Yesterday was one of those golden Pacific Northwest days that far away weather people never get right. People think it rains all the time here, and although we do get a lot of rain, the sun has been shining all summer.
Jack and I went across the sound to visit friends and the round trip of four hours in the car and two ferry rides gave us plenty of time to talk. I have had a rough time lately with ttwd. Jack has had no problems at all. He is consistent, steady and calm. I am the one who is floundering. I try to negotiate out of tough spankings, but love the good girl ones. I give him instructions on how to spank his wife. I argue beyond reason why I am right. I have once again become very skilled at keeping an argument alive and flourishing ignoring Jack's decisions. I received two spankings in a row and only blogged about one. I was stunned by my awful attitude and the need to show my husband who is right. I truly thought I could talk my way out of a spanking and have been proven wrong twice about that. I stumble in this ttwd, but Jack doesn't. He remains steadfast and true to what we agreed upon when we began four months ago. This day will end with a reaffirmation spanking and great love expressed between two long married people. So what happened?
We made a quick Starbucks stop and headed to the ferry. I had my hand on Jack's leg as he talked gently and quietly about the hard time I was having with ttwd. First he said he loved the dynamic. He was leading and in charge. He knew that after living a life in which deployments required separation, he recognized that being submissive was difficult for me. When we were apart, I handled many things without his help or presence. Now deployments were a thing of the past, and we were together. He was in charge and I was to back down. We were not going back to a marriage of quarrels, silences and bickering. He said that he was relishing his role as head of our home and we were not going back to the old ways. He told me that it was up to me as to how smoothly things would go. I needed to be mindful of what we had agreed to. I needed to remember that he was leading. He was consistently doing ttwd and would continue to do so. His wife was to follow what we had agreed to or consequences would happen. By now my coffee was cold and he had told me not to move my hand. He wanted to feel my touch as we talked. I would feel his touch in a different way if I did not stop disrespecting his decisions.
We were on the ferry now and he held and kissed me. He is always so calm and even tempered. He reassured me that I could do this and that he would help. I leaned my head against his shoulder and agreed to do better.
We had a great time with friends and drove the same route home. As the car pulled into the garage, I sensed what was coming before he even told me. He said that he would test my word at doing better. He would give me a reaffirmation spanking before bed. I turned to him and nodded. He told me to go upstairs and wait for him.
He paddled my backside, but I remember little of the spanking as I was so full of love for him and his commitment to us. He never waivers and always puts his love for me first. Later we made love and he said that he was pleased with the way I handled his decision to reaffirm our roles.