I have a pretty camisole and tap pants just like these and when I wear them, my bottom is no more safe than hers. Jack spanks and then moves on to other things that come to his mind!
Have you read Katie's post over at This Whole Thing? She and her Rob are handling many things right now. Listening and respect seem to be two of those things that keep coming up in their relationship. I will wait while you read it and we will continue when you come back. It seems we both have the same problem. Listening actively is what each of our Hohs want. We are doing many things that are anything but listening. Here is what happens here.
When Jack and I talk about the ways for me to practice my submission, he puts listening right at the top of his list and he thinks it should be right at the top of mine as well. He wants me looking at him when he is speaking. He wants no interruptions at all and I find that very hard to do. When he is speaking to me, he does not want me using my phone or laptop. He calls it extreme disrespect to use those things when he is talking. Have I interrupted, daydreamed while he is talking, focused on everything but what he is saying, read texts while he is speaking, continued on my laptop when he wants my full attention?................... Of course I have done those things and when I have done those things more than a couple of times, he spanks. We do not have written rules. Our ttwd centers really on attitude and respect. When he feels that a "course correction" on these matters are due, no cute camisole will save my bottom. No way!
I had a terrible habit of walking away from Jack before we began ttwd/dd. I walked away many times. Maybe the walking away was only in my head, but I wasn't listening or paying any attention to Jack............... in airports, at Target, at family gatherings, in grocery stores, in the car and here at home. Jack did not like it and we did not know how to turn around that behavior. Enter ttwd/dd and there was a way! Boy howdy! Right after we began, Jack focused on extinguishing that very behavior. Once I was upset and walked away from Jack. I was in the kitchen ranting about whatever I was so upset about. I never looked up to see Jack as he stood at the base of the stairs with the paddle already in his hand pointing the way upstairs. Yes, he spanked and we talked afterward about respect. I really needed time to work on what he wanted. He wanted my full attention when he was speaking: no laptop, no phone, no busy doing whatever! That was our goal and I would be expected to meet that goal. I stumble often. If I am sincere here, the way to really show my submission is to master this goal immediately.
I am really trying to focus on being respectful when in conversation with my husband and for the most part, I am doing well. But sometimes I am excited or want to share without any regard for his point of view. Sometimes I am in the middle of answering an email and keep going while I nod my head as he talks as if I am agreeing with what he is saying. In fact, I have no idea what he is saying because I haven't listened at all. Sometimes there is a silence hanging in the air, and I know he must have asked me a question because I can feel his eyes on me and I have no idea what he has just said. Not real good news for me!
So Katie, let's both work on this and report back. Supporting one another is wise. No more drifting minds as husbands talk. Active listening is sure better and does demonstrate our submission. Right?