunch to be delivered. We ate lunch in almost silence. I answered Jack with one word answers or no answers at all. Tension was on the menu.
We had finished eating and Jack brought me to stand between his legs and began a stern lecture about knocking off the distancing immediately. Hotel robe came off and over his knee, I went. Spanked hard and fast. He brought me up to his knee and was not happy with the look on my face. Back over I went and this time he got the job done. We had some sweet aftercare and loving, but my bottom was scorched.
We went on with our day. However, I was not myself. I was the exact opposite of distant. I was clingy and all over Jack. He accepted my clinging ways. My brain would not let go of what happened. Possibly it is because discipline spankings do not often happen here. When they do, they leave me reeling and thinking. I play back over and over what happened. I look at Jack and wonder what he is thinking.
At breakfast the next morning, I was still processing, processing, processing about the spanking. It was as if it had just happened. I asked Jack what is was thinking. He told me he was thinking about the air conditioning in the restaurant. Really? I was still thinking about his spanking me and he is thinking about air conditioning. I asked him if he had thought about what had happened the day before. He looked puzzled. He said, "We are on vacation, Mere. What happened? "
Men and their brains and women and our processing! Jack said that the spanking restored peace, intimacy and harmony in quick order. Things between us were back on track. There was no need to think about it anymore. He had peace in his home. What's not to love? The spanking did its work. His wife was sweet and we would now move on. That was his thinking. Me? I just keep playing the whole thing over and over again.
So I need some help here. Is this the way things work for you? Your man moves forward and you are stuck with a sore bottom, and a head full of what just happened? I cannot keep from thinking about it and he has my hand in his and is facing forward, not once thinking about my time over his knee!
I am a big exerciser and my choice of workout is walking. I love to listen to audiobooks as I walk. I clock about five miles every day and this week, I am enjoying an old favorite again.
Do you know Ree Drummond? She has written cookbooks and children's books. She has her own TV show on the food network. Her TV show is great for viewing, but her love of butter keeps me away from using her recipes. She has written a sort of autobiography. She titles her love story Black Heels To Tractor Wheels. She shares how she fell in love with her man and moved to a ranch in the middle of Oklahoma. She is a great author and she is the one reading her story. I actually laugh out loud as I am listening and walking. Ree was on her way to law school in Chicago. She stopped to see her parents in Oklahoma and met her cowboy and never made it any farther east. Although it is a great story, I seriously doubt there is any ttwd going on, but what goes on behind closed doors in anyone's guess. Right?
So I am out walking, listening to Ree tell her story and I think again back to our early days of marriage. As she tells her story, I think about how we started. The word obey was not in our vows and we were introduced to the wedding guests as husband and wife, not man and wife. I wanted to be a Ms. I wanted the same courtesy as the title Mr. gives a man: respect, but no association with a spouse. Really........ that was me! I was a feminist. We had an equal marriage, equal power, equal say in decisions.
Then we were in those middle years of work, baby, deployment, illness, family and life seemed to get so complicated. I was very independent. As two big deployments were faced, my independence was needed to weather the separations. Hard times mixed with good times and our equal marriage thrived.
Now early retirement was upon us and we had earned those perks. Travel and an empty nest were ours. But what about our marriage? Things felt flat, mundane, predictable and the doldrums set in. Then by accident, or luck or what have you, I discovered ttwd and a huge romantic, loving explosion happened. Our marriage really changed. We began to incorporate ttwd and a lot happened. No longer an equal marriage......... a more traditional one of loving, chemistry and magic. We both felt the rekindling of our love as it was in the beginning. I had a strong husband who loved me to be submissive. Holy cow! We have better communication, better sex and yes, there are spankings.
When Jack asked about the subject of this post, his response was predictable. He said that I have already written about this subject before. I said yes, but I cannot seem to get it down right. So I am trying again. What happens when you get to the empty nest time and things are not what you expected? Sweet Katie from This Whole Thing had suggested in a recent post side by side condos, ........... dinner together sometimes, but independent lives with that man who is your husband. No, that is not what we ttwd wives want. So isn't ttwd the best way to sweeten the nest?
In the big world, I want women in charge in the business and political worlds. I want to see a woman president in my life time. Women deserve equal pay and promotion. Women need the best of daycare so that they have peace of mind when they are off to work. I am all for independent women in the bigger world. I want women to be feminists and men to value their worth. Just not in my world, our world at home. I want Jack's leadership and dominance and he wants my following and submission. This man of mine relishes his role as HOH and again, I think of how things have changed for us. I am no longer independent and can actually feel the change in me from what I was.
We all know Stormy. She has stopped writing her blog, but has left it up for us to read and reread. This quote was lifted right off Stormy's blog. Those words came from her Ogre. That is the way things work at their house
What's not to love? A lot of men are missing out here. You get a sweet, respectful wife and a peaceful home. When she's not, you take care of it. She cries, says sorry and loves you anyway. It's sexy and hot and it connects you and makes you closer and more in sync with each other.
Ttwd has so energized our marriage. I am the happiest I have ever been. So I have tried once again to explain the changes that have occurred in our marriage. I still feel tongue tied and redundant. Maybe this is because I still cannot believe how wonderful it all is ............ after all these years.
Before and After:
I first listened to this book way before we began ttwd. It was a great story. Listening a second time, oh, my! Butterflies, tummy flip flops, massive goosebumps, tingling body parts........ as I listen the second time around. I get so turned on that I jump Jack's bones the minute I get home. So check out this audiobook. The author will be surprised when her sales soar.
This whole post is brought to you by the wonderful world of interrupting and reading incoming messages while husband is talking. I need no practice at interrupting. I do it well and quite naturally all the time. I am very good at it. I am a real pro at forging right ahead into a conversation already in progress.
I am always, continually, forever and perpetually working on not interrupting. As Jack's wife, I am the one doing the work because I am the one interrupting. I want my point heard. I have a much better way. My way is the best way. I am needing to tell my side of the story. You get the idea.
So we were in the car in a parking lot. We were in the middle of a whole string of errands. Jack was using the car phone system to make a phone call. The person on the other end answered and I jumped right in and took over. Jack got very quiet. Next phone call I did it again and Jack told the person on the other end of the phone that he would call back as there was something he needed to take care of first. ME!
He had on his sunglasses so I could not see his eyes, but I felt the spank to my thigh and his hand firmly on my knee. He asked if I needed an RA. He thought I did. I oh so quickly apologized. He told me to settle down. He would be taking care of these phone calls. So hard for me to do. I jump right in and take charge. Then I remember my role and find it is too late.
We continue with the errands and Jack is talking to me as he drives. I am reading a text on my phone. His big hand went across my phone screen and he lifted the phone out of my hand. Yikes! Again, rude behavior on my part. We were headed for trouble. It was right down the Hoh road.
When we arrived home, we talked in a kind of silent way that all wives understand. His hand on my bottom.......... He asks if I understand that disrespect of any kind is not appreciated. I say a humble yes.
On this subject, I am a work in progress. Jack says I need to do much better or he will resort to the tried and true method of stopping the interrupting and the not listening. I am seriously working on this and need your help. How do you keep from interrupting? What do you do about the phone situation? What are your secrets? Share with me and the rest of us.
Unless I can control my bad habits of interrupting and reading incoming messages on my phone while my husband is talking to me, Jack has promised me a very warmed backside. That is not what I want. Tell me what you do to prevent the inevitable. Listening and not interrupting do go hand and hand. Let me know.
"These men on TV have no backbones", said Jack as we watched TV on evening. No man should let his wife get away with walking away during a discussion. I silently and inwardly rolled my eyes at this episode of Blue Bloods. Again and again, Jack talked right over the dialogue complaining that these male leads are all wimps. He continues as I turn to stare at my man. "Where are the men like Jamie Fraser?", Jack wants to know. Now I am no longer watching the program, but am enjoying being entertained by Jack. He is on a roll. "Lass", he says to me, "these TV women need stronger men."
We do love Netflix! House of Cards, Last Tango in Halifax, Foyle's War and The Killing are all shows we have really enjoyed. Where are the men with backbones? Jack wants to know. I say little, but am beginning to make cheeky remarks as Jack continues his rant. He pulls me over and holds me tight saying your man has backbone.
We watch our favorite pro football team and he never mentions backbone or wimpy men.
We were walking this bright, sunny, but cold morning. Out of the blue, he started in on men, television, backbones and the need to see more strong male leads. I told him that I did not have paper and pencil to make notes, but I could just record his monologue on my phone. Talk about backbone. Those eyebrows shot up and no recording was made.
He says that in the workplace and on the athletic field, he is all for Title Nine and equal pay for women. He led both men and women in the military and praised both. His boss was often a woman. He says television needs to show stronger men taking charge. I pointed out that those were the kind of men we grew up watching. He said exactly. Round and round we went.
On these nights when we banter about the shows we are watching, the program itself is ignored and we are sparing about this and that until Jack turns the TV off and we have more fun under the covers upstairs. He tells his wife that he has backbone and there is no arguing from me.
Like most of you, we watch more TV in the winter when the weather keeps us in. Ttwd is such a part of our lives. Jack wants to see more of it on television.
Do you have these sorts of discussions at your house? How do the men of TV appear to you?
As I watch my husband prepare dinner, I notice his confidence and the way he carries himself. We are talking as we prepare dinner. I am close to tears and we talk over family drama which refuses to stay at bay barging into our peaceful home. Jack reminds me firmly that a year ago, I was spanked for becoming involved in drama that was not ours, drama that really did not involve us. That drama was encroaching at our door again. Jack quietly reminded me about how well I had handled the situation once we were under the wing of ttwd/dd. He reminds me of his motto to lean in or lean over. This was the motto we used when things got dicey and my bottom sore. I did lean into Jack's decisions and things calmed down for us. I learned to lean into what Jack wanted and was amazed at how calm I was and how peaceful our home and how
I found this draft in my blog list of posts to be completed. This wolf at the door has been around for a long time. This situation is not going away any time soon. However what I find amazing is that I now handle it so much better. Our home is not turned into an arena for argument or debate. I have learned to rely on Jack's advice.
What a great thing this ttwd/dd is for us. I feel so protected from the outside commotion as the knocking at our door becomes louder. We discuss our responses to that wolf, what is possible and what is not. We discuss what to do and I am told what not to do. Am I listening? Do I need some help to hear his message clearly? No, I answer. I hear the way we are handling all this clearly.
The day after Christmas, I had a meltdown regarding the wolf howling at our door. He did not spank for my rant, but he almost did. Instead he laid down the law. There was to be no contact with the wolf: no emails, no texts, no phone calls, no letters and no Facebook. I nod listening and know that the paddle is right close by.
After a sleepless few nights, I knew what I needed to do. I have decided to share something more private than a spanking. My choice is really easy. One of my favorite hymns is Take It To The Lord in Prayer. I remember my sweet grandmother singing that hymn when I was a child. I decided to begin something that would become a meaningful ritual and help me deal with this ongoing situation.
I am sharing something really personal with all of you. My spiritual beliefs are just that............. mine and personal. However I thought I would share how I am finding inspiration and peace. Here is what I am doing. I make the coffee each morning. The house is quiet and dark and the coffee smells delicious. As it is brewing, I go into our living room and light a candle in the dark. I then ask for God's guidance and help in facing the wolf at our door. I read my favorite prayers and Bible verses. I find great peace in doing this and feel calmer and peaceful when I snuff out the candle.
Jack is doing his part to keep things calm. He has both promised and delivered spankings for not following his instructions about the wolf at the door.
All was going well until I mistakenly liked and commented about a photo on Facebook belonging to "the wolf". He saw that I had done what he had instructed me not to do.
He came into the bedroom where I was reading and opening the dresser. He took out the wooden paddle and the leather paddle. And I started to cry. He came over to the bed and kissed my forehead. He told me that I had not followed his wishes. He was upset with me. I told him I have forgotten what he had said. He told me that I would remember the spanking for not remembering, a spanking I would not forget. He helped me out of bed and placed me over the bed. The spanking began with the wooden paddle and it was awful. Then he brought me up and held me telling me again what he expected. Then I was back over the bed for the leather paddle. Finally it was over and I was in his arms.
Discipline spankings do not happen often around here. This spanking was not fun, but important. I am to follow what he says and the consequence for not doing so will make my bottom mighty sore. It is over and we are fine. I know what Jack wants.
The morning after the spanking, I went to the dark living room to light my candle. The paddle was beside the candle stick. That was Jack's doing. I understood the symbolism, and I struck the match to light the candle.
So I am lighting a candle each morning in prayer and Jack is paddle-ready to assist should I have difficulty in ignoring the wolf at our door. Both the Lord and my husband will help me keep the wolf at bay.
May 2015 be your best year! I am a believer that each year does get better and I keep that outlook always. I always try to play life forward. I expect the bumps, twists and turns. I do think things turn out for the best and that we are exactly where we are suppose to be. I am grateful and thankful. I try everyday to lean in and cherish what we have. I truly believe that the best is yet to come.