Sunday, December 28, 2014

Ratios, Percents, Proportions And Perceptions.............. Oh, My

On this last Saturday of the year, I opened up a big can of worms. Why I did this, I have no idea. So I am asking your help and am taking a little survey to help see things more clearly.

Jack and I were on a short drive to our favorite bakery to buy some delicious bread for our turkey sandwiches. Today is the first day in almost a week that we have no friends or family coming over. We have the whole day to ourselves. The sun was peeking through the clouds and we could see the water and the sailboats. I said I have been doing some thinking about our relationship based on what others had written on their blogs. Hoh/wife ratio comparisons.............. lots of bloggers have stated percents in declaring who holds the reins, who has the power in decision making. You get the idea.

So Jack asks me the question. What is the percent ratio of our relationship. I do not hesitate saying ours is 51-49%. Eyebrows shot up and a firm hand was on my knee immediately. Jack said that he thought not. He was not a wishy-washy Hoh. He has the authority and the ability to back things up. Yikes! I was a little uncomfortable. I asked the percentage he thought represented our relationship. Without hesitation, he said that ours was 60-40%. My eyes must have bugged out a bit. The hand tightened on my knee and he asked if I needed an RA spanking once we were home to illustrate just where we stood. I smiled and said that we could discuss this at home. He said the discussion, if necessary, would be otk.

So all this made me do some serious thinking. Why hadn't we spoken of this before? We had each thought our percentage ratio was what was in place. Then I found his perception was not mine and his perception of us was the one we use. No wonder I find myself in hot water. I have the percentages wrong. There seems no room for changing those numbers either. I am still just a little bit surprised to actually put the numbers on all this.

So I am asking your input here, readers. In the comment section, share your relationship percentage ratios of both you and your Hoh. This should be revealing to say the least. I just can't believe I never asked Jack this piece of important information. Now that I have it straight from my Hoh, I need to do some thinking and get back to you. So let's do some sharing.

So what percentage is your relationship?  Ours is 60% - 40%. I need a little more time to soak in these numbers and come to terms with how they add up. 



  1. I'd say Don has 75% of the power in the house although lately I've been pushing a bit and he hasn't pushed back so maybe I'm up to 35%????

    Not sure it matters that much. I do what I'm told most of the time and get extraordinary pleasure in serving and keeping him happy. But I did say that if we watch some crazy scary movie Badakook or something like that on demand, I reserve the option to leave the room if it's too scary. He said No you won't and I said Yes I will. You're not the boss of me and he gave me that look with the slanted eyebrows that I knew mmm probably just went too far. Then he gave me this scary laugh. But I knew he was way too comfortable snuggled under a blanket on the couch to move, lol. We're watching the movie today :-(

  2. We both give in to each other and numbers are not a factor.

  3. Very good question Meredith. In years past, I would have promptly responded 50-50, you know the whole women's lib thing from years ago. Now... I would have said... 51-49 not really thinking it through. My thought being he now has the final say right? So... I just asked this question to him, telling him what I thought. Eyebrows went up. I asked what he thought, he said he would "discuss" this later. Guess I will learn later what he really thinks.

  4. It is 99 - 1 (in her favor) in everything except spanking....then the roles are dramatically reversed.

  5. I don't know if you can put a percentage on it but in a D/s relationship, the submissive usually submits and obeys and follows the Dom's lead.


  6. Hey Mere...never really thought of percentages. In both of my DD relationships, we had equal opportunity to voice our opinions but the final decision was never mine. LOL So what kind of percentages are those? Seriously...what difference does it make as long as whatever your percentages are, it works for you and Jack. ;)

    Hugs and Blessings...

  7. Hi Meredith, I'm with Cat, I hadn't really thought about percentages, but I would have assumed 49/51. I'm not sure it really matters either, provided it works for you.


  8. Meredith,
    My first inclination was to say 49/51, but that didn't seem entirely accurate either. So I thought that perhaps we really weigh in at 50/50, i.e. our viewpoints are equally valid, but the final decision is 100/0 K's being the 100%.
    So I asked K your question, and he looked a bit puzzled. Then he said he thought maybe 55/45. I'm not sure he was all that convinced of his own answer. I then shared with him my thoughts on the 50/50 and 100/0, and he said that completely made sense to him for our relationship.
    Great question - especially when it becomes a discussion starter.
    Happy New Year to you and Jack!

  9. Well, thank you dear friend! You opened that can of worms for me too!

    I blithely hung around the doorway where Dan was finishing a 'work' document and told him about your post. I also happily told him that I thought our percentages were 51/49 in his favour.

    No way! Good grief, I can see this may have a certain 'impact' at a future date!

    Not only did he agree with Jack, but thought the odds in his favour were even higher. He then ranted at me for joining him in the lounge in the evenings after finishing on the computer (or whatever) and stealing the TV controller away from him and changing the channel without regard to what he was watching!

    So we have had QUITE a discussion. Next time you do a survey like this I am keeping very quiet indeed. LOL!


  10. This is a great post Meredith!!! The conversation in our home is pretty interesting. My thoughts on our percentages are this. While I desire and believe it should be 100%/0% with me having the least as I do not wish to have the weight of all the worries of our home on my shoulders. I would love nothing more than to have my husband completely take all the authority and take control. Of course this is what I say and not necessarily what I practice. In all honesty, I think it is more like 80%/20% with me having the least. There are somethings that I just can not let go of, I do better at or comes more easily to me as well as a few things that directly involve me and only me. When I asked hubs he said he thought it was more like 40%/60% with me having the most here. I did mention that I thought he may not realize how much authority I give him in our home and asked him to pay attention to what is done, how it is done and with what intentions. So I then asked him what he would like it to be, his response was 50%/50%. I was rather surprised by this. After some thought though I think we now need to have a chat about how we define authority. I suspicion our definitions are not the same.
    I do feel I have an equal voice in my home, I do not feel nor want the final decisions to be mine though. That is where I believe the authority comes in. I have the authority to enforce my husbands wishes. I have the authority to enforce or implement my wished, as long as I have my husbands approval.
    So we are still chatting about this but so far this is how I see it.
    Alice K.

  11. Meredith, I have been thinking about this since you posted. I have concluded that we are likely 51% him - 49% me. He does listen to my input but I think he has always had the final say. He will change his mind based on my input but that does not happen often.

    Great thought provoking question.

    Linda B.