Sunday, August 4, 2013

Failed Negotiations at the Paddle Peace Talks


Failed negotiations at the paddle peace talks. I am a frustrated, spanked wife. I can't seem to get this right.  About once a week on average, I cross the line breaking our one rule....... respect. I slip back to old ways often in the company of old friends. The influence of these women cause me to revert back to pre-Dd times. I thought I would be doing better, but in fact the only one doing better is Jack, Mr. Always Consist. He is steady and true using the rule to change my behavior for the better.  On the other hand, I have a difficult time relinquishing my independence. He is steady and true and I'm just sore and red!

I went out to a friend's home to celebrate a birthday. The group of us are girl friends who have known each other for years. Jack had told me that the evening needed to be cut short because he didn't want me out late. The problem here is that these friends are the same women who gave me support during Jack's deployment. I relied on their friendship and cherished their love. We celebrate birthdays, have wine and spent most of our time laughing. It's a time for us girls to enjoy one another. I knew Jack wanted me home early..... before 11pm. When it was close to 11pm, he began texting me and my friends thought this sweet, then annoying and then hilarious. I turned off my phone and enjoyed the last of the party. I left the party about 11:30pm and drove the short distance home to an unhappy Jack. 

We talked. He said I minded the respect rule when it was convenient. I balked saying I was having a good time, close to home and I didn't need a curfew. He said that was not the way he saw it. Disrespect was a spankable offensive and I have not listened to the wishes of my husband. He said that negotiating  would not serve me well. I told him that these women were my strength when he was deployed and far away. He said that he was my strength and I would feel that when we went upstairs. 

After the spanking, he said it was up to me to learn to think things through and he wanted me to think seriously about the consequences. Turning off my phone was not a good idea and he let me know that. 

So what we have here is an extremely consistent husband and a wife who takes her chances living by the way things used to be. I am frustrated and he is holding his own and the paddle. I can't seem to get this right. I think it has a lot to do with deployment separations. Even though that ended several years ago, I still operate independently on occasion. I am frustrated that I keep stumbling here. 

20 comments:

  1. Meredith, you agreed to the rule. That means you need to stick to it. You would be even unhappier, I suspect, if he let you off the hook. In my experience, the submissive partner is looking for that consistency, even though they may not like to follow the rules and they may hate getting punished for breaking them.

    I think you'll find that most people in the community will not let you off the hook any more than Jack will. That's kind of a blessing and a curse, but it's there to sustain you.

    If you think consistency's bad, take a look at the alternative: http://kiwigirliegirl.blogspot.com/2013/08/that-old-chestnut-inconsistency.html.

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    1. Thank you for your comment. My Jack is all consistent.
      Meredith

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    2. And, I definitely agree with the others: be patient with yourself. The process usually works itself out, and I'm sure it will come together.

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  2. That's a tough situation to find yourself in! But be grateful for a consistent husband, so many wives wish theirs were as consistent as yours. He's doing his job and it's hard when we find ourselves struggling to keep up. But you will get there. You really will! Best of luck!
    Kristy

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    1. Kristy,
      I so appreciate your kind words. We are working through this even though it is tough right now. I appreciate your encouragement.
      Meredith

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  3. Give yourself a break. Its hard changing habits of a lifetime. Things will get easier.

    XOXO

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    1. Thank you for your kind words. I am learning, but it is tough right now.
      Thank you for your comment.
      Meredith

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  4. Hey Mere,
    Just try to be patient with yourself along the way - we all want overnight results, but real life doesn't happen that way. And you are also having to re-learn some new habits, where Jack is just applying what he already is, into Dd - he's going with the grain, you are going a bit against it - but you'll get there.

    :) Cali

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    1. Thank you for your kind, loving comments as always. Jack is being most sweet today and we have that blueberry cobbler to enjoy. You are always right there. Bless you!
      Meredith

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  5. I have a few sisters-in-law that I seem to get a little feisty around without fail, which isn't a problem...as long as I don't let my feisty, fun self devolve into attitude toward him or something like that. I'm sure that you'll find a good balance eventually...just takes a little time:)

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    1. Thank you for your understanding comments. I appreciate your time.
      Meredith

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  6. Hey Meredith!
    I totally understand the independent streak, it certainly comes from surviving deployments. I struggle with a consistent husband, Ha! I'm the inconsistent one. I guess we have to just take it one day at a time and let them lead, even when it's hard.

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    1. I think it is the past deployments that do get in the way here. I am still learning to get this right.
      Meredith

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  7. Well, I know hindsight is 20/20, but, it sounds like you had an issue with this curfew before you went out. Did you express to Jack before you went out what you did after you came home? If not that would be my next suggestion. "Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission" sort of goes against what you are trying to achieve right? Anyway, if you explained to him in calmer times, perhaps next time he will see your side a little clearer.

    If this was my husband, he would have been upset about the shutting him out aspect as well as the safety aspect of turning off the phone. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would feel like Barney was choosing his friends over me.

    When I have a difficult time remembering to do what I said I would, or desiring to, I try to think about how he feels when I disrespect him, and how he rarely acts that way towards me. To me that is more incentive on top of the OBVIOUS one..lol.

    You will figure out something in your own way and time Meredith. You just have to find something to help you, that is unique to you and Jake. A trigger. Okay, well we know the spanking is supposed to, but you know what I mean! Something that is a back up.

    Like the others said, don't be too hard on yourself. After all the spanking is supposed to be a clean slate!

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    1. oops sorry Jack...( I was just at Tess' place..LOL)

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    2. Thank you for all the advice. I am still learning. Past deployments don't help the here and now. I appreciate your wise words.
      Meredith

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  8. It can be so hard to change a life we are so used to living. Being out with friends, we just want to stay with them. It's like we're three again terrified to go to bed because we'll miss something fun. When we're with friends, we want that, we are so afraid of them having fun without us, that we'll miss out, or not be included. Those are hard things to break. I am sorry it was so rough on you, but glad that up until 11, you had a good time with your friends. :)

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    1. Thank you for your wise words. Past deployments sometimes make present times more difficult. I'll get there thanks to support like yours.
      Meredith

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  9. Looks like you have lots of good comments here so I'll just piggy back on all of them. If it is any encouragement, the respect issue is one of the ones that seems to stay in the forefront in this way of life we all have chosen. Sometimes it's something big (and turning off a phone is one of them) and sometimes something small, but their respect button gets awfully sensitive and stays that way.

    Family makes me feisty too. I seem to have figured things out with friends, but too much family and I seem to forget all sorts of things...which is bad for the bum.

    You'll get this Meredith. I agree with others--take his words seriously but also be patient with yourself.

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    1. Thank you for your kind support. When he was deployed, time was mine. It is hard sometimes, but I will make it.
      Meredith

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