Saturday, July 5, 2014

No Need For Seven Ways When Just One Way Will Do!


We have rounded the bend on the road of ttwd/dd and stopped short. A huge bump in the road had my full attention. The bump in the road had Jack's complete attention too. Gulp!

I was on the phone with a friend I have known since we were small. She and I were gossiping like there was no tomorrow. Jack overheard our chatter and sat frowning at me as I went on and on with my friend. When I ended the call, he told me to my sitting spot. He began by telling me that gossip is unbecoming and makes the one doing it look small and petty. I countered with that is the way many women talk to one another. Placing his hand on my leg, he said, "Not my wife". I started to feel uneasy as he went on. He said he realized, while listening to me chat, that he had the means to stop that behavior in his wife and change is exactly what was going to happen. 

If you have read my blog from the beginning, you know we do not do rules or punishments. The word punishment is never used, ever. With me sitting right in front of him, he continued talking. Gossip he said makes you less than what you are. Gossip cheapens you. Gossip can hurt you when the people you are talking to gossip about you. He then said that all gossip would stop immediately and if I choose to do it anyway, I would be spanked. Did I understand? Gossip would not be tolerated.

I laughed telling him it was the way I talked with this long time friend. I said it is our way. He said that that way ends right now. I asked if he would really spank for this. He said indeed he would and it would be best to not test the rule as the consequence would be painful. Wait, a rule???? We don't do rules here. He said that we do now. The gossip rule is in place and he is requiring his wife to be impeccable in her speaking. He ended our talk by saying he is fully aware of having the authority to stop me from gossiping.

This is a long Fourth of July week-end. We are with others at several events and I feel like I am walking on eggshells as this holiday week end gets started. I know in my heart that Jack is right. I want to please him and I do not want a serious spanking.

So I found this gossip advice online and thought Jack is amazing. Jack hardly needs SEVEN ways to curb gossiping. He has just ONE way to halt any future gossip tendencies. He has now defined gossiping a spankable offense. In our journey in ttwd/dd, we have arrived at a situation like no other. He has told me what will happen. I know the consequence and must follow his "rule" or receive the discipline. 

Stay tuned. I am a work in process. Once we finished our talk on the couch, I raced to my ttwd/dd friends asking for their support and help. I could do this. I would do this. I wanted to please my husband. I know that not gossiping is the right thing to do. I know that gossiping hurts others and is unbecoming.  Keep your fingers crossed. Say a little prayer. 

Jack only needs ONE way to stop the gossip. He is my HOH after all these years. 



  1. Meredith.. Of course we do know that Jack is right. Our conversations often seem innocent enough, but when others over hear, it can often sound otherwise. Jack is very wise. I loved how he carefully explained the issue of gossiping and... how it makes him feel. I understand the whole rule thing too. We do not have "rules" per say... so it is a shock when I learn there will be a consequence for a behavior. I am hopeful you will be able to follow Jack's expectations. Old habits can be hard to break. Do your best, or I am sure Jack will follow through. He is consistent. I am sure you would not want it any other way.

  2. I'm saying a prayer....that my HoH will not read this post. :-) All kidding aside, it is pretty amazing how the threat of a spanking can do wonders on our behavior as well as help us recognize things in us that are not very becoming, me included.

    You're one tough woman, Meredith, and I know you can conquer the gossip. Keep us posted.


  3. This made me think - how mean of you. I'm not the worlds biggest gossip, but I'm sure I do my share. What I got more from this post was that your husband cared about something and chose to step up with TTWD to stop it. He thinks you are a better person than a common gossiper. It shows that he cares.

    My husband loves me dearly, I know that. But he only sees TTWD as a game. I could gossip, cuss, tell him to kiss my ass and he'd just shrug. I envy you the feeling that while not going overboard with picky rules it does care and he lets you know it. Good for Jack.

  4. I agree with jack, It is nasty gossips and stirring people that has caused my troubles these past weeks, and with my hand on my heart I know it is undeserved. Today I told my girls their classes were ending, I wish Jack was here with his paddle to sort those horrid people out for me. Good luck with the weekend
    love Jan,xx

  5. Hey are now discovering what many of us have previously learned...HoH's love having the means to enforce change in behavior. ;) I am sure you will find lots of other things to chat about with your friends.

    Hugs and Blessings...

  6. Hey Mere,
    You know, it's funny how there are certain women we hang with that can bring us into a gossip fest when that's not our normal behavior - and we can be totally blind to the fact that we've even gone there with them, until it's pointed out.

    Gossip is a slippery slope that we women have to battle against all the time - and your post is a reminder to me as well - to be aware of what I'm saying and make sure I've not gone down that path.

    Thankfully, Jack is a loving husband who saw this and knew that you were better than that, and is holding you accountable.

    And Mere - I have total faith in you!

  7. Merdith you can do it,,,Jack loves you very much and is already proud of you


  8. Uh oh. It's a hard one to break. Sometimes at our church, we remind each other not to gossip and say it is "sharing a prayer request." LOL. I am going to stop and say a prayer that God will help you to follow your rule, since that is what you, yourself wants also. God bless you and your marriage, and all you love, -Belle L.

  9. 1. It is not allowed to listen to other people's phone calls.
    2. Jack can never understand the way in which women talk.
    Because he's a man.
    He speaks only the language from Mars and not from Venus.
    Was it really gossip or he thought it was gossip? How we talk about old school friends, mentions various events what they did and so on. Is it gossip? Everything would be gossip in that case. You alwasy talk about what happened etc.
    3 I thought the rules you create together, but maybe it's different in different homes.

  10. I think, Meredith, that it depends upon what you were talking about with your friend. If you were gossiping 'lovingly' then there is no harm done, and 'all' women chat about other women - we just do. But if there was spite in it, then Jack is right, and it purportedly could cause some anguish.

    However. We don't do rules either, and frankly, this rule would need a lot of discussion before I agreed to it. Can you tell me hand on heart that Jack is squeaky clean in the gossip department? I know that Dan isn't. He has little remarks such as "She has a big arse on her." So you see, I think it can be a rule that should apply to both of you.

    Have you discussed the 'other side of the coin' with Jack? Are you happy that this rule could be 'added to'?

    My personal view is that I wouldn't want my husband listening in on everything I discussed with my friends, just in case I was gossiping. How do you feel about this?


    1. Hi Ami, I can't believe Dan would say such a thing!! You do make me laugh.

  11. I love how Jack communicated his feelings with you and how much you wish to bring out the best in each other and please each other. It also made me think about gossiping and what gossip really is. I think of it as in the movies with the mean girl saying unkind things about another...but maybe it is simply sharing other people's stories that are not ours to tell...and I wonder do I do that? is it unbecoming? and how can I change that to be a better person and friend? Something to reflect on for all of us really. Thanks for sharing Hugs

  12. I find that gossiping with a close girlfriend is just too fun to resist at times. I get caught up in the moment, but later I usually feel guilty at being so petty. Unfortunately, I think most women are conditioned to believe that gossip is feminine and acceptable; just as boys are taught that it’s acceptable to use their fists to defend their honor. As for Jack listening to your conversation, I think it shows how close the two of you are. I recently learned that my husband was hurt when I would leave the room to talk to my family or friends. He didn’t understand that I just wanted to talk someplace quiet. Now I ask him to turn down the TV. If the kids are in the room, I fill him in on the conversation later. I would say that if you had to have a rule, Jack certainly picked one worth following. He is a wise man.

  13. I am guilty of this as well with one of my best friends. We are super close and are venting, but it's really gossip. It is unbecoming. :( I have been trying to work on this as well. It's not a rule from H, but I believe if he laid down the law on would work. Good luck girl....I am rooting for you!!!