Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Lies, Whispers and A Tangled Web

Dear Readers,

I will be honest here. I am skittish, nervous, stunned and retreating if only just a little and only for a little while. It has not been an easy time for me. I am still in the stunned stage of it all.

I am trusting and giving in my life. I designed a blog to help me and others as Jack and I made our way in ttwd/dd. We chose blog names we love and when we are alone, we call one another by our blog names, Jack and Meredith.

When I began to blog, I so wanted to fit in. How was I ever going to get people to read my blog? How will readers find me when there are so many bloggers? I promised myself that honesty would be a cornerstone of my blog. However, there is post written last summer that was embellished beyond reason. Never proud of that post, I left it up to perpetually remind me that truth brings a faithful following. Fabricating a post would only lead to more trouble. I have been true to my relationship with Jack since writing that post. I t serves as a reminder to only me to tell the truth especially to myself.

Christina's blog along with Stormy's were the first blogs I read and I devoured them from start to finish. Both Jim and the Ogre were strict Hohs and that is not what I wanted. I was so interested to learn all I could about this woman named Christina.

I am reeling. I was not in Christina's circle. In the year I have been blogging, we exchanged emails twice and she wrote a comment on my blog on my first Love Our Lurker Day last November. I did write on her blog all the time: Emily's illness, her father's passing, her mother's passing and when her trials and tribulations got the better of her backside. I really feel betrayed, used and duped and I am saying that knowing we were not even remotely close. I do not think she ever read my blog as she never left any comments.

Many were her friend. Those people must be hurting beyond the pale. To be duped by someone you trusted seems most difficult. My heart goes out to those who have been hurt.

I have spent two days emailing behind the blog my ttwd/dd friends and we all have identical feelings. We are all stunned and feel duped. We are supporting one another the way we all do here in blogland. What else can we do?

So what is the truth and what is to be believed! I do know for a fact that CaliMom and I are real. We had lunch with our husbands and we have photos to prove it. The Internet is a slippery place. Lies, whispers and a tangled mess means truth evaporates. Do I trust the bloggers I have learned to love and care about? My answer is simple, yes. I am trusting, but when something like this happens, it really shakes me up. How about you?

I want to say to Rogue, Clint and Chelsea how very sorry I am for the hurt and devastation you feel right now. You will heal and hopefully trust again. There are many of us who are trustworthy.

To Christina,

I do not think you read my blog and that is fine. I offer my forgiveness and heartfelt concern that you are seeking the help of professionals and your friends. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself.



  1. Meredith,

    Thank you for reminding us not only that we as humans make mistakes, but also that we as humans hurt deeply when things like this happen.

    Although I read very little of Christina's blog, I do sense the deep hurt in this community as well as some fear, which is understandable.

    Meredith, if you hadn't risked opening yourself up to me, I wouldn't be in such a better place in my marriage. Thank you for taking the risk to trust me.

    May we all renew our individual commitments in this community to integrity as well as to forgiveness.


  2. Mere,
    I've just got to say how much I appreciate you. You are so honest and forthright, and you call it like you see it. There is no 'elephant in the room' when you are around, and I love that. :)

    This thing with Christina was a pretty big and unexpected event - like a tornado - and we all just need to know that we are ok. And to make sure that others are ok. It's a natural reaction - and it's a loving reaction too.

    So even though the majority of us were on the outskirts, we all were affected in someway, and are re-evaluating a lot of things as a result. Our love and primary concern is for those at the epicenter - but making sure that the rest of us are going to be ok is only natural.

    Yes, you and I have the comfort of knowing that we are 'real'. (you made me chuckle when I read that) and I'm so grateful for that - and you! And the many other real friends that we have here too. :)


  3. My heart goes out to those whose trust was blown away by Christina's confession. Life is a slippery slope and unfortunately with the internet it's easy to deceive, we just have to take things with a grain of salt and listen to any little flags that go off in our head.

  4. Hey Mere...thank you for a lovely post. I am hoping that all of us in blogland will get through this and come out stronger. Sending prayers, healing energy and positive thoughts to all.

    Hugs and Blessings...

  5. Hey Mere,
    I have comfort in the fact that I know the real you, and you know the real me. It's been such a blessing getting to know you. This situation definitely does make everyone feel a bit jittery, I'm still glad I opened myself up to the people I have, this community is still pretty amazing. Like everyone else, I'm sending my prayers for healing to everyone involved.


  6. I keep almost crying. Christina and I were not close, we emailed several times, I read every post she ever wrote on her blog, I got advice from her and "Jim"... she was the first real blogger I got into when Hubby and I started this crazy ride... but based on the pain *I* feel I imagine the pain those close to her are feeling must be so so so horrible. I love her and really really really hope she is able to repent and find forgiveness, but right now it just hurts.

    1. Oh Polly - I'm so sorry. I think we can all understand what you are going through as each of us start out in blogland feeling a special connection to one particular blogger, and then that person becomes a very special part of our heart. I hope that your hurt softens soon. hugs ~

  7. Meredith,,what a wonderful posting.


  8. After about 17 years in the bdsm world, I can honestly say, there have only been a handful of liars that I've run into. I don't like everyone but I think most were real enough.

    Trust is so key to me that my kids say I hold a grudge longer than anyone they've ever known. If I can't feel trust with someone, I don't want them in my life. We can choose our friends, if not family and I don't get over wounds easily. Sometimes maybe it's throwing the baby out with the bathtub but if someone lies to me, I'm just done.

    I am not forgiving but glad there are folks in the world who are. Jackie

  9. I couldn't agree more Meredith. Like you, Christina and Stormy's blogs were the first I came across when I found my way to this community. I went back and read through every post they had written from the beginning. I can even remember telling Steve to look at this couple who had had a DD relationship from Day 1 of their marriage.

    I'm really struggling with how I feel right now. There are so many emotions it's hard to pinpoint exactly how I'm feeling, especially since it changes throughout the day.

  10. Well said Meredith and I'm glad you addressed this. Like a lot of others, Christina's was one of the first blogs I found. I read everything she wrote.I was drawn in by her relationship with Jim and her sense of humor. Real or not, her blog was very entertaining and I wish her the best. Of course, I was not close to her so my heart goes out to those hurt by her. This has made me more cautious with who I put my trust in online but I hold no ill will toward Christina.


  11. Meredith,
    As you know from my first emails to you, I am extremely cautious when it comes to social media. In fact, I was (as you put it) borderline offensive in some of the comments I made when I questioned if you were real or not. You convinced me that you are who you say you are and I still trust you. Furthermore, I have taken your advice to heart and things have continued to improve in my life. I have made it clear in every comment I have ever posted in this community that I am not a spanked wife, but I use the information that I read on the blogs to help me understand the shortcomings in my marriage and ways to improve it. I want to establish a stronger connection with my husband, achieve more passion in our marriage, and find more fun and harmony in our day to day life. I believe that is what most readers of the blogs in the DD community are seeking. I can understand Christina’s loneliness. I started following the blogs of this community because of my own isolation from other woman due to work and other circumstances. I felt welcomed even though my husband and I have a vanilla relationship. As everyone keeps saying, it isn’t about the spanking, but the communication. I believe that communication is the most important aspect of the DD community. I will continue be cautious, but I have gained too much from this community to walk away now. I hope that this sad turn of events encourages others to be honest and be themselves. It is very apparent that this community is very accepting and tolerant toward others and willing to forgive.

  12. I think it's great how Christina has so much support for something so awful and deceitful that she did. She does need support and help. However, I personally think Rogue and Chelsea and the others listed on Christina's post need even more love and support than Christina. They are hurting more than even Christina can imagine. Here is a link to Rogue's post on this mess. http://rougesawakening.blogspot.com/?zx=422130492635957b

  13. Hi Meredith, what a touching post, My heart goes out to everyone concerned.
    love Jan,xx

  14. Whew! I go away for a few days and all hell breaks loose.

    I admit I read and commented on Christina's post only occasionally, although I supported her through all the traumas and even sent money which I am hopeful did go to the right charity.

    I did, however, feel something was not quite right with her posts. I don't know why. I have no reasons.

    BUT, I am so sorry she had to go to these lengths when she could have just reached out for friendship and support. When I think of all the advice I gave her re her "friend" who was not telling the truth about having a dd relationship. It now all comes together.

    In this world, there are people who hurt so much that they go to any lengths to lessen that hurt. My main thoughts are of sadness to think that perhaps we all failed her.

    What a good post this is, Meredith. Straight from the heart. Thank you on behalf of all of us!


  15. Rogue and Christina are the same person. Wake up you fools!

  16. I have been blogging about 5yrs and met friends from online and in person..I'm like you I wasn't close to Christina but read her post a lot and it did hurt to hear the truth.. Anyway nice to meet you .. I don't blog much but I lurk. lol

  17. My head is dizzy reading your article as I feel I've just read the same thing happening to Chelsea referred to someone as "Redhot Booty Woman" also named Christina" Are you speaking of the same person and happening to you too, what are the chances?

    I've never posted or blog so call me a lurk

  18. I completely agree with your feelings. I am praying for all concerned and those who in blog land who are confused and now struggling with trust.