Thursday, October 16, 2014

Becoming The Wife I Was Meant To Be

Once a long time ago, I remember stepping outside my body, watching myself being disrespectful to Jack. I was shape tongued, quick to interrupt, icy when the conversation wasn't going my way. I did not like the way I acted at all. I just did not know how to fix it. We were not doing ttwd/dd. There was not an Hoh in our home. We had an equal marriage. We solved problems together, each having an equal voice. It worked well except when it didn't. We might have been searching for a way to make things work better, but we really had no idea how to do that.

Recently I had time to really think about the evolution of our marriage. We have been married a long time and right now is the very best of times........... I call it "the melt in his arms time". So what happened? How did we get to this place that feels so right?

When we were working and both earning salaries, we both have equal voice in everything, but deep down, I was searching for something more. What was I searching for? I had no idea. I was restless and frustrated.

When I stumbled onto ttwd/dd, I knew I had found pure gold and maybe the answer to what I was searching for.  When Jack said yes, our marriage pivoted to a sweet place. Our marriage changed dramatically. No longer an equal marriage, but a marriage based on ttwd/dd, love,  Jack leading and I following. Jack took many things right off my plate. He thrived in his Hoh role and I tried on the role of submissive wife. Sometimes that role didn't fit so well. We used spankings as way to remind me of the role I had adopted. Jack was consistent and and he wanted peace in our home. Slowly, sometimes very slowly, we made our way. I had to learn to do things in new ways and Jack was right there to provide instruction.

Slowly I became more submissive and found that pleasing Jack also pleased me. The submission could be seen in little things I did.

We were in Starbucks waiting for family. I watched several interactions of couples around us: one couple did not speak to one another at all, each stared in opposing directions and never said a word; another couple was in a heated argument which could be heard by all of us in the shop; another couple was interesting..... she was not interested in conversation and he was trying hard to get something going. I studied each couple and wondered how Jack and I would be viewed. We found a place to sit and started talking about things we were doing. We looked at one another, smiling and laughing and sharing.

I have done a lot of thinking about why things are going so well for us. We listen to one another and care about what the other is saying. We answer one another with respect. However, it is something more here. Since we began ttwd/dd, I have tried to do certain things. Submissivein my heart, but how was I showing this to Jack? I worked on not interrupting, talking in quieter ways, stating my opinions respectfully, accepting his decisions gracefully even when I disagreed. I have learned to just say okay sometimes. That answer works sometimes. I do things to please Jack. He notices and compliments me.

So where are the spankings? Role affirmation is so good for us. Those spankings are what makes things smooth. I remember my role in our ttwd marriage and Jack remembers his, leading and guiding us.

I wrote an essay just for me and a special friend. I had asked her questions and she took a long time to answer putting a lot of thinking into what she wrote back. The questions................... How did your husband let you know what kind of marriage he wanted? What were the things he said that told you what kind of marriage he wanted?

Now Jack is leading and I am submissive in my heart and actions most of the time. When I answered the questions, I had to think about the length of our marriage. For most of our marriage, Jack and I were equal partners making decisions together. We were equal wage earners and came to decisions with equal power. He was deployed and I was the one at home. Submission was not in my world. A military wife is expected to handle many things. I passed the test. Then the work years were over, and I was lost, floundering, searching, needing something more. I think I was searching for a dominant leader and Jack simply stepped up. He said yes to ttwd/gentle dd and things fell into place eventually. At the beginning, I stumbled in accepting the challenge and was spanked as Jack became consistent in what he expected.  I became submissive in my heart and learned to lean into what Jack wanted. This was a mighty big change for our marriage.  From equal partners to a marriage of an Hoh and his submissive wife, we changed our whole philosophy of the way things were to be. However, making this decision breathed new feelings into our marriage........ rekindling love, sex, and everything else.

So we are hitting our ttwd/gentle dd stride and I just wanted to tell you that I am becoming the wife I was meant to be. It feels wonderful.



  1. Mere,,,THAT WAS LOVELY,,no other comment is needed,,,: )


  2. That was beautiful! I can absolutely relate.

  3. Amazingly beautiful.
    Such a blessing Mere.


  4. I love this post! Needed a good reminder about being submissive. Thanks for sharing!❤️

  5. Hi Meredith, what an absolutely lovely post. jack is very lucky to have such a sweet wife
    love Jan,xx

  6. Hi Meredith, this is such a beautiful and sweet post. I'm so happy for you and Jack that you are hitting your ttwd/gentle stride and seeing so many benefits.


  7. Mere,
    Love this post, and there is so much I can relate to esp, the feelings of restless and frustration before starting DD. It just took a long time to figure out this is what I needed. SO happy you feeling wonderful, it's a great feeling!

  8. Such a thoughtful and insightful post. Your happiness shines through.

    I think perhaps some people think the enormous changes brought about by TTWD/Dd happen overnight, but like long marriages, it is necessary to work hard to tailor the changes so they have the right fit. Even then a seam can rub from time to time, or a button fall off and need sewing back on.

    All I can say is 'Well done' to both of you; this was so beautiful to read.


  9. Happy for your happiness. I know how difficult it is to maintain that "first flush" after many years together, not everyone succeeds.

  10. Beautiful post. I am glad that though it isn't happening for me, it is for someone.

  11. Meredith... Yes you are the wife that Jack most certainly appreciates and loves. This post struck me deep down in the space I am reflecting in right now. As always, you have the right words at exactly the right time that need to be said. The relationship that you and Jack have has evolved over time with a lot of hard work, dedication, laughter, joy and most important love. While not always easy, both of you had a common goal and are now coming full circle and seeing the results of your efforts. It is wonderful to see how this lifestyle can be so effectual. Thank you for sharing such a special moment in your journey.

  12. Isn't it amazing how we see other couples now? Not in judgment, but wishing for them the peace, harmony, and joy that come to those couples who find the roles that really work for them.

  13. Hey Mere,
    I'm so glad that you decided to post this. It was a great exercise and I enjoyed the outcome of your questions and reflections. I'm so happy for you and Jack - and that you are here to share your experiences with us.

  14. I did the exact same thing yesterday at church. I looked at couples sitting so far from each other. Some not sitting closely, some with children between, some with an arm draped casually behind. Some snuggled in close (as close as one can be in a church setting, lol).. and then we were touching legs and I felt FM press his leg into mine and I knew we were closer than anyone else. I wondered how we were seen too.
    Great post :)

  15. You captured and described your feelings so well, Meredith. Being relatively new to ttwd, I've been told a lot (lovingly) that Crush and I are in the "growing pains" area that all couples go through. The way you laid the process out so eloquently makes it so easy to relate. Thanks for sharing!

    - Amy