Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Mistress of My Own Ship....... Sometimes!!

How do we wives blend submission and independence? That is a tough question for many of us. I love this woman standing on the shore with her ship anchored in the distance. She is mighty and strong in her world. She takes no guff and she has a gun and a sword! Do you see what I see?  Does she have a bra malfunction? 

In my life, I like to think I am mistress of my own ship......... sometimes. In the big world, I feel independent and prepared to tackle many things. Once the car pulls into the garage, I put my independence away and become Jack's submissive wife. It's when I get the two personalities mixed up, that we have trouble. When we are out together, there is sometimes problems. He would like me to be quieter and calmer when out with friends. How to balance independence and submission? Sometime I have absolutely no idea. 

I think of Jack's dominance and I melt. His dominance turns me on. He likes my submission and appreciates the way I defer to him. To my way of thinking, when independence gets in the way of submission, fireworks explode  and spankings happen. In the big world, women handle big things and carry huge workplace responsibilities. It is hard to put away the independence and be the submissive wife. Right? 

What are your thoughts on balancing independence and submission? Are you successful or do you stumble? When you stumble, is your Hoh there to help remind you of the way things are at home? If you are wheeling and dealing in the workplace, how do you tone it down once you are home? I think this is a problem for many of us.  In the workplace, I was in charge of many. Jack was in charge of many. Before we began ttwd/dd, we did not give any thought to our perspective roles. A friend gave me my motto when I left the workplace: mistress of my own ship. I loved it and thought I was very independent. 

When we began ttwd/dd, the motto didn't seem to work anymore. Mistress of my own ship implies that I am in charge. Jack says he gives me room, cuts me some slack to be a mistress of that ship sometimes, but if the truth be told, I really want off that ship and into his arms. I want to be on his ship, under his wing.

So let me know how you balance independence and submission. I really want to know. 



  1. Meredith.. you hit this one right on the head. This is so....much where I am at. The truth is I don't juggle them well at all and that is precysely what gets me into trouble and over hubbys lap. I have to admit I want off my ship and firmly on his ship safe and secure. I am tired of the balancing act. After nearlya year I can see how much happier I am on his ship letting him lead. That doesn't mean I don't struggle and fall into old ways. In fact sadly in the heat of many moments I will argue the issue for all it is worth. Once home, I have to constantly remind myself who actually is in charge. Relaxing into hubby is still something to be mastered. It is the one thing that really irritates him when I do not. So.. I have two choices. Relax and enjoy, or go over his lap for a swift and often painful reminder. It is a work in progress. Would be so much easier if I was not so stubborn and prideful.

  2. My ship has run ashore at the moment. I will let you know how we/I handle this as soon as we/I figure it out.

  3. It's always been a struggle but I have come a long way. I run the household and many times just point him in the direction he needs to go when he gets home, either to bring a child to a game or to fix something that is broken or to join me in disciplining a child (for big infractions, I can handle the others). I have no ship of my own, I just try to be the co captain of our ship

  4. Hey Meredith...when I ran a team, I sometimes ran into difficulty balancing submission and independence...especially when I worked from home and my ex had to pull me back...sometimes with a word, sometimes with a look and many times with a red bottom. It's a hard balancing act. ;) Good luck.

    Hugs and Blessings...

  5. I think me being at home instead of out in the workforce has helped us avoid this to a certain extent. The exception is when life gets crazy and Steve's time is limited. I end up taking on more responsibilities since he has less time and it's hard for me to balance that independence of running things to submitting when he walks in the door.

  6. In my opinion, these two things can not be reconciled. DD was created when women were housewives and not managers in the community. (In the other hand, if women had the opportunity to work more then, many would feel better, and DD would not "required.") You are who you are. Pressing the individual needs and talents are unnatural.

    DD is not created for today's society. Then, of course, even butt get more and more attention. But maybe that's the point for many who practice DD, D/s. There are many spankos who simply like it; and it is OK.

  7. I've always wanted - or thought I wanted a dd relationship. That will always be in the back of my mind. It's my husband that doesn't want a submissive wife. He likes the 50/50 deal we've had for over 30 years. I've gone through all the emotions - anger, hurt, you name it and finally acceptance that this is the way it's going to be. We play at discipline a little, but it's only play and we both know it. But it's still in my fantasies and always will be.

  8. Great post! It's definitely doable, but not without challenges. I think what helps me is knowing that there are many areas in our marriage where I am put in charge. I need those areas, and he understands that, and is supportive of that need. I need a certain level of independence to be happy, and with time, we've been able to work out what works best for both of us. It certainly can be reconciled, you just have to meet each others needs..and everyone has different needs. A good leader recognizes the talents and ability of his subordinates and helps them to grow in those areas :) I think my husband appreciates my independence, my talents, and my submission. I know Jack does too!


  9. I never really saw myself as a 'take charge' leader type, but that didn't mean that I never undermined my hubby or disrespected him over the years. I do my best now to show him the respect I promised in our vows, to build him up and to back him up.
    When I slip and he calls me on it, I am quicker to apologize rather than defend myself (I may explain my thinking behind what I did or said) - but I do apologize and peace is restored.
    Going along with your ship illustration (great visual!), I feel like I am now hugging my hubby from behind while he steers, or if I'm steering temporarily, I quickly raise my hands off the wheel when he steps back in.
    :) Cali

  10. I think it was harder to be submissive when I was working. I was in charge at work and going home to my HOH was a difficult transition at times. Now I am staying at home which is what I always wanted and staying submissive maybe easier but being a stay at home Mom is harder than I thought it would be. Sometimes by the time my husband gets home attitude is a big issue. I find submission also becomes more difficult when I'm around a lot of vanilla adults. It is easy to slip back into that sassy, bossy mind frame that many wives live in. Good post. Gets everyone thinking :)

  11. I have always been a stay-at-home mom, but I have a "roll up my sleeves" attitude and I did babysitting and nannying for the first several years after we got married (and were hopelessly broke all the time!) I have balanced going back to college, nursing infants and homeschooling my older kids all at once. I have always felt very competent in my own capabilities and independence. Marriage was lovely, and I enjoyed my husband very much, but I scoffed at the idea of "needing" him. As such, when I was frustrated or felt that something he did was thoughtless and stupid, I ran him through the wringer. I would casually make fun of his little quirks with my girlfriends. (Never cruelly, just in the gossipy teasing manner very common for close friends.) Despite this, I still was never comfortable with the idea of a "yes dear" type of husband. For the most part, if things were going well, I treated him well (with an extra large helping of sarcasm and sass.

    When the seed of TTWD was planted, I began to reevaluate my quality as a wife as well as the dynamic of our relationship. I began to see how easily he let some of my mean-spirited comments roll off of him, when I would never have stood for it myself. And so I approached him with what we call "our little arrangement."

    I don't find it easy to hold my tongue when I have an opinion or disagree with him. I also don't naturally stop to consider my tone or expression when I voice those opinions. I do find it generally easy to submit to a correction for this and many other forms of disrespect. I am just as anxious as he is to squash these habits and become softer and more feminine. I have enormous respect for his calm and easy-going demeanor, although it's gotten me into trouble at times when I mistake it for a reluctance to address an issue right away.

    As it stands now, I have discovered a heightened sense of vulnerability and need of my husband. When I softened up and allowed him to help me be the best wife I can, I realized how much better we are as a team than I ever was as an individual.

    I have zero regrets about abandoning my ship and becoming his sexy first mate. :)