Not too long ago, Chelsea of Learning Domestic Discipline shared an update regarding her New Year's Resolutions. Her third resolution caught my attention. She shared that it was a resolution that she had a hard time following. The hard to follow resolution was to just say okay to various decisions and not challenge every decision with other solutions or suggestions of her own.
Yes, we do ttwd/dd, but decision making is a joint collaboration. We are a team and always have been. Jack wants my opinions, my point of view, and my insights. What is different now is how I present those things. I present my ideas with respect. I keep my voice even and gentle. That is new for me. I tended to become too vocal and my voice became loud as I wanted my way to be heard. This caused problems. I would interrupt as Jack was speaking. Now he welcomes the discussions as I have learned not to be so demanding. We share our thoughts and come to decisions together. Respect is the key here every single time.
It really is all in the attitude presented. If decisions are made with my insights taken into consideration, we are a winning team. If Jack makes a different final decision, I am fine with that and appreciate his wise thinking. We have come a long ways. We often got to this spot, but with arguing and frustration mixed right in. It feels great to make these decisions together like we have always done, but without the anguish of arguing. Coming to agreement together feels great, but doing it with respect is so much better.
So I have tried with all my heart to become a better listener. There are other points of view other than mine. I am getting better at discussing things rather than having an argument over issues. We listen to one another much better than before. It works and it works well.
When I am constantly offering my ideas to things that are easy to decide, Jack simply says, Meredith, say yes. Let the decision making come from him on certain issues. Not everything has to be debated, discussed or analyzed. He is right about that. Sometimes it is just so much easier to go with the flow.
So how does decision making happen in your relationship? Teamwork? Just say yes?